Chapter One Hundred Twenty-Four:
How Did I Get Here?

The Quartermaine Mansion, The Living Room.

Taggert is sitting on the arm of the couch. The family has thinned out slightly, AJ having taken Lila into the rose garden. Alan and Monica remain with Edward who has refused to be moved. Garcia stands behind the chair Alan is now seated in.

Taggert: (smirking) I take it we're not going to be seeing your daughter today.

Alan: (under duress) Emily is sleeping. (Edward snorts and Monica shoots him a warning look)

Taggert: Is she? So am I to assume she was released early because she's a quick healer.

Alan: Her mother and I are trained physicians, she was tired of the hospital, we have the ability to care for her here, we decided to make that choice.

Taggert: You don't believe that you're putting her health at risk.

Monica: Of course not.

Taggert: (standing up and wandering the room) You realize… That if she's not here, we will find that out eventually. And when we do, we're going to have a lot of questions about why you lied to us?

Monica: I'm doing what I believe to be best for my daughter.

Ed: I'll tell you what's best for her!

Monica: Edward, so help me…

Taggert: Hey, hey, hey! Not to interrupt the little family feud you got here, but I have a job to do.

Ed: Humph. And what is that, pray tell?

Garcia: (getting to the point) We are investigating a murder.

Ed: A murder.

Garcia: (to Monica) Your daughter's boyfriend… Lucky Spencer, correct?

Ed: Don't remind me.

Monica: Yes?

Garcia: We requested he come in for questioning yesterday morning regarding a murder case we believe he could have some information on. He never showed. Now, we've checked his usual haunts, no sign of him. This is our last stop.

Taggert: Now, we just gotta know… Has Emily seen Lucky since yesterday morning, or has he pulled a disappearing act on her as well? (There's a long silence) OR, has she disappeared along with him?

Monica: (finally) Emily isn't here. And even if she was, I don't think she'd have much to tell you.

Ed: Is that kid a suspect? (Edward gives Taggert, then Garcia, his most evil and suspecting eye. Monica leaps in)

Monica: For God's sake, Edward! Lucky had nothing to do with this, he'd never hurt Emily like that!

Ed: And how do you know that?

Alan: Oh, come on, Father. Even I know that! Murder is a long way off of tampering with evidence!

Taggert: Tampering with evidence? (Oh… Right. Those cops. The family falls into silence)

Alan: That was a family matter, it doesn't concern you.

Taggert: Uh huh… And… The reason the murder… remember, I haven't told you who it was… would hurt your daughter? (HE looks around at the three pointedly) Looks like you might have something to say to us after all, doesn't it?

Garcia: (good cop) Mrs. Quartermaine, why do say Lucky wouldn't have been involved with this murder?

Monica: (heavily) We work at the hospital where she died… (She looks at Garcia) This is Corrine Gibbons, isn't it? (Taggert and Garcia exchange a look)

Taggert: AKA Hannah Hargreaves.

Monica: Lucky wouldn't hurt her. First of all… I admit, his family isn't known for having the greatest of respect for the law, but Lucky… he's not a murderer. I can't believe that.

Taggert: Uh huh… You know they said that about Jeffrey Dahmer.

Monica: Oh, PLEASE!

Alan: He's a troublemaker, is what he is! He's self-involved, he's irresponsible… (He sighs) But my wife's right, he'd never have anything to do with this.

Taggert: I'm still wondering how this all connects to your daughter.

Ed: You MUST be kidding! You call yourself a detective? She was the girl's aunt! (Garcia and Taggert process this)

Monica: (patiently) He's right, she was. Listen. We're willing to cooperate. We want whoever did this to be brought to justice… But as for my daughter… The reason she's not here… the reason Lucky isn't here… is because there is cause to be concerned about her safety. That is why Lucky's left town, it's not because he's on the run from the law!

Taggert: You wanna explain the details here?

Monica: Do we have to do this right now?

Taggert: Last time I let someone put me off, they blew town the minute I turned around.

Monica: You can't be suggesting… Lucky Spencer, in case you weren't aware, has made a life long habit of "blowing town". This isn't the first time! Hell, this isn't even the first time he's done it with my daughter! (She takes a breath, calming down) I'm a respected doctor. We are a respected family. We are not going anywhere! And what's more, I have every reason to believe that finding the person who killed this woman is the only way I can expect to see my daughter again!

Taggert: Then I gotta ask… Why is it you told us she was asleep upstairs? (Monica, Edward and Alan all exchange a look. Finally, Edward explodes)

Ed: I'll tell you why!

Monica: EDWARD!

Ed: Because that's what her son told her to do! That no-good criminal grandson of mine, he's behind this! He's the one you should be talking to! I bet he knows exactly what's going on! And what's more, there is no reason to keep this a secret (he wags a finger at Monica) Except to protect that Spencer boy! He's of age, Emily's a minor! He could be charged with… Well, any number of things! Kidnapping! Statutory…

Monica: EDWARD!

Alan: FATHER!

Garcia: (after a moment) Are those charges you wish to lay, Mr. Quartermaine?

Ed: I'll tell you what!

Monica: Oh, no you don't! This is my daughter and I'll decide what we're going to do here!

Garcia: Mrs. Quartermaine, the law states…

Monica: Detective, PLEASE. Please, this is my daughter… I have only her best interests at heart. I know Lucky Spencer, I've known him for years, and she is safe with him. I can't guarantee anything else… Please, just leave this alone. Find the person who can hurt her and leave Lucky out of this!

Taggert: I'm not so sure we can do that, Mrs. Quartermaine.

Ed: And why's that? Huh? You haven't answered my question… is that boy a suspect?

Taggert: At this point? I gotta ask the questions. (He turns to leave, Garcia taking the cue to follow. Taggert turns back.) And I think next, I'll be asking them to your son. We'll show ourselves out. (He and Garcia exit. Monica shoots Edward a death look)

Monica: Just WHAT do you think you're doing?

Ed: She's my granddaughter! I'm not going to let myself be blinded by sentiment. And I'm not convinced that Spencer has her best interests at heart! What do we really know about any of this?

Monica: She wrote us a note!

Ed: She'd protect him through anything, we all know that! (He shakes his head) No. No, I don't trust this. I don't trust this at all.

The Spencer House.

Laura opens her mouth to answer Luke's question, then stops. She sinks into a chair, her mind retracing his words.

Laura: How could I do this to him... (She shakes her head) I don't have an answer to that. (Luke stares at her)

Luke: (deadly quiet) Don't you? (Laura looks up at him)

Laura: You obviously think I do.

Luke: I don't know which is worse… not having a reason… Or having one.

Laura: That wasn't what you asked me. You didn't ask me WHY, you asked me HOW. And I don't KNOW how I did it! I've asked myself that over and over again. It wasn't purposeful, it wasn't malicious, but it happened… It still happened. (Luke turns away from her and paces the length of the room)

Luke: How? (He turns back to her) What's the story, Laura? How did he find out? (Laura closes her eyes. She's known this was coming)

Laura: It happened in Switzerland. (She opens her eyes and looks back at Luke. He isn't looking at her. She waits for a reaction, but he doesn't give her one until the silence begins to wear on him)

Luke: (gruffly) Go on.

Laura: I… I don't know how to make this make sense to you.

Luke: It doesn't make sense to me. I… I can't even IMAGINE how it could ever make sense to me.

Laura: Then what is the point of this?

Luke: (looking at her sharply) Some kind of honest? The point is knowing EXACTLY what my son went through, trying to figure out what he's been thinking, what's been going through his head! (Laura shakes her head)

Laura: Only Lucky can answer that.

Luke: Yeah, and he's going to, believe me. Until then… Until I can SEE my son, this is all I got. You gotta tell me, Laura. You have to tell me the whole story.

Laura: I KNOW. But you have to LISTEN. Because… No, I can't explain this. I can't tell you to stand in my shoes and know what was going through my head, what I was thinking, because I'm not sure I understand it anymore!

Luke: Try.

Laura: I am. I know… I owe it to Lucky. (She takes a deep breath, trying to figure out how to go about this) It… It really started with my… "death". When we came back, Stefan… (Luke bristles) I went to see NIKOLAS, Luke. I had to let him know I was alive, I had to do that!

Luke: Just tell me what happened.

Laura: I did see Nikolas. And he was very angry, you know that. He went to Stefan, and I knew… I knew that Stefan would have… A reaction. Like he always does. He would… Retaliate. And I couldn't wait for him to come to me, I had to know what he was going to do. And I had… I hoped… I HOPED I could make him see why we had to do it.

Luke: (shaking his head) You have too much faith, Laura.

Laura: (meeting his eyes) I guess that will be decided on soon, won't it? Who I've had too much faith in… And why I keep believing… (She stops, shaking her head) No. There's more than enough time for that. (She looks up at the ceiling and continues with uncharacteristic calm. She's tried tears, she's kept herself up aching for Lucky, feeling sick, wanting to tear at her skin, rip her hair out, just for the chance to turn back this… None of it makes a difference. The only thing that will is the truth). Stefan told me that he would tell you about Nikolas… I didn't know for certain, not then, that Nikolas was Stefan's… I only knew it was possible. (Luke turns away from her, unable to look at her anymore. He goes to the window, staring out at the trees, but not seeing them, the only sensation he picks up is Laura's voice). He blackmailed Luke. And I let him. I… I let him force me to leave. (She presses her lips together) Lucky's already said everything you're probably thinking right now. You're so much alike…(She blinks back tears, stubbornly refusing to let herself surrender to them) When Lucky came to see me, after Nikolas was shot, when he came to Switzerland… I knew something was wrong when I picked him up at the airport. I just held him, that was all, didn't speak, nothing… And he let me, but it was like he wasn't quite there. You'd told me that he'd been moody, I'd talked to him, I knew he was angry at me… But maybe by then I was used to it… (She furrows her brow) A part of me must have just not wanted to see it so badly, that I could make it disappear, I have no other answer for you. (Luke leans his head against the glass, closing his eyes) He was so… I asked him about Emily, that was his big life change back then. But he didn't have much to say, just that… Just that she was important to him, that was all. He was quiet. Not just with me, but with my mother, with Lulu. Like he was… The only time that I really got a feeling for what was wrong was during dinner, he said something… I don't even remember what now… But it was suspicious, it was like a veiled question. I remember thinking he was preparing for something, he was gearing up to ask me something, or accuse me… that's what it felt like. Like he was fighting himself not to say something. (She stops, remembering the haunted way Lucky looked at her that night before going up to bed. Early, he'd gone up before any of them… But of course, he hadn't gone to sleep) I had a telegram from Stefan that day. It made me very nervous, he said that he was coming to see me, that was all. And I couldn't sleep, instead I stayed up in the kitchen with a pot of tea and waited for him. That was why I didn't know. Lucky… He had jet lag. Understandable. And I think he must have had a lot on his mind…

Luke: He was right. (Laura stops, and looks over at Luke. Luke stands up, still looking out the window) I told him… I told him not to question you. But he was right.

Laura: Yeah, he was. (She leans back in the chair) He was right about all of it. He told me. (She closes her eyes again, trying not to see the images that are threatening to come up on her) He was on the stairs, Luke. He was just sitting there, I don't know why. Except that he couldn't sleep. And Stefan… Stefan wanted me to keep Lucky there. He told me Nikolas WAS his son, and if I didn't keep Lucky in Switzerland with me, away from Nikolas, then… (An angry edge creeps into her voice) I told him I wouldn't do it. I told him to leave. And afterwards, I went to go upstairs, and there was Lucky. (She leans forward) I remember a part of me was petrified… And a part was so relieved. (She feels her hands trembling, and grips them into tight fists in an effort to still them). But… He… He just decided what was going to happen. It was… It was creepy. He just solved the problem. And I let him. (She presses her lips together) I let him.

Luke: (cold) What did he say?

Laura: He said that… The worst thing that could ever happen to Nikolas would be for the world to find out that he wasn't the prince… I'm sure you've seen that angle already. He didn't think Stefan would do it. And he was right…

Luke: and keeping this from me? Who's idea what that?

Laura: His. (Luke says nothing a long moment, then turns back to her)

Luke: Tell me exactly what he said.

Laura: Luke…

Luke: I need to know what he said.

Laura: He said… He said just what you're thinking, I know… I can see it in your eyes. He said I'd chosen Nikolas over him. And you. And our family. He said I wasn't protecting anyone but him, and that he wanted me home. He wanted our family back. And… God, for a minute, I was looking at him and he was twelve again and asking me why you had to leave… Asking me why I was making you go. And I was the bad guy, again. And I had no defense. Except that I thought it was my only choice at the time. He wanted his family back… God, Luke…He asked me if I even loved him anymore. And they weren't just words, he wasn't trying to hurt me, I could tell that he was really worried it was true. And I thought… This is all I want. I want to come home. I want to see my son every day, I want to be able to spend time with him, make that look leave his eyes. That was what I wanted, I swear to God.

Luke: So you both decided to keep it a secret.

Laura: (quietly) I never asked him to do it. But I let him. And I know that's just as bad. I'm culpable either way. (She stands up suddenly and crosses to him) I don't need you to tell me how wrong I was. Lucky's all ready done that. I know… GOD, I know this ripped him apart and I just wanted to believe so badly that it was only affecting his relationship with me… That there was some way to…

Luke: (infuriated) To what? To do WHAT, Laura? To make it better? God, don't you see what you did? You put that spawn and his fortune above Lucky, above his… His… (He shakes his head, unable to find the word)

Laura: I know exactly what I did. I know exactly what I did to him, I know now. I didn't see it, not for years…God, Luke! When I first came back, and he was walking on air, so in love with Emily I thought he didn't see anything else. And… At first, I honestly had my son back. He was… He was taking care of his family. I could see that was how he thought of it. He was making sure that everything was safe, that we stayed together… And then… He wasn't home much. He was more and more distant, and again, I kept telling myself "He's a teenager, he's in love, he's much more interesting in spending time with his girlfriend than his family…" But… Deep down, I knew it was a lie. I knew that he… He just stopped being able to look at me. And by the time I realized how far he was from me, I… I couldn't even admit to myself that I'd let it happen. The shame was so crippling, I had to convince myself, GOD, I worked to convince myself that he was just angry with me for having Nikolas. That it was what it had always been. I stopped being able to look him in the eye because I was so terrified of what I'd see there. And I don't have an excuse for that. The only thing I can say is that… I had too much faith. I relied on him too much, I made myself believe things that weren't true, that weren't honest, because the truth just hurt too much. But I can't do that anymore. I can't, because he came and he told me… He told me that I chose Nikolas over him. He told me that I had to know what it was doing to him… And he said that if I didn't it was only because I didn't want to. And he was right. (Luke looks at her)

Luke: You let him hate himself. You let our son hate himself. (Laura stares at him a long moment before suddenly crumbling on the spot. She turns away from Luke, tears spilling down her cheeks. Luke closes his eyes against the sight. Despite all of this, he still feels a powerful urge to go to her, to comfort her. But he can't make himself move. Not when he thinks about Lucky). Tell me how that can't be choosing the Dark Prince over him? When have you let Nikolas hate himself? (Laura turns back to him, her mouth agape)

Laura: (instantly enraged…a rage she wasn't previously even aware of) How can you say that to me? How can you… I left him! I left him as an infant, and I never looked back! I… I… Just walked away form him and they lied to him about why for his entire life. You tell me how a child is supposed to value themselves when they believe their own mother didn't even see… (She shakes her head) Do you see that? Do you see… Nikolas hated me when he came here. He HATED me! And he had every right to, just like Lucky does now. I let him down. And then I let Lucky down, and it's all because I could never figure out how to balance it all! I could never find a way to love everyone, keep everyone happy… I TRIED… GOD, I TRIED and I made some decisions… I put more faith in Lucky's sense of self… Because he was the child I raised and loved with my whole heart his entire life! I thought he would believe in that. But he didn't, and how am I… Where did it start, Luke? Where did I start to be a bad mother? Was it the day Nikolas showed up, or was it all along? (She's nearing hysteria now) Was I so bad that I couldn't make my own son believe I loved him enough to love his brother, too? I must have… I don't know. I go over this in my head every night, Luke, over and over again until I think I'm going to go crazy… And if you think I'm the only one in this family who has the ability to turn off the things she doesn't like… and I'm not denying that for a second… then you ask yourself why you don't see how much it hurts me not to be able to be free to openly love all my children, to have to fight with you over and over again… (She stops dead, not knowing how she ended up here) No. No, you know what I'm saying… That's not what this is about.

Luke: No, it's not.

Laura: I made a mistake. I make a few of them. Leaving Nikolas was a MISTAKE. Not fighting (she cracks again) harder for him… (She straightens up, forcing herself to continue) That was a mistake.

Luke: Laura…

Laura: No! That was a mistake! Anything that causes that much pain, for Nikolas, for you, for Lucky… That was a mistake! And choosing between this family and him, letting myself get backed into that corner, THAT was a mistake. And letting this happen, letting it all happen around me like I had no control, that was a mistake I'll never EVER be able to forgive myself for. These are the things that keep me up at night, Luke!

Luke: (quietly) What about what's been keeping Lucky up? (Gathering steam) What about the fact that I've just found out I haven't had an honest conversation with my son in TWO years? Do you know what I've been doing? I've gone over every moment, every single look, every word, every avoidance, every completely confusing thing he's done in just the last TWO MONTHS and suddenly, it all makes sense. And I don't know how… I don't know how I missed it. I knew he was bleeding inside. I know my son, and I know when he's in pain. And now I know why… (Tears start spilling down Luke's face now) And more than anything in the world… I would do ANYTHING to find him… I don't want an explanation, I don't want the reason why, I just want to hold him and tell him I love him… And I can't do that. Stefan is Nikolas' father… Would you believe I don't care? I want my son. I want OUR son, I want him BACK. (Luke looks at Laura in agony, and she can feel the ache in him go through her like a shot) I can forgive everything else, Laura. I can find a way to rationalize it all, because I know you, baby. I know how your mind works. And I can… God, I can see you doing it, I can see it all… And I'm not saying it's not ripping me apart. But nothing comes close to not being able to tell my son I forgive him. To make the hurt go away, to heal him. (He shakes his head) You're telling me… You're telling why. I thought I'd feel better. All I feel is sick. (Luke turns and walks out of the house, slamming the door after him. Laura sinks to the floor in slow motion, covering her face with her hands, and begins to weep).

The Golden Horseshoe Motel.

Emily lies on the bed asleep, curled up in a ball, a pillow clasped against her chest. She is having an obviously unpleasant experience, a nightmare of some sort, which jolts her into the waking world suddenly and without warning. Emily takes a moment to reassure herself of her surroundings, then buries her head in the pillow, her heart racing. She has to stop sleeping this much. It's too painful. On the other hand, the waking world isn't offering her much comfort either. She is about to lift her head to check for Lucky… though she knows if he was here, he'd be with her… when she hears the door open. She closes her eyes, trying to get a grip on her emotions. She listens as the door slams, and then hears nothing. No movement, no keys dropping… She rolls over and sees Lucky staring hard at the top of the dresser. She clears her throat and chokes out a greeting.

Em: You're back. (Lucky nods. He drops the keys on top of the dresser and moves across the room towards the window while not looking like He's going anywhere in particular. Emily watches him and furrows her brow.) What's wrong?

Lucky: Nothing. (Emily flops back onto the bed. No, no, no. No way is she playing this game again.)

Em: Great. I got a whole lot of nothing going on here, too. (Lucky doesn't seem to hear her. Emily looks up at the ceiling and feels tears prick at her eyes. Damnit, there is no way she's going to start bawling on top of everything else. Her brain is so fuzzy she can't even remember where this tense, built-up feeling CAME from. Just another joyous mood swing. She's got them down to a science in the last few days. Coming out of her contemplation of her complete emotional fragility, Emily becomes aware that Lucky is not moving… again. She struggles to sit up once more.) Lucky? (He shakes his head, still staring out the window. Finally he turns and looks at her. She feels a chill climb up her spine at the haunted look on his face)

Lucky: I called.

Em: Nikolas?

Lucky: Yeah. (Long pause)

Em: How did it go?

Lucky: Fine. He doesn't know anything. He didn't have much to say. (Another long pause while Emily tries to figure out why this has Lucky so shaken)

Em: Uh… Ok. So… What does that mean?

Lucky: Nothing.

Em: Uh huh. (Long, long silence again. Emily feels a panicky sensation start in her stomach. Her mouth goes dry) Then what's wrong?

Lucky: (after a moment) I'm eighteen… I've been doing this all my life. (He looks back out the window) I've never done that before.

Em: Done what?

Lucky: Called. Called some place I left. You don't do it… It's like… It's the number one rule. It's not even spoken. You leave, you don't call. And I… I called Nikolas. My Dad would… (He stops dead. Emily struggles to put the pieces together)

Em: But your family is there, it's not like before…

Lucky: (sharply) I KNOW that. (Emily stares at him. She struggles against the injured feeling washing over her)

Em: Ok. I'm just… (She feels the tears well up. Oh, God, please not now.) I'm just… (Her mouth trembles. No, no, no…) Never mind. (She lies back down, burying herself in the pillow. She chants to herself, even as she begins to cry "don't do it, don't do it, don't do it". It's far too late. She hasn't cried in days, and soon she's spiraling, unable to stop, her body wracked with sobs. She feels Lucky's arms move around her, knowing full well he's going to be blaming himself… again! God, this is the merry-go-round all over again. Regardless, she lets herself be lifted into his arms, wrapping herself around him and burying her head against his shoulder. She prays to herself that he doesn't say…)

Lucky: (tightly) I'm sorry.

Em: (still sobbing) Don't be. Really, I mean it. Don't be. I'm begging you. (Lucky doesn't say anything. After a moment he lies his head against her shoulder and closes her eyes. Her arms arm wound around his neck, her legs around his waist, while she cries against him. He rocks her gently, the motion soothing himself as much as her. After a few minutes Emily starts to regain her self-control. She takes a shaky breath) I didn't mean to do that.

Lucky: It's ok.

Em: I just… (She sighs and sits up on his lap, wiping her face with the back of her hand) I had this stupid dream, and… I don't know. (Lucky shakes his head, dismissing it)

Lucky: It happens. (Emily sighs and leans back against him. She knows he's hurting, but she still finds this incredibly comforting. She closes her eyes and concentrates on the pulse of his heart. After a moment, she straightens up and brushes his hair back from his face.

(Emily sighs and leans back against him. She knows he's hurting, but she still finds this incredibly comforting. She closes her eyes and concentrates on the pulse of his heart. After a moment, she straightens up and brushes his hair back from his face. She repeats the gesture several times, concentrating on the hair, not taking in the rest of him. Lucky closes his eyes. After several moments he speaks again, quietly) Tell me about the dream.

Em: It's not important.

Lucky: I'm getting really sick of important.

Em: (heavily) Do you ever dream about people dying?

Lucky: Not really.

Em: I dream about it all the time. I dream some random person gets cancer, or… Or they just fall over. Like I had a dream Monica came down the stairs in this bathrobe she used to wear at the Wellness Center and just keeled over. And… I had this dream once that AJ was killed in a car accident and they buried him in the back yard and whenever we dug the garden his face kept coming up. It wouldn't… Decompose. It just kept… (She feels Lucky shivers) I'm sorry, it's sick, I know.

Lucky: You dream about stuff like that?

Em: You don't?

Lucky: I try not to remember my dreams.

Em: (softly) This one was about you. (She presses her cheek against his hair, the tears starting to fall again) About you just disappearing. And I knew you were dead, everyone kept telling me you'd died, but I couldn't remember it happening. It was just that… There was a grave and… (She closes her eyes, tears starting to run down her face) and there were flowers, and everything… And I couldn't remember how you died and no one would tell me. So it was just like you were gone. (Lucky stares off into space at this) It's stupid, you're here. I know that. It was just… Anxiety, I guess.

Lucky: Yeah.

Em: I'm freaking you out, aren't I? (Lucky doesn't answer) Lucky?

Lucky: What?

Em: What's going on? (Lucky shakes his head, firmly)

Lucky: I can't talk about it.

Em: Oh.

Lucky: (unsteadily) Could you just… Hold me? (Emily looks down at him. His eyes are closed, and she can see tears brimming underneath them. Her heart aches for him. This kind of pain, this guilt and hurt he feels if he starts to think about Luke, it's not rational, it can't be reasoned with. She's already holding him, and she just doesn't know how to make it enough. She buries herself against him again, holding on tightly. Lucky's grip tightens as well, and Emily gasps with pain before she can stop herself. Lucky suddenly pulls away from her) I'm sorry, I forgot… I'm…

Em: It's ok.

Lucky: No, I didn't mean to hurt you, I know… Your ribs, I know that…

Em: Lucky, I keep forgetting about the ribs! Don't worry! (Lucky shakes his head, stricken. Emily cups his face in her hands and forces him to looks at her) I'm still in one piece. It's ok. (She stares down into his eyes, the look of complete vulnerability there, and feels momentarily blessed to have this moment… That he trusts her this much to do this with her. She lowers her face to his and kisses his lips gently. Lucky's hand slides up her back, up to her neck and pulls her into a deeper kiss. She presses closer to him, without making the decision to do so, and Lucky suddenly pulls back.)

Lucky: Don't. (His voice is gentle, but slightly panicked at the same time. Emily bites her lip, a little confused, but nods all the same)

Em: What do you want, Lucky? (Lucky shakes his head. He wants to forget about it. He wants to stop seeing his father every time he closes his eyes. He wants to loose himself in her, the way he's done so many times before. He wants to make love to her, to forget everything else, to just be with her, feel how much she loves him. But that can't happen. He puts his hands on her hips and eases her off of his lap)

Lucky: I don't know. I should probably get some sleep or something.

Em: If that's what you want. (Lucky nods, unfocused)

Lucky: It's what I can get.