Chapter Six:
The Next Move
Carly hesitated at the door to Kelly's, unwilling to just pull the door open and enter. She was aware that it was a ploy on the part of her mother -- asking her to meet her for lunch. Bobbie did things like this occasionally, when she was worried. The idea was to make sure Carly got out of the house and dealt with the real world. It wasn't really presented to Carly that way, however. No, the whole thing was treated like some sort of bonding ritual, and for some reason, it made her feel queasy. She wasn't sure she was ready to deal with whatever was on the other side of that door.
Carly leaned her shoulder against the cool brick of the building, and looked down at the pavement, taking a moment to collect herself. This wasn't helping. She'd felt, the last few days, like she was back in that sanitarium again. She hated that feeling of being watched every minute of every day, and carefully evaluated. Bobbie was second guessing every single sigh, eye roll, or vacant stare. She couldn't blame her... Not really. A part of her understood this paranoia wasn't entirely uncalled for. On the other hand, she really just wanted to be left alone. 'Yeah, Carly,' she told herself. 'Then move out of your mother's house'.
Easier said than done. The way her brain was working lately, she probably shouldn't be allowed to drive, let alone make major life decisions. Which lead to another topic, entirely....
Carly groaned softly and gave her head a good shake, trying, for the umpteenth time that day, to knock all thoughts of Nikolas Cassadine from it.
It wasn't like she was actually THINKING about him. Not really. It was just that her brain didn't seem to understand that pondering Nikolas was not an option -- It kept suggesting him for a topic of contemplation. Nikolas -- when there were so many other venues for self-flagellation. The last thing she needed was to let herself wonder about this quasi-prince rich boy. Besides. It had been a mistake. The depths of the error in judgment she'd made that night were still occurring to her, hitting her in waves, while she stirred pasta to keep it from sticking, or tested the water in the shower. Suddenly she'd be hit -- BANG -- he was kinda your step-brother. THUD -- He's your cousin's brother. WHUMP -- he's a CASSADINE for God's sake!
More than that, he was a one night stand. One of a dozen guys who could have easily have ended up in her bed that night. It was just... Ok. No. She wasn't going to use words like fate, not about Nikolas. No. Just error, mistake, accident. In the long-run... If someone actually found OUT about that, it would make her earlier indiscretions look like a cake walk. It might even outweigh Tony. At least in some people's eyes.
Carly was brought out of her contemplations by the ringing of the bell over the front door of the restaurant. She started from the wall, as a couple exited, and cleared her throat, looking away. She waited for them to walk out of the courtyard, then turned back to the restaurant door. This was dumb. Just go IN. She ran her fingers through her hair quickly, and gripped the door handle in her hand, pushing through it determinedly.
She spotted her mother's table immediately, and her heart suddenly dropped to her stomach.
Bobbie was not alone.
No, rather, Bobbie was with the one person Carly had absolutely no desire to deal with today. Uncle Luke. She nearly turned around and walked straight out of the restaurant again, but her mother looked up and caught her eye. She looked worried, but the expression quickly faded into a smile, and she gestured for Carly to come over and join them. Carly gave Bobbie a look that indicated she didn't appreciate having a family meal sprung on her like this, but continued across the room all the same. Luke looked up as Carly reached the table, wrapping her hand around the back of the chair offered her.
"What's going on?" she asked, with unchecked distrust. Bobbie shot Luke a look that was not lost on Carly. This was definitely not a coincidence. She'd been set up. The only question now was "for what?"
Luke leaned back in his chair, draping his arm over that back, and looked at her with a lazy smile. "You're still so suspicious, darlin'. That's bad for digestion."
"You should know."
"Touche".
Bobbie looked back and forth between her relatives, obviously a little tense. "Will you two stop it? Just... Carly, sit down, please."
Carly rolled her eyes and flopped down in the chair, already on edge. Well, that hadn't taken long. She looked back at Luke, warily. He grinned.
"Aw, Barbara, give us a break. It's how Caroline and I relate."
"Relate?" Carly clicked her tongue. "Is that what we're doing?"
Carly saw the look of disapproval descend on her mother's features and glanced away quickly. She hated the way Bobbie's eyes bored into her, the way her mouth twisted slightly before the inevitable --
"Carly."
"What?" she shot back. "Are you going to tell me you didn't know he was going to be here?"
"Watch it, Caroline. You're going to hurt my feelings."
"Carly," Bobbie said with infinite patience, "I don't know what you think is going on here, but honestly, I just ran into Luke here... And... Well, we were discussing something."
Carly glanced over at her uncle, and folded her arms protectively across her stomach. She was already beginning to feel a familiar fear rising inside her. Luke always made her feel a little uneasy, and that hadn't changed much now that he was no longer threatening her on a regular basis. She still didn't trust him not to turn her life upside down on a moment's notice.
"Discussing me, right?" she asked, petulantly.
Bobbie gave a weary sigh. It was, sometimes, as if she hadn't missed much of Carly's life at all. She experienced a slide show of "stages" every so often that made it feel like she'd struggled through the terrible twos and up with her daughter, just as Virginia had.
Luke was appraising Carly with detached calm. "Why don't you give my niece and I a moment."
Carly looked up at him sharply, taking in the way he seemed to be sizing her up. Oh, great. This was going from bad to worse.
Apparently, this wasn't lost on her mother. "Luke," Bobbie warned. He gave her a charming smile.
"I got a little business to discuss with her, that's all."
"Business?" Carly looked at Bobbie accusingly. "What is he talking about?"
Bobbie put a hand to her forehead. Alright. Fine. If Luke was determined to do this, she wasn't going to be stupid enough to get in the way. And who knows... Maybe he was right. Maybe Carly would appreciate this. Maybe it was just what she needed.
Big maybe.
"I'm going to say hello to Ruby," Bobbie said, not even trying to disguise the obvious excuse. "Tell me when you're done."
Carly was too busy glaring at Luke to answer her mother. He had that look on his face. That "I'm going to fix this" look. She hated that look.
"Whatever you're thinking --" she started, only to be cut off.
"What I'm thinking, you don't want to hear."
"Probably not," Carly propped her elbows on the table, resting her chin in her hands. "But you're still going to tell me, right?"
Luke took a swig of his coffee, and turned to face her, lowering his voice.
"Look. All I'm doing right now is asking you a favour."
Carly stared at him, feeling herself go cold. "A favour?" she smirked at him. "Like what? Check your gas tank with a match?"
"Not what I had in mind, but thanks for the offer," he drawled, clearly amused. This was the Caroline he remembered. Not that quiet, placid thing he'd seen at the wedding. Now, THAT had been scary. The idea of a Spencer woman just rolling over and taking what was being dished out to her? Must have been an act. She was good, he had to admit that. He'd almost bought it himself. He leaned in close, his face inches from her's. "No, here's the thing. I just lost a waitress at the club -- one of my best. I was wondering if you felt like a change of scenery."
Carly blinked.
"You're kidding, right?"
Luke shrugged, pulling out a cigar. Let the games begin. "Well, you got enough attitude to work for me."
"Work for you?" Carly's voice flew up several octaves. "Work for YOU? No way! Not in a million years!"
Luke bit the end off the cigar and shot Carly an injured look. "Now, there you go with the insults again."
Carly dropped her arms onto the table and leaned forward, seething. "No way, no way I would ever --" she stopped short, sitting bolt upright. "Why the hell would you even want me around? You don't even LIKE me, for God's sake! Did my mother ask you to do this?"
"Are you finished?" Luke raise his eyebrows, as he bent to light the cigar.
"Not even close. No, if you think I need some kind of pity job from YOU of all people, you can just forget it. I could... Look. I have options, ok. I don't need to be serving drinks in some trashy blues club --"
"Hey, hey, hey!" Luke protested, pushing the cigar smoke out of his lungs and into her face. "Lay off the club."
Carly waved her hand in the air in front of her face, glowering at him. "I'm not going to waitress, ok?"
Luke sat back, taking a long drag on the cigar and watched Carly, who shaking slightly at the very idea.
"What are you planning to do with your life, Carly,"
Carly stared at him, her eyes cold. "What gives you the right to ask me that?"
Luke leaned forward on the table, pointing the cigar at her threateningly. "I'll tell you what gives me the right. Watching my little sister tying herself into knots over you and whatever mood you're swinging with this week, that's what." Luke sat back, heavily, looking a little surprised by his own outburst. Carly glared at the table top, her jaw set.
"You don't know anything about it," she muttered. Luke shook his head.
"Don't be so sure of that."
Carly felt her insides twist violently at the thought. She didn't know, not for certain, just what information Luke was privy to regarding her 'situation'. But he knew enough. Enough to use against her. Enough to push the right buttons. She gritted her teeth.
"You always think you're so superior..."
Luke looked at Carly sadly. It was a shame. Really. She was better than this -- she was a Spencer, she had to be. Hell, how could he deny that when she was this damn stubborn? He rolled the cigar back and forth between his fingers.
"I know what I am."
Carly didn't move. She just continued to stare, unmoved, at the top of the table. Luke glanced towards the kitchen to make sure Bobbie wasn't on her way back to the table. Not catching sight of her, he brought his elbows down on the table, running his free hand over his short hair in an attempt to gather his thoughts.
"Look," he said, finally. " You want to be a part of this family -- I always said there was a place for you. But you gotta show that fight, you gotta get UP when someone knocks you down."
Luke suppressed the urge to smile when Carly looked up at him, her eyes flashing.
"I didn't ask for your advice! I never asked for anything from you!"
"I know what happened, Carly. I was there."
"Yeah," Carly spit, "And I saw a lot of fight coming off you then, right? No one stood up for me in that courtroom -- including you! So don't give me this Spencer garbage now."
Luke's jaw tightened at the idea that he had let family down. "You sabotaged every single thing anyone tried to do for you, little girl. Don't forget that."
Carly looked away, fighting back tears of fury. He blamed her. Just like everyone else. How could she have expected him to understand anyway? He had all his children under one roof. Luke Spencer, one of the most unstable people she'd ever come across... But no one took his children away from him. If anyone had ever tried, they would have been missing body parts. But he expected her to just bounce right back afterwards. Like it was a scraped knee or something. She looked back at him, with barely contained fury, her voice shaking.
"You let them take away my son. We both know that. You can say whatever you want, but don't talk to me about us being family. I don't need your approval to be Bobbie's daughter. That's what I am. And no one, not even the great Luke Spencer can change that!" Carly stood up, unsteadily, and lifted her chin in defiance. "Tell my mother I lost my appetite." She turned on her heel and made her way out of Kelly's as quickly as she could.
Luke watched her walk out, then leaned back in his chair, chewing on the end of his cigar. 'Well,' he mused, 'at least that got a rise out of her.'
~*~*~
Nikolas walked along the boardwalk with Emily Quartermaine, trying really hard to follow the conversation. He was finding Emily increasingly esoteric, the deeper she got into the photography world. Modelling had been fairly simple, but now Emily's passion was the other side of the lense, and he really couldn't follow these conversations about light meters and development chemicals. He smiled slightly, though, at her passion. It was nice to see Emily happy about something for once. Modelling hadn't been the be all and end all career choice she'd seemed to think it was when she was fifteen. He was actually pretty relieved about that.
"So," he tried again to hold up his end of the conversation, "You're trying to do what now?"
"Not trying, exactly," Emily said, lightly, "It's not hard, it's called Polaroid transference, and it looks REALLY cool. I've already done some, I should show you my portfolio some time."
"Yeah, definitely,"
Emily stopped, leaning causally against the railing. "Well, it would help if you actually called me some time, you know. Instead of running into each other at the hospital, or wherever."
Nikolas turned and appraised Emily's demeanour. She was clearly teasing him, and he allowed himself to smile in response. Emily felt her breath catch slightly, and told herself to get a grip. She'd been down this road before, and she wasn't anxious to repeat those performances. On the other hand, for the first time in recent memory, she and Nikolas were actually single at the same time. Ok, well... Technically Nikolas had been single most of the time she'd known him, but that was only by appearances. Now, however, with Robin married... He had to be open to other options, right? She cocked her head to one side and gave him a well practised smile.
"You look like you've got something on your mind."
Nikolas shrugged, looking away. "I've been preoccupied lately."
"Yeah," Emily rolled her eyes. "There's a lot of that going around. You know, big family wedding none of the family was actually supposed to go to, stuff like that. -- OH!" Emily's eyes widened. "Speaking of which, you were supposed to save me a dance and you disappeared!"
Nikolas struggled for a moment. He'd forgotten all about that. A promise he'd made outside the reception hall, before dinner. Emily, having also been a bridesmaid along with Carly and Brenda hadn't been seated at the table from hell with him and Lucky, and then... Well. He'd allowed himself to get distracted.
"I'm sorry, I... I left earlier than I'd expected."
"I figured," Emily looked down at the boardwalk, trying to come up with a graceful way to steer this conversation in another direction. She didn't want to embarrass Nikolas, or get into anything too heavy today. She was already having trouble not being completely giddy at the fact that they'd run into each other for once. She could not figure out why, even after year of modelling, of seeing herself in posters, and magazines, of being calm and cool with every boy who ever worked up the guts to approach her, she was still a goofy fourteen year old when it came to Nikolas. She pushed herself off the railing and gave a dramatic sigh. "Well, I forgive you," she told him, turning to continue down the walk. "You're a busy guy."
Busy. Nikolas knew he was supposed to feel busy. He was a Cassadine after all, and he had international empire to assist in the running of. The fact of the matter was, at this point, he was still being fit into a structure that had run for years without his assistance and waiting, not-so-patiently, for it to get interesting. The past few days he would have welcomed the distraction -- any distraction -- if it had made him feel like it actually deserved his attention. But all was quiet on the Western Front, and the fact of the matter was, he was bored.
Nikolas looked up, realizing Emily had asked him a question. He was really being a miserable companion this afternoon.
"I'm sorry?"
Emily laughed with more than a tinge of nervousness. "Did you not get enough sleep last night, or am I really that boring?"
Nikolas hung his head, trying to regroup. He had been acting like this ever since the wedding, and it was not going away. It was like his brain was floating out to sea on him, and he had to keep reeling it back in.
"I've just been..." He stopped and turned to look at her, meeting her eyes. "Dissatisfied."
Emily's face fell.
"No, no... I don't mean with you, I just mean... Generally."
Emily was not particularly comforted by that remark, but she bit her lip and considered it. "Like... Restless?"
"Yeah," Nikolas looked uncertain. That wasn't the word he was looking for. He felt stuck -- In a place he suspected he could spend his life in if he wasn't careful. Emily reached out and put a hand on his arm, lightly.
"Well, maybe you need a change. You know? Just... Try something new."
Nikolas exhaled heavily, purposely focusing his gaze on the wharf down below, the line where the water hit the dock. "Yeah," he muttered, mostly to himself. "I tried that. Nothing came of it."
Emily laughed slightly, not entirely sure what he was referring to. "Well, if at first you don't succeed..."
Nikolas nodded, still staring at the water. He let the events of that night come back to him once again. He still didn't know what to make of it, what he should think, or feel... And he was sick of trying to figure it out. Three days, and he was beginning to realize how this was supposed to work. Just fade into the annals of history. Filed under the heading of "What could have been" or "What shouldn't have even been started in the first place". It was the sort of situation where you started the next day with an undefinable feeling that something should be different -- only to find that everything was exactly how you left it. And whatever had happened in one moment, separated from the rest of your life, was just an isolated occurrence. After all, what was he supposed to do? Call her? Ask her out? The idea was laughable. It didn't work like that for Cassadines. That was a lesson he had learned well. Cassadines don't date. They have clandestine affairs that they desperately hide from family members. And it seemed clear, that if Stefan had a problem with Robin Scorpio, then he would certainly have a stroke over Carly Roberts. In addition to that, Nikolas was still sorting his own way around what had happened, and just what it meant, in the grand scheme of things.
Emily, a little unnerved by Nikolas's mood, realized he was, once again, not listening to her. She cleared her throat. "Nikolas?"
Nikolas sighed, aware that Emily was staring at him, and turned back to her just in time to catch a movement on the docks below out of the corner of his eye. He glanced back and felt his mouth go immediately dry.
She was walking along the dock, staring out at the water, the wind blowing through her hair, whipping it around in a million different directions. He could tell, even from this distance, that she was upset. It was in the way she carried herself. The way she was gazing, wistfully, off to the horizon. She looked like a woman in mourning. He felt himself take an step towards her, then, remembering where he was, stopped.
Emily frowned at her friend. Something had obviously caught his attention. She turned to investigate whatever it was, but Nikolas grabbed her arm, quickly, and turned her back to face him.
"Uh, go on. You were saying?"
Emily shook her head in confusion. "Nikolas!" she laughed, "What's going ON with you?"
Emily's voice, her high-pitched laughter, carried on the wind, and Carly froze at the sound. Nikolas? She spun around and looked up, her eyes immediately meeting his. She felt almost as if the earth had dropped out from underneath her. He stared at her a long moment, and Carly felt the hair on her arms and the back of her neck suddenly stand on end. She turned away, quickly.
Nikolas, aware that his heart had just picked up speed, looked back at Emily, releasing her arm, as if he would telegraph the sudden physical change. He didn't want to give away any symptoms of... Well. Whatever this was.
"I just..." He stopped short. He had to make himself breath. Why was he reacting like this? "I'm sorry, Emily. I... Uh. You're right. We should probably make an effort to see each other some time," Nikolas made a face. "After I regain my powers of linear thought."
Emily felt an all-too-familiar sinking feeling appearing in her stomach. She tried to shrug casually. "Ok, fine. How long do you think that will take?"
Nikolas stole a quick glance in Carly's direction. She was still there. Staring out at the water. She wasn't walking away. She was waiting. He looked back at Emily in some desperation.
"Uh, how about... Sunday? Maybe. You could show me your portfolio then."
"Sure," Emily said, running quickly through her mental rolodex to recall if she had something else planned. Oh, who cares. This was Nikolas Cassadine, after all. "Give me a call, ok?"
Nikolas nodded, forcing his eyes to remain on Emily, though he couldn't shake the feeling that Carly would walk away before he extricated himself from this conversation.
"I will," he said, quickly. "I'll call tomorrow,"
"Ok..." Emily looked at him oddly. "Nikolas."
"What?"
"Take care of yourself, ok?"
Nikolas exhaled heavily. "Yeah..." he said, with a small smile, "I'll try."
Emily reached out and squeezed Nikolas's hand. "You deserve it. Remember that."
Nikolas nodded, barely aware of what she was saying.
"I will..."
"Ok," Emily said, with a tone of finality. "I'll see you."
"Thanks Em," her murmured as she turned away.
"Any time," she said, waving over her shoulder. Nikolas watched her walk off down the boardwalk, waiting until she was several feet away, before allowing himself to turn back and check on Carly.
She was still there. She hadn't even moved, still staring out at the water, her arms wrapped around her waist.
Now what?
The question didn't seem to need an answer. In fact, Nikolas felt like thought was about the worst thing he could do. He just moved away from the railing, and turned towards the stairs.
Carly fixed her eyes on the horizon as she heard the creek of the stairs behind her. Walk away, she told herself. He stomach was steadily constricting with each step he took towards her. Her eyes blurred, unable to focus anymore, and she felt her heart begin to race. WALK AWAY her brain commanded again. Her body wouldn't obey. She just stood there, holding her breath, as the footsteps came to rest at the bottom of the stairs.
She waited for him to speak. Nothing. Nothing but the wind, barrelling along the docks, and the water splashing up at her feet. She tried to picture what he was doing, whether he was planning on speaking, or if he'd just turn and walk away. God, she didn't want that. At this exact moment, the way she was feeling, she wanted to just forget about all of this, everything she'd decided about him, and seek out his arms again. Ask him to hold her. Go right back to square one.
Finally she heard his voice.
"Don't jump."
Carly felt her knees buckle slightly, and she laughed, a release she didn't think she was capable of. Rather than fight gravity, she sunk down onto the dock, shaking her head. "Why do you always sneak up on me?"
Nikolas didn't feel like he was even present anymore. He wasn't making the decisions, he wasn't choosing any of this. It was just happening. And he prayed nothing was going to happen to make it stop. He walked across the dock, stopping just a few feet away from her.
"You knew I was here."
Carly turned and swung her legs to hang over the edge of the dock. She leaned forward, gripping the edge with her hands.
"You still surprised me."
Nikolas smiled at the tone in her voice. It was almost comforting, how familiar it had become.
"Who ticked you off this time?"
Carly felt tears immediately come to her eyes. "You don't want to know, believe me."
Nikolas closed his eyes at the timber of her voice. It was there again, that vulnerability. It seemed already that the things he'd thought he'd remembered so clearly had actually been fuzzy and vague. Now it was coming back to him, hitting him hard. And he had no idea what to do about it.
It was time to make a decision. Either he was going to play this safe, keep a distance -- something it seemed, would be difficult to do -- or he was going to do something. There really was only one answer for him.
Carly looked up as Nikolas dropped down on the edge of the dock beside her. Though he was sitting a few feet away, she felt herself flush, and she turned away quickly. She wasn't going to do this again. She just wasn't.
"I have a question for you," Nikolas stated after a moment. Carly spun back to face him.
"A question?"
"Yes."
"Ok..." Carly bit her lip. "What's that?"
"Were you looking for me?"
Carly nearly choked. "What?"
Ok. That wasn't too humiliating. Nikolas glance back out at the water and deciding he'd taken this too far not to just keep on pushing.
"Well," he said, pointing out to the island. "This is where the launch to Spoon Island docks."
Carly felt immediately threatened. She hadn't thought of that. The launch. The fact that she could see Spoon Island from here... Well. That was another matter. One she wasn't ready to admit to. She cocked her head to one side, and kicked her feet out, as if she didn't have a care in the world.
"Nikolas," she rolled his name around her mouth as if she were just hearing it for the first time. "I take the term 'one night stand' really literally, ok? One night. And you had yours."
Nikolas stared at her, slightly in shock at the comment. He opened his mouth to respond, then realized he had absolutely no idea what to say. He turned away from him quickly, and Carly felt a twinge, aware that she'd just hurt him. She looked down at the water and waited for him to regroup. The silence seemed to go on forever, and finally, she leaned back on her arms, as if nothing had happened, and tilted her head up to the sky.
"So, can I ask you a question?"
Nikolas finally turned back to look at her. She had her eyes closed, and was arching her back to better feel the sun on her face. He turned away, looking down the wharf.
"I don't think you really answered mine,"
"I don't even remember what it was," Carly said, dismissing the topic. She sat up again and regarded him, noting that he still wasn't looking at her. She ran her fingers through her hair, struggling to remain relaxed. "No. I wanted to ask you -- why are you doing this?"
This got his attention, and he looked back at her. "Doing what?"
"Talking to me."
Nikolas looked perplexed. "What am I supposed to do? Pretend I don't know you?"
Carly shrugged. "Lots of guys would."
Nikolas looked down at the water and shrugged.
"I don't know. It seems... Strange. To just pretend nothing ever happened."
In a strange way, Carly found that touching. The twenty-first century version of gallantry. Still, she didn't want to get suckered into anything.
"So, what?" she said, a tinge of sarcasm in her voice. "Do you think we should be 'friends' or something?"
Nikolas repressed the urge to shudder at the word. Robin's word.
"I could think of worse things"
Carly shook herself at the wave of regret hitting her. He was being so... vulnerable. She still couldn't believe that he hadn't just walked out on her. The fact that he stayed seemed to say more than anything she could imagine. There just didn't seem to be any facade with him. She felt a wave of crippling guilt at being so harsh -- one stupid remark. Why did she always have to do things like that to people? She sucked on her lower lip, giving the idea some thought.
"We have nothing in common." She laughed slightly. "I mean... Think of it. What would we do? What would we talk about?"
Nikolas, surprised to hear her pursuing the idea with any seriousness, allowed himself to turn back to her. She met his eyes, and they gazed at each other a long moment. Carly felt like she was being pulled in, could actually feel herself begin to move towards him before she gripped the dock with her hand again, physically restraining herself from doing what felt to be unforgivably stupid.
"Ok," she jumped up suddenly, desperate to throw herself into action. "Come on."
Nikolas shook his head, a little thrown by the sudden change in demeanour. "Where are you going?"
Carly was already at the bottom of the stairs. She tossed him a devilish smile over her shoulder. "You have to follow me to find out."
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