Chapter Eighty-Seven:
In the Bedroom

It probably should have been a more surreal experience to sit around the breakfast table at Wyndemere with three Spencers and argue about the day’s plans, but Nikolas was finding it surprisingly at ease.

Oh, he was annoyed – he had felt perpetually annoyed since his conversation with his father last night. Stefan had outlined for him the details of his interaction with Carly, both before the accident and after. And Nikolas was annoyed to find out the post-nup had been mentioned again, that they had discussed how much he would hate it before giving the idea up. He was annoyed that they had continued the conversation, like some sort of Cold War summit meeting until eventually deciding – for him – that it was acceptable that they just ignored the issue and went on openly distrusting each other. When he had gone back, hours later, to talk to Carly about it, she had shrugged and told him, flatly, that there wasn’t exactly another solution to the problem. And she wasn’t willing to be the reason he was “suffering” anymore. When he’d tried to point out that he WASN’T suffering, she’d rolled her eyes at him and gone to take a shower.

Now, having breakfast and fighting with her family members, he was still feeling prickly and put out. But he wasn’t feeling uncomfortable about it.

“I have had enough sleep,” he reiterated to Carly, though, truthfully, he absolutely had not. “And I’m not leaving you alone at the Quartermaines.”

“Mama can come with me,” she pointed out, not for the first time. Bobbie had gone with Carly for part of her visitation a few times in the past month – it was one of the things that drove Nikolas most crazy about this whole arrangement – it wasn’t just Carly who was insanely limited in her access to her son. It was her whole family.

“I’d love to, honestly,” Bobbie was sitting back in her chair, sipping her tea. “Do you think it would be pushing it if Lucas came with us?”

“So let’s push it,” Lucas spoke up from the other end of the table where he was sulking over having been pulled out of bed before ten a.m. “This is stupid.”

Everyone disregarded this outburst in favor of continuing the primary debate. “So you’re suggesting I skip seeing Michael this week entirely,” Nikolas pressed.

Carly smiled at him in a way that indicated that his annoyance was somehow pleasing to her. “No, you can come at three and give me a ride home.”

“Because that worked out really nicely last time.”

“He’s used to us now. He loves you – he’s not going to melt down.”

“By all means, lets test that theory six days before the custody review”

Carly flinched, and he exhaled heavily. He was probably being too blunt. And it was probably because Carly was right about the lack of sleep he’d managed the night before.

“I don’t like showing up at the end of the visit. I do not like being the person who shows up when you have to leave – at least when I see him at the start of the visit, I’m also the person who brings you to him.” Bobbie was giving him a decidedly sappy look and he turned his attention determinedly to the half eaten scone he’s abandoned at the beginning of this conversation.

“Alright,” Bobbie mused. “So I’ll stay with Stefan, you take Carly, and then Lucas and I will join you later.”

“No!” Lucas and Carly spoke in unison, startling both their remaining breakfast companions.

“I don’t want to hang out here another four hours!” Lucas complained. “This place is boring!”

“You have done enough,” Carly spoke overlapping him. “Alexis can stay with Stefan.”

“Alexis isn’t going to be get back from her business trip until noon, and by then you have to be at the mansion. Nikolas can take you, then I’ll come by after I take Lucas home –“

“I WANT to see Michael,” Lucas grumbled. “He IS my nephew.”

Bobbie sighed. “Nikolas, what do you think?”

“I’d risk it.” His unspoken faith in his threat to Edward made Bobbie frown, but she let it go.

“Fine. Then you take Carly, and Lucas and I will come after Alexis gets here. You can take Lucas home and head back to the island, and I’ll drive Carly home after the visit.”

“I can come get Carly –“ Nikolas started, but Carly cut him off.

“YOU should be here with your father and your aunt,” she leaned forward, trying to catch his eye. “Look, I know what you actually want to do is clone yourself, but given your family’s history with Weird Science, that’s probably not a good idea. Besides. I think we should probably stay at the Guest House tonight.”

Ah. More of the unfolding conversation she’d had with his father last night.

“Do you?” His voice was so cold that every single person in the table turned to look at him with raised eyebrows. He cleared his throat. “Why’s that?”

“It makes sense, doesn’t it? It’ll drive you crazy to be at the Brownstone while he’s still recovering, and Alexis is probably going to hand us something about how we should all be one big shiny happy family holding hands before the review date, anyway.” Well. That was true. And Carly seemed to cotton on all of the sudden and added “I literally just thought of that. It wasn’t some blood oath I made with Stefan last night or anything.”

“Good to know.”

“Alright, fine,” Carly threw up her hands to demonstrate just how very over Nikolas and his mood she was. “Mama can stay with Stefan. You drive me and Lucas to the mansion, then when Mama gets there, you can drive Lucas home. You come back here, do the family thing, make sure your father hasn’t weakened in his pursuit of the Worst Patient Ever title, and then GET SOME SLEEP before you start kicking puppies for fun.”

Lucas snorted, which Nikolas did not appreciate, terribly. Though he did understand where the kid was coming from.

"For the record," he said, heavily, staring down at his plate. "I have never kicked a puppy."

He felt Bobbie's hand reach over and pat his arm. "Nikolas... have you considered, maybe – just this once – trying some coffee?"

This day could not end soon enough.

AJ Quartermaine was reaching the end of his rope.

As he stood at the bay windows that lined the front of the second floor hallway and looked down at his son playing in the Rose Garden, he really wanted a drink. It seemed like he should be drinking right now – either that, or stroking a white cat while he gazed malevolently at the games below. Michael was laughing, his face red and his hair standing on end as he continually jumped up onto Nikolas, and, holding his hands, tumbled over backwards in an assisted acrobatic somersault. When he finally tired of that, he careened around to where his mother sat next to his uncle, and threw himself into her lap. AJ watched this and knew – right to his core – that he was going to lose.

He hadn’t let himself really think those words – for weeks he’d done everything he could think of to try not to let the thought in. He met with lawyers, he had strategy meetings, he continued to distance himself from Chris. He kept moving forward – like a shark, he thought, wryly – and it wasn’t helping. Because the thought had caught up with him and now it wouldn’t let go.

You are going to lose.

And of course he was. Forget the money and the heritage and the vestiges of old world power – Carly, Nikolas and Michael looked like a family. They were a freakin’ Sears Catalogue. And it wasn’t just here at the mansion. He’d had people looking for trouble. Carly was ridiculously clean – maybe for the first time ever. She went from her mother’s house, where she and Nikolas appeared to be staying, maybe to work or the hospital, and then home. Sometimes she went shopping – but her purchases weren’t the stuff of Black Widows. There were photographs, but they were about as far from damaging as could be imagined. In fact they were worse than that – they were helpful. Carly buying groceries; Carly standing with her mother outside of General Hospital; Carly walking with her brother along the street near the Brownstone. Carly being a model freakin’ citizen. And when she was with Nikolas, it was worse. They were always holding hands, or he was opening a door for her. There was one picture of them kissing in the parking lot of Luke’s, which was the very worst place for that one to turn up, since it indicated a certain comfort between Spencers and Cassadines.

How had he ended up the bad guy here?

Well, ok. He knew the answer to that one. He’d felt justified at the time – it was hard not to. She’d stolen the first two years of his son’s life from him, and he would never get those back. She had raised the boy as another man’s son – a man with mob ties no less – and no matter what residual feelings still existed for him on the subject of Jason, no matter how complicated all that guilt and resentment was, on the topic of Michael things got very clear. Mine and Back off. That had nothing to do with Carly. That had to do with the damage a bullet stood to do to a little boy.

Damage to Michael was what kept AJ on the straight and narrow. If he didn’t have his son, he didn’t know where he’d be right now. The chances were as good as any that he’d be at the bottom of a bottle right now. Or in rehab. Or dead. He sure as hell wouldn’t be CEO of ELQ. He wouldn’t be living at home. He wouldn’t be a close facsimile to the Golden Quartermaine Grandson his Grandfather had always wanted. He was scared to lose Michael. He was scared of what he’d do – or what he’d lose the will not to do. AJ couldn’t call himself a happy man – but he was a man with a purpose. He could not allow that to be taken away, because without it…

Without it he’d turn into the person Carly had been for the past year. Ruined, hollow, desperate. That was how he’d looked at it during the trial – it’s you or me. We’re too much alike, we’re too poisonous, and of the two of us, I’m the less psychotic. That was how he’d justified it to himself: he was better for Michael than she was. She had to be stopped. He didn’t have to play fair when Michael’s life was on the line.

But not playing fair had a price, and the anticipated cost was keeping him up nights.

As was thinking about Carly and her idyllic fucking marriage. Her mother was walking across the grass now. She waved and was greeted by Michael picking himself up and barreling over to her. Bobbie kneeled down in the grass and hugged him like he was returning from war. AJ watched Nikolas gently touch Carly’s shoulder, say something to her – gesturing towards the driveway – and then kiss her lightly before sweeping up Michael and swinging him around.

AJ retreated from the window. That was enough. Emily was home, Chris was here – He had to get out of the house. He wasn’t entirely sure where he’d go, but he could not watch another second of this.

He hurried down the stairs to the foyer, grabbed his car keys, hustled through a quick conversation with his grandmother, and then headed out the front door just in time to run smack into the Fallen Prince.

Beautiful.

Nikolas was just coming around the side of the house, ending a call on his cell phone and holding his own keys – to that ridiculously un-child-friendly Jaguar. He stopped dead at the sight of AJ and drew himself up to full height. That he was here was annoying enough, but that regal air Nikolas still threw off from time to time was the last straw.

“Going already?” AJ spoke with a bitter joviality. “It’s early in the day, yet.”

He watched Nikolas evaluate whether or not to engage. After a moment he slid his hands into his pockets and allowed, “Lucas is saying good-bye. I’m going to drive him home.”

“Having quite the family reunion out there.”

To this, Nikolas said nothing. Just barely raised his brow and looked at AJ with something close to disinterest. AJ felt a buzzing in his head, and willed himself to just walk away – walk away, get out of here, get away from these people.”

“You think you’re different, don’t you?” he spit at Nikolas instead. “Special?”

Still nothing, though the expression darkened.

“I mean, I know I did. That’s her gift. Sure, she’s beautiful, passionate – Both good things. But what hooks you – what really draws you in? It’s how she looks at you. Am I right? How she makes you feel like you’re the only man in the world. And that, in her eyes, you’re smart and funny – And you understand her. You see something in her that everyone else is overlooking. That smile – the way her whole face lights up. Before you know it, all you want to do is get her to smile at you like that again. If she’s sad, or upset, you want to fix it. And when she tells you her problems, you believe every single one, because this girl… you know her soul.” He could feel his hands shaking. It had been so damn long since he’d even let himself think about this, but it was right at the surface. It was thrumming just under his skin, raging at how close he’d been, once, to being Nikolas. How close he’d been to thinking they could have something. “It’s a game to her. People are nothing but pawns for to manipulate. And you might even known what she’s capable of, you might have heard all about it – but you still think that you’re different. You got that connection,” he snapped his fingers, but Nikolas didn’t so much as flinch. “No way should could be faking that, right?" AJ mouth twisted bitterly and he shook his head. "You’re gonna be where I am some day. It’s just a matter of when. Because no one truly rates with Carly… No one but Jason. It’ll always be about Jason for her. And the mere mortals like you and me? We’re just collateral damage.”

Yeah. He needed to get out of here. Self pity without alcohol was absolutely nauseating. For just a glimmer of a second he thought Nikolas looked just that little bit sick – But if it was there, it didn’t last, because he pulled his cell phone out of his pocket, checked the display, and then looked back at him with only the slightest hint of malice.

“What,” he murmured, keeping his voice low, “makes you think it’s a good idea to piss me off?”

AJ smiled, very nearly laughed. “You’ll see,” he sighed, turning to head towards his own car. “You’ll figure it out for yourself. Some day.”

It’d be great, though, he thought as he pulled open the driver’s side door, if that day could come before next Friday.

A good hour after saying goodbye to Michael for the week, Carly sat on a bench at Bannister’s Wharf and watched her mother cry. They’d had a good afternoon – Bobbie had played with her and Michael for an hour, and then had gone off to sit with her book for a few hours while Carly soaked up some alone time with her son. Towards the end of the visit, tracking the events of the last few days, Carly had realized she was going to end up being alone with her mother. And she was going to have to tell her about Virginia.

It had not been an easy conversation. Bobbie had reacted with anger, at first, and then with horror, and now… Now she was weeping softly at her daughter’s side and not saying a word.

“I never talked about it,” Carly said, finally. Bobbie hadn’t asked her ‘why now?’ – but she imagined she was thinking about it.

“This came out of your work with Kevin?”

She nodded.

“So it’s a good thing, then – talking about it.”

Well. Supposedly. “He thinks so,” she allowed.

“And what do you think?”

Ugh, the $64,000 question. “I guess so.”

“Does Nikolas know?” Bobbie shook her head, hard. “What am I talking about? Of course he knows. That’s what he’s been so cryptic and possessive about.”

“I didn’t want him to get into it with you. And I just… I needed –“

“Some time. Yes, Nikolas told me” Her mother took a deep, shuddering breath. “Oh, Carly. Carly, I’m so sorry.”

For the first time that afternoon, she felt tears prick her eyes. “Don’t be.”

“I have to be. I gave you to her.”

Carly felt a familiar feeling of protective anger kick up inside her, but she didn't have the energy for it. “She wasn’t a bad mother."

Bobbie sighed, wiping at her eyes. "She just had a problem," she spoke the words as if they were by route. "Like my father had a problem."

Her anger dissolved and Carly wondered why she'd never seen that parallel before. It was amazing what you could force yourself not to notice, if you were devoted enough to the enterprise.

"She wasn't anything like your father," Carly allowed. "She was so normal. They wouldn't have seen it coming."

“No,” Bobbie’s voice strained. “They didn’t seem to see a lot of things coming, did they?”

Carly laced her fingers together. What was she supposed to say? There were probably worse families to end up in – but most people didn’t go out shopping for an absentee father and a drug-addled mom.

“That wasn’t supposed to happen. When I gave you up, you were… You were supposed to end up some place … better.” Bobbie fished in her pocket for a tissue. “And I suppose you did.”

Barely moving her lips, Carly allowed herself to say something she’d never quite managed to get out before. “Are you sure about that?”

“Yes!” Bobbie started in her seat. “God, yes. I would have been a terrible mother to you.”

“Don’t take this the wrong way, but sometimes that’s hard to believe.”

Bobbie smiled unsteadily and her eyes filled with tears again. “Oh, Carly. Carly, I wasn’t like I am now. I was hard and angry and out for myself. My whole life was about survival. And what was I supposed to do? Leave you with Ruby while I went out to turn tricks?”

Carly felt her throat tighten. “Would that have been so bad?”

“Yes! You were this beautiful, innocent little baby. And I had nothing to give you. No support, no father for you, none of it. But if I gave you away, you could have everything. I used to think of you in a house with a yard and a dog, wearing frilly dresses and going to Sunday school. Everything I didn’t have when I was a little girl. And those first years – Sometimes I’d see little girls your age with their mothers and I’d think “that’s what she’s going to be like”. And it gave me some hope.” She dabbed at her eyes with her tissue. “You remember how we talked about Nikolas being the price Laura had to pay for her freedom? It was like you were the price I paid for not fighting for myself.”

Carly shook her head. “Price? Mama, you were a kid!”

“I was! I was a kid and I had a lot of strikes against me. But I had family. And I had a brain. I had some resources. And maybe if I hadn’t gotten pregnant with you, I never would have used those. I would have just thought this was the best I could do – this was all life had in store for me. I don’t know. I always thought it was temporary, but I knew so many women who started out that same way and they stayed. It turned into their life.” Carly watched her mother bow her head again and she moved across the bench towards her. They had talked about some of this stuff, of course they had. But never with this much raw honesty. She reached out hesitantly to touch her mother’s shoulder. When she didn’t pull away, Carly slowly slid her arm around her, and Bobbie let herself lean against her daughter. She took a few deep breaths and then murmured “ It was like I was moving towards you, towards the life I’d sent you to. I got my GED, I went to Nursing school, I changed my life – and it was painful to think about you. So I thought about myself. I was good at that. I’d remember your birthday, and sometimes I’d remember being pregnant and giving birth – but I stopped looking at little girls and thinking ‘that’s how old she is now.’ I put you away.” Bobbie stared straight ahead for a long moment, lips pressed together. When she spoke again, her voice was strained. “When BJ died… I thought of you then. I thought about how I didn’t know if you were alive or dead. And over time, I stopped being able to push you out of my thoughts. And that’s when I went to find Virginia.” She lifted her head up and looked over at Carly with a sad smile. “But you were already here. And I guess this is the first time I really understand why.”

“I just wanted to see,” Carly could barely speak, the lump in her throat was so large. “And then…”

She gave up. It was still too painful to talk about – that girl on the bus, the one who had blown into town determined not to care about anything. She’d thought she could do that – just show up, wreck some havoc, and vanish into the ether. She hadn’t counted on the people. “I know you did what you thought was best,” she managed finally. “And I loved… I love Virginia.” The tears came quickly, sliding hotly down her cheeks. “And none of what happened was your fault, because… It’s just the way it went.”

“But,” Bobbie was looking over at her now with an expression of dawning realization. “You thought it was your fault. Didn’t you?”

Like a switch had been flipped, Carly bent at the waist, put her head down on her knees and wept. She felt her mother’s hand on her back and wanted, desperately, to be able to pop up into a sitting position and insist that she was FINE. This was all FINE! All part of the incredible journey we call life, que sera sera… Instead she shook, and gulped for air and let her mother – her honest to God, in spite of everything, still here mother – comfort her.

“I’m sorry,” she gasped, sitting up. “I know how I hard I always make this for you –”

“Carly,” Bobbie soothed, pushing her hair back from her face. “It’s ok. I like being your mother.”

Carly let out a burst of shocked laughter. “Oh! You lie.”

“No, I don’t,” Bobbie continued to rub small circles on her back, the picture of maternal calm. “Look, there have been moments where I truly did not enjoy the experience of knowing you, Caroline Ann Benson. I imagine you can guess what they were. And there are times when it’s been painful. It had been hard to watch you struggle. It’s been hard to watch you want something you couldn’t have. But, honey, you can be very sweet when you put your mind to it. And you can be funny. And when you love something, you throw your whole heart at it.” She leaned in and rested her forehead against Carly’s temple. “You get that from me, you know.”

“I do know. I definitely know.” Carly pulled in a deep breath. “I’m in love with Nikolas.”

“Hmm. You don’t say.”

Carly nodded, still gulping in air. “I am totally going to screw this up.” She started to cry again. Oh, for the love of God.

“You are not going to screw this up,” Bobbie reassured her. “To start with, I will not allow you to screw this up. I have too much invested in both of you. Secondly – You’re good for him.”

Carly let out another squawk of surprise and Bobbie shushed her.

“First of all, you honestly seem to like him. You aren’t intimidated by the pomp and circumstance. You don’t cater to him. You just take care of him. He needs that.”

“I just feel like this gaping wound half the time. And it’s not fair to him –“

“Stop it,” Bobbie murmured. “You don’t want to screw this up? Don’t go getting insecure. Nikolas is exactly where he wants to be. He loves you, and that is not going to change. All you have to do is act like that’s worth something. That’s all he wants. And as far as I can tell, you’ve given him that.”

She took a few more breaths, wiping at her eyes with the back of her hand. Her mini-meltdown had at least had the effect of calming Bobbie down. She had a good mother. Maybe she hadn’t had her for long, but she still had her.

“You promise?” she managed, finally. Bobbie laughed.

“There are maybe two or three men in the world I’d lay a solid bet on when it comes to staying constant. Nikolas is the only one I’m not related to.”

Carly glanced over at her. “The other one is Luke, isn’t it?”

“I’d give Lucky better than average odds, too.”

She considered asking what kind of odds Bobbie would have put on Tony, but figured that would be pushing her luck. Instead she just smiled at her mother and tried out the declaration skills. “I really love him, Mama. Like I don’t even know how to describe it.”

“I know, honey.” She grinned. “Congratulations.”

“The human heart is a miraculous thing. That I know from personal experience.”

She wasn’t lying. It was always hard for Carly to really look at her mother and see the path her life had taken. From the scared little girl to the teenaged hooker and the frivolous young nurse. She’d arrived late to that party, as young as Bobbie had been when she had her. She’d only seen what happened after the survival. She only found what had grown out of the wreckage. Carly leaned forward impulsively and put her arms around her mother’s neck, kissing her cheek with a loud smack. Bobbie laughed and pulled back to look at her.

“What was that for?”

Carly shrugged. “I just like being your daughter. I really do.”

By the time Nikolas left Wyndemere for the Guest House he’d developed a splitting headache. His father had slept most of the day – which was good – and had agreed to a follow-up trip to General Hospital on Monday, which was better. He’d lost all sense of forward motion at that point – though he did his best to get through a conversation with Alexis about the review before finally begging off to head over the Guest House to get some sleep.

Well. That was the plan, at least. He checked his watch again and wondered what the hell was taking Carly so long. He was not relishing going back to their home – former home? – without her and then reliving his earlier conversation with AJ Quartermaine.

He was very nearly begging his brain to let go of this one, but his defenses were admittedly weakened. And that look on his face… He had never wanted to hit someone more in his life – and given his past relationship with Lucky, that was really saying something. AJ had been angry, bitter – he could see that. The guy did not mask his feelings well. Which was why Nikolas had always known what everyone else seemed to think impossible: AJ Quartermaine was hung up on Carly.

He hated that. He knew Carly hated him as much as she hated anyone. He knew that it would never happen. Still – the fact of it bothered him. The role it might have played, the desperate actions it might inspire.

And then today – hearing AJ’s account of things Carly had already told him about… It sounded like more when AJ talked about it. It sounded like the relationship had gone on longer, had been deeper. And that “passionate” thing had been a nice touch. About as civil way to say “Hey, I’ve slept with your wife!” as there was. In theory, Nikolas did not care about Carly’s past, sexual or otherwise. But that was a much easier position to take when that past wasn’t standing right in front of you, jumping up and down and waving its arms.

He still wasn’t entirely certain how he’d managed to avoid asking AJ just how many times he’d slept with Carly when she was sober.

Actually, he was pretty sure he knew exactly why he hadn’t asked that question. He didn’t want to hear the answer. He didn’t want to find out it might be different from what Carly had told him. Because far too much of what AJ said was familiar. It was something close to an accurate representation of his relationship with Carly – the early part, at least. They’d moved deeper now, hadn’t they? They were more than that. It was more than hope and some imagined meeting of minds. They had a connection. Their connection was real – it had to be. No one could fake that. There was no way.

"You’re gonna be where I am some day. It’s just a matter of when. Because no one truly rates with Carly… No one but Jason. It’ll always be about Jason for her.”

Nikolas stopped dead at the foot of the porch and rubbed his hands over his face. He had to stop this. He was letting AJ get into his head, which was exactly where the little worm wanted to be. He was not going to let this get to him. He was not going to start doubting her.

Fishing his keys out of his pocket, Nikolas moved up the stairs and unlocked their front door. The house looked like a more immaculate version of what they’d left all those weeks ago – Carly’s cosmetic changes still in place, that samovar still in the middle of the dinning room table. He flinched at the memory of that dinner party. He really needed Carly to get back here.

He pulled his cell phone from his pocket as he mounted the stairs towards their bedroom and considered calling her again. Her phone was either buried in her purse, or she wasn’t answering it for some Very Important Reason he didn’t want to think about too much. He called her number again and left her yet another message, just as he came through the door to their bedroom.

“Hey,” he could hear the strain in his own voice and hated it. “It’s me again. I’m taking your advice. I’m going to grab a nap at the Guest House. Come meet me, ok?” He leaned against the doorjamb and gazed into their bedroom. “I miss you.”

Alright, that was pathetic – but safely secured in her phone as he flipped his own shut. She’d forgive him this neediness, he hoped. She usually did – he was just at the end of a short rope today. He was already sick of being alone with his thoughts, and even if it had only been a few hours, he really, really needed to see her.

He wandered into the room, moving to his dresser to empty his pockets. Something felt … off. He looked towards the corner where the replacement for Carly’s dressing table stood, then glanced down at the floor and realized what was different – they’d redone the floors to get rid of the scratch left there when she’d knocked the previous table over. Just as well – if they’d still been living here, he might have asked them to do it himself. Still – everything was in a slightly different place – and they’d added an armchair in the far corner by the window.

He shrugged, throwing his keys, wallet and cell onto the top of the dresser, he kicked his shoes off and started towards the bed. He had just grabbed the edge of his shirt to pull it off when he stopped dead.

There was a strap on the floor, peaking out from under the bed skirt. He frowned and bent down, tugging on it. From under the bed a canvas carry on bag emerged, unzipped and partially filled with women’s clothing.

Nikolas’s field of vision went blank.