Chapter One Hundred Thirty-Three:
Missing You

A room in the Marquis Hotel, Manhattan.

Emily stares at herself in the mirror as she dries her hair, wishing she looked less familiar to herself. It's hard to judge how likely it is that she'll be recognized by anyone who saw the report. Maybe not if they'd seen it and dismissed it as a spoiled brat take on Romeo and Juliet. But if someone was actually LOOKING… It makes her nervous and she doesn't like it. So DO something about it, she tells herself sternly.

Doing something, for the first time in what feels like ages, is actually a possibility. Having a shower had made such an enormous difference to her whole state of being, Emily wondered if there was Prozac in the water, or if she really can blame her previous state of mind on complete inertia.

Or… Well. She didn't want to go there. Though she knew seeing Nikolas, and whatever state of mind he was in, was going to force her to “face” certain issues. But in the meantime, she didn't want to think about it. No, it was a lot easier to focus on Lucky and the hotel, and what they were going to do next.

She was still a little ticked off at Lucky. The deal had been she'd drive first… almost entirely because she was sure he'd do JUST what he did… which was let her sleep straight through to Manhattan. Which means he'd driven from two A.M. on. And it had definitely been draining for him. Well… Something had been. He was only barely holding it together when she went into the shower, and she assumes that he'll finally begin sleeping by now. He'd scarcely talked to her since she'd waken up just as they were approaching the city limits. Which meant she'd had almost an hour within city traffic to harass him. She was getting tired of harassing him, though. It was something she'd always hated about other couples she observed. Women who spent all their time trying to get their boyfriends to talk to them, open up, do something they wanted. She'd always sworn she wasn't going down that road, but suddenly she felt like she was directing traffic on it.

Well, she thinks to herself, at least she was back in action again. Somewhere between Stevensville and New York, she'd hit some sort of breaking point. Maybe it was just more inertia. Everything feels clearer now, more manageable. For the first time since the accident, she feels competent. An object at rest remains at rest, but an object in motion…

She runs her fingers through her still-damp hair, and pulls open the bathroom door. She squints again against the overwhelming power of the sun coming in through the window. It's surprisingly bright. This place is the antithesis of the Horseshoe. It's not actually that much larger, but it is brighter, a corner room with windows on two sides of the room, and the wallpaper, artwork, and carpeting are all on the beige and pastel scales. Overall, it doesn't depress Emily on sight and that's a step up.

She looks over at the far window where Lucky is standing. He was standing there when she went IN to the shower and her first reaction is that he must have just passed out standing up.

Em: Lucky! (Lucky, leaning his head against the window, takes a moment to register that he is being spoken to. He turns away from the window, blearily) I thought you'd be getting some sleep. (Lucky closes his eyes. He knew this was coming).

Lucky: There's no point. (Emily stares at him. Oh, this is just GREAT. She considers her options and then decides to handle this like she would have with Brook Lynn when she was staying at the mansion before Ned left. She starts across the room, speaking with measured patience, her voice soft, soothing)

Em: You don't have to be anywhere until three. You can take a nap. (Lucky continues to stare out the window, trying really hard to remember what he has to do. He knows that something struck him, something in the middle of the drive, that had to do with Nikolas, and where they were going and now he just can't remember what it is. AND he's not sure when he suddenly got so tired. He was fine. FINE, right until the door to the room shut, and then, suddenly… Well, he wasn't so fine anymore. He looks over at Emily who is studying him carefully).

Lucky: There's other… Stuff.

Em: What? To take care of? I'll do it. (Lucky shakes his head. Emily observes his obviously disoriented state and finds herself smiling.) I still can't believe we made it. You're a miracle worker. (She takes a step closer to him) But you should have waken me up.

Lucky: You needed your sleep.

Em: And you didn't?

Lucky: You're… (He stops, the sentence suddenly abandoning him) Emily.

Em: Don't argue with me. And I say that because I have a sneaking suspicion you can't string two words together. (Lucky looks at her, the small smile playing on her lips, the soft lull of her voice. This isn't fair. She's right though… he KNOWS she's right. And if he could remember whatever it is that's alluding him, he'd be so much more willing to let her put him to bed… because he does feel like it's at this point. He's been running on pure adrenaline for hours… Maybe even days… and this is, without a doubt, the end of the road. And what wonderful timing. Emily reaches up and lightly brushes his hair out of his eyes. Lucky's whole body seems to sigh, and he lets himself lean against her, closing his eyes again while the room sways a bit. Emily, sensing this is going to be much easier than originally estimated, wraps her arms around his waist.) You need some sleep in a serious way. (Lucky nods, and puts his head down on her shoulder, miserably. He doesn't like the start this day is getting off to… though that's probably because yesterday doesn't feel over yet. He lets out a groan and grinds his head against Em's shoulder. Emily feels a wave of fondness for him hit her and she hugs him tighter than before, suddenly and instantly forgiving him for choosing to make the bulk of the drive himself. He tries so damn hard. And most of it is for her benefit. She can feel the coolness of his skin against hers, the clammy quality… along with the slight tremor going through his body.) You're trembling.

Lucky: (mumbling) No, I'm not.

Em: Yeah, you are.

Lucky: Shaking. Not trembling.

Em: (still patient) Lucky, you gotta get some sleep. (Lucky pulls back from her)

Lucky: (repeating) Uh… I have to… (He stops) There's some stuff. (Emily stares at him a moment)

Em: (slowly) We just have to get ready to go meet Nikolas, right? That's it.

Lucky: Uh, yeah.

Em: Ok. I think I can handle that.

Lucky: (distantly) No…

Em: I'm a smart girl, Lucky. Whatever it is that's bugging you… it'll either look better when you wake up or I'll figure out what it is and solve the problem, ok? (Lucky considers this)

Lucky: I'm not trying to be difficult.

Em: (Starting to lead him to the bed) I know.

Lucky: I just need… (Emily nods, keeping eye contact)

Em: I get it. You need something. You just don't know what, right?

Lucky: Yeah.

Em: Lucky. (She reaches the edge of the bed) You need SLEEP. (Lucky looks past her to the bed, then back to her)

Lucky: (heavily) Yeah.

Em: Then come on. (She gestures for him to lie down. Lucky suddenly wraps his arms around her and pulls her down onto the bed with him. Emily, beyond shocked, lets out a shriek as she falls with him. She lands on top of him, and grins at him) Huh. You should avoid sleep more often. (Lucky doesn't seem to be digesting conversation anymore. He just stares at her. She leans down and kisses him softly, aware that he could very well just pass out, mid-kiss, and the way things have been going lately, the blow might prove fatal to her ego. For this reason, she struggles to keep things light. She pulls back and looks down at him. Lucky is still staring at her. He sighs heavily. She reaches up and brushes his hair away from his face, then continues to repeat the action. Lucky, finding this very comforting, closes his eyes)

Lucky: (thickly) We have until three.

Em: (gently) I know. Russian Tea Room, three o'clock. It's under control. Just relax, ok? (Lucky groans, then rolls over with her onto his side. He slides down the bed and curls up next to her, his head against her stomach, like a pillow. Emily smiles again, and threads her fingers through his hair. Lucky tightens his grip on her and Emily laughs softly) Comfortable?

Lucky: Mmmm… (She looks down at him, momentarily confused. This is like a snapshot from time. A long time ago. Boathouse days. Back when they were first together. When he never seemed to be able to be close enough to her. When she was always the one pulling away, constantly feeling her stomach nearly turn inside out when he kissed, or touched her… It had all felt so overwhelming. She didn't know when it had become something she wanted to feel. Probably right around the time he'd stopped… Ok, Emily! She reprimands herself. How stupid is it to start wading around in this stuff right now? This is not a letter you send Ann Landers. “My aunt was just murdered by my boyfriend's father's mortal enemy… and I was hit by a car… but what's really bugging me is that my sex life has started to totally suck. Any pointers for how to get that spark back? Signed: Pathetic in Port Charles” Too dumb for words. Her thoughts are interrupted when Lucky suddenly speaks again) Talk to me.

Em: What?

Lucky: Talk.

Em: Why?

Lucky: I want to hear your voice. (Emily is so surprised by this, she laughs again)

Em: My voice. Ok. What should I say?

Lucky: Anything.

Em: Like what, state capitals?

Lucky: Don't care.

Em: You're supposed to be sleeping.

Lucky: It'll help me sleep.

Em: (wryly) Nice to know my conversation is so interesting to you. (Lucky doesn't answer) Or are you just regressing and want a bedtime story?

Lucky: Em…

Em: Ok, ok. Uh… Not to be put on the spot or anything, huh? (She tries to find a topic, quickly) Well… Uh, I think this is going pretty well so far, don't you? I mean, the desk clerk barely even looked at us… did you notice that? It's like we were transparent or something. You were right… no one here cares. I guess it takes a lot to make a New Yorker blink, huh? Or maybe it's just a cliche. But I feel safer here. (She looks down at him and starts to run her fingers through his hair again, lowering her voice) I feel safe with you. I really do. No matter what, I know you'll do everything you can to protect me. That's why I worry about you so much. 'Cause you never take that much time to make sure YOU'LL be ok. And I need you to be ok. (She suddenly tears up) I miss you so much, Lucky. I miss your smile. And I miss just having fun with you. I miss walking our dogs together… remember our dogs? God. When did things get this crazy? (She lies back against the pillows, staring up at the ceiling) And I miss just having time alone with you. Like real time, where there weren't all these ghosts in out way, or some stupid feud pushing and pulling us in every direction. I mean… I don't even know what way is up anymore. I don't know where we'll be in a year. I don't know if you'll still be here… And that scares me more than anything. Because you deserve so much more than this. You deserve to be happy, and… God, I want the chance to make you happy. I want to have the time to do that. (She sighs heavily) Please tell me it's not always going to be like this, ok? Just tell me that we're going to be all right. (She stops, and waits for him to respond. After a moment she realizes that he's now dead to the world. She smiles and kisses her fingertips, then lays them against his temple.) We're going to be all right. We have to be.

The Park, playground.

Nikolas sits next to Lulu on a bench a few feet away from the playground where other children are running around, playing tag, and swinging, climbing… generally being child like. He looks down at his sister, who is leaning against him, her hands wrapped firmly around his.

Nik: Do you want to play on the swings? (Lulu shakes her head) Slide, then.

Lulu: No. (Nikolas sighs heavily)

Nik: Lesley Lu, you've been talking bout the park all winter and now…

Lulu: Do you know where Lucky is? (This isn't a surprise. Lulu's been moody and quiet since he picked her up, and while he tried to pretend that everything was fine, she's just not going to let him get away with it.)

Nik: (heavily) You don't beat around the bush, do you?

Lulu: I want him to come home.

Nik: He can't yet. But he will… the minute he can.

Lulu: But WHEN?

Nik: I don't know. (Lulu frowns)

Lulu: I don't like this.

Nik: I know. I… When I was a younger… Well. I know how it feels. For people to suddenly leave. But in my case they didn't say good-bye. And they didn't come back. Lucky is coming back.

Lulu: Promise?

Nik: If I have to track him down myself and drag him here bodily… Yes. (Nikolas stops, realizing that didn't sound comforting) He loves you Lulu. He'll be back.

Lulu: Why are you calling me that? (It takes Nikolas a moment to figure out what she's talking about).

Nik: Oh… “Lulu”. I don't know.

Lulu: You never used to.

Nik: Well… When it was just you and me, I could call you whatever I wanted. But lately… I guess I've heard you called that too many times. It's infecting my brain.

Lulu: Infecting your brain? (She frowns) Jack had an infection. They said it was bugs.

Nik: (gravely) It happens. And it's not pretty. (Lulu looks at him, worried, then her expression turns suspicious and Nikolas cracks a smile. She rolls her eyes).

Lulu: You're silly.

Nik: Lesley Lu, you're about the only person who thinks so.

Lulu: (Pushing him) You ARE!

Nik: Well. If it makes you smile… (He pulls her up onto his lap) Remember how I always tell you I'll never leave you, right? (Lulu leans against his chest)

Lulu: Yeah.

Nik: You know that's the truth. From the bottom of my heart. I have never meant anything more. I will never ever leave you. You'll never be able to get rid of me.

Lulu: I don't want to get rid of you!

Nik: Good. Because you can't. Not you, or anyone else. I don't care what happens. (He sighs and takes a deep breath) Lucky's never going to leave you either. He might have to go away, but he'll come back.

Lulu: I know.

Nik: Lulu… I have to go away too.

Lulu: No.

Nik: Lesley Lu…

Lulu: Where?

Nik: (very quietly) Just for a little while.

Lulu: But why?

Nik: Because… Some times you have to make a decision… And do something you wish you didn't have to. But if I go away just for a little while, then I can fix things so that I don't have to leave, ever. Not if I don't want to. (Lulu looks completely confused)

Lulu: Is someone trying to hurt you too?

Nik: No.

Lulu: Then why…?

Nik: I don't want to see anyone else get hurt. (She takes in a deep breath) Someone I cared about. Someone I loved, Lulu… They were hurt very badly. And I don't want it to happen again. (Lulu furrows her brow, then turns and buries her face against Nikolas. He pulls her closer to him. She's not crying, she doesn't appear to be doing anything but trying to burrow closer to him. He feels incredibly guilty, sure he's making less than no sense to her. But that's the idea. He doesn't want this to make sense to her. He just wants it to end. After a few minutes, Lulu pulls away and looks up at him).

Lulu: Are you going to see Lucky? (Nikolas looks down at her, surprised. He opens his mouth to give the answer he knows he should, but somehow, his mouth forms another word.)

Nik: Yes.

Lulu: (eyes widening) You ARE? (Nikolas feels immediately tense. He should have lied. He MEANT to lie. Except… Well, how was he supposed to look at her, at the worry on her face, and not let her know?)

Nik: (carefully) Lesley Lu… Listen to me, all right? That has to be a secret. From everyone, do you understand? I'm only telling you because… I want you to know he's safe. And he's going to stay safe… I'll make sure of it.

Lulu: Promise?

Nik: Promise. I absolutely swear I'm not going to let anything hurt Lucky. And when I come back, he'll come back too. Then everything will be… (He stops. What? Better? Fixed? Perfect?… something.) Everything will be different.

Lulu: I wish you didn't have to leave.

Nik: So do I.

Lulu: When will you come back?

Nik: As soon as I can.

Lulu: Ok. I won't tell anyone.

Nik: Ok.

Lulu: Not even Foster. (Nikolas frowns. If he could lie to her, it would be so much easier. This makes him nervous. He nods slowly)

Nik: Lu… (He stops, wracking his brain) Ok. Lulu. (He reaches into this pocket and pulls out his cell phone) For the next few days… I'll be able to call you on this. Maybe you'll even hear from Lucky.

Lulu: Lucky?

Nik: Right. He might be surprised that you're answering. But he'll love to talk to you. I know he would.

Lulu: Me too.

Nik: Then just hold onto this. Don't let anyone see it… it's small enough to fit in your pocket. Now, after a few days the battery won't work anymore… but don't worry. That's the way the phone works.

Lulu: Like my toys. The lights on the fire truck never work 'cause of batteries.

Nik: Right.

Lulu: How long will it last?

Nik: Just a few days. And if there's anyway for me to talk to you after that, I will. So if you need to talk about something… anything… I'll try to be there.

Lulu: Ok. (She smiles at him) I won't tell anyone. I can keep secrets. I have lots of them.

Nik: I can imagine. (He tussles her hair lightly) But you only have to keep this one until I get home. After that, it doesn't matter.

Lulu: Ok.

Nik: When it stops working, you can just hide it wherever you want. (Lulu nods, examining the phone, turning it over in her hand. Nikolas watches her, knowing that Lucky would absolutely hate this. No words for how much he'd hate it. However. What other choice does he have? He's not leaving his sister without any form of communication. He can't do it. And at first, this will be the most simple way to talk to her. Plus… In a way, it's going to be a relief not to have it anymore. He's been waiting for it to ring since the night before, since he heard about what Edward Quartermaine had done. But it had been stubbornly silent. There was no way to know what Lucky was doing, and since he was only hours away from their predetermined meeting, he now felt like he'd rather just know by having him show or not show. Avoidance, probably. He just didn't want to know if something had gone wrong, or if Lucky had decided it was all too complicated. He turns back to Lulu.)

Nik: (taking the phone back) I can call you for a few days, but then… It's going to get harder.

Lulu: (nodding) That's ok. (Nikolas feels, quite intensely, that it's not. Nikolas gives her the phone back)

Nik: I can show you how to use it.

Lulu: I've seen Lucky's, I know you open it. (Nikolas nods and she flips the phone open and looks down at the buttons. Nikolas points to the red one just under the display.)

Nik: When it rings, just hit that one. That's all. After that, you'll be able to hear us. I'll tell you it's me, so if it's not, just hang up… you do that by hitting the button too. (Lulu nods)

Lulu: I only want to talk to you. Or Lucky. (Her eyes suddenly light up) I'll give you something to give him, ok?

Nik: Uh… Sure. Ok.

Lulu: Can we go get it now? (Nikolas looks down at his watch. He nods)

Nik: We should get back to the house soon.

Lulu: When are you leaving?

Nik: (heavily) Today. I'm sorry.

Lulu: (shrugging) It's ok. As long as you come back.

Nik: I will. Here. (He lifts her up and onto the ground). I have to run a quick errand first, and then we'll go back to the home, all right? (Lulu nods, looking remarkably well adjusted to her situation. She takes his hand)

Lulu: Ok. Where are we going?

Nik: I just have something to do at General Hospital.