Chapter One Hundred Ninety-Four:
Reliving the Past

A hill, Far reaches of Katija's farm.

The stars are coming out. Just pinpoints of light at this point, the sky still a deep navy, not yet in full night black. The sun is gone though, and Laura knows if she stays here much longer, the cottage won't necessarily be easy to find.

She'd just had to get away. Not just from Stefan, but from her WITH Stefan. She'd begun to feel contaminated. The amount of bile she'd felt in her... Standing there, condemning and taunting Stefan in malice... Her son's father. How had things become so strained between them? Or rather -- how had she let things stay this way? No wonder she couldn't have a relationship with her son. She could barely stand to be in the same room as the man who had raised him. Whenever Stefan was around, Laura felt like every cell in her body was heightened -- the hairs on her arms stood on end, her hearing picked up, her eyes felt sharper. Every part of her was so defensive, so ready to ward off any attack. And then there was the well of history between them. The things she was certain he remembered, the ways he must think of her. He would still get a possessive, dark look in his eyes when they were having a particularly heated discussion and she would know exactly what he was thinking, just what he must be remembering. It would send a bolt of lighting right through her and she's always back away from him, hissing "I hate you!" or some similar proclamation. She didn't want to face what was behind those eyes. She didn't want to think about him still wanting her, or being able to summon the image of her in his possession whenever he had the inclination. It made her queasy. It was almost as bad as the fact that sometimes... She felt the same way.

Laura hears the sound of grass crunching behind her and her stomach seizes into a tight knot. She closes her eyes and forces herself to breath through it. No. She's not going to run away. She's going to face this if it kills her.

Laura: Stefan. (Stefan stops on the crest of the hill, having just caught sight of her sitting, legs crossed under her long skirt, hands bracing her upper body as she looks up at the sky.)

Stefan: Laura. (Laura gives a small smile)

Laura: I should have known you'd find me.

Stefan: You always move for the highest peaks. (Laura sighs)

Laura: I don't know why that is. I used to have dreams when I was a little girl of just throwing myself off the edge of a cliff or a really big hill and catching the wind and flying away... (she smiles at the memory) Maybe that is what I'm looking to do. It was what I was looking to do on the island.

Stefan: Like Icarus.

Laura: Hmmm. Only I crashed a long time ago. (she leans forward, bringing her arms to rest on her knees, and staring into the dark of the fields) I'm still finding the wreckage.

Stefan: (approaching) I can't say I care for this new affection for self-depreciation.

Laura: Really? You're the only one. (she sighs) All right, Stefan. Lets have it.

Stefan: Have it.

Laura: You've come up here to upbraid me for my behavior. Probably to tell me that I'm being childish and to demand that I give up Nikolas's whereabouts right this second... Am I missing anything?

Stefan: I have no said a word, Lasha. You're drawing conclusions.

Laura: Lasha again... It's not going to be easy to break you of that habit. (she glances back at him) Is it just habit now?

Stefan: (Stiffening) What do you mean?

Laura: That first night. The first time we met in Port Charles, you called me that to intimidate me, didn't you?

Stefan: It was what I always called you.

Laura: Yes. (she laughs slightly, turning away) Believe it or not, you made it a tolerable name. I liked how you said it. You made it soft. But that night on the dock, you said it hard. Like nails. You said it like Stavros would have.

Stefan: I never --

Laura: Yes you did. You were so ... You were *almost* like him, just that first little bit. I couldn't believe it. A part of me wanted to scream "What HAPPENED to you?" (she wraps her arms around her knees) And then I just... presumed I had the answer. Time hardened you. It's supposed to do that isn't it? Time and experience, you lose... something. I guess hearts can only stay vulnerable past a certain amount of abuse and then they turn to stone.

Stefan: Is that what you really think of me? That I'm stone.

Laura: It's easier to think of you that way. (she puts her head down on her knee) I don't know. I don't know, Stefan. The things that have happened to us... The things you've said, what you've done... How am I supposed to think of you? (Stefan looks down at her, his expression slightly disturbed)

Stefan: I know you've hated me.

Laura: I have. (she looks up at him) Have you hated me?

Stefan: (after a long silence, shakily) I've tried. (Laura feels tears spring to her eyes)

Laura: Why doesn't it ever take? My God, Stefan... Look at what we've done to each other? Look at our LIVES? Why can't I just HATE you? It would make everything so much easier. (Stefan stares at her, struggling to understand the meaning of what she's saying to him. A part of him, deep inside, is crumbling, walls carefully constructed, threatening to tumble on the strength of that tiny admission. He turns away, staring hard at the horizon.)

Stefan: I have never intended for you to hate me.

Laura: No. (she closes her eyes, dozens of moments in the past four years flooding back to her) Not completely. (She exhales) I can't do this anymore... (She stands up, brushing off her skirt) Any of this. We have to talk, Stefan. For real, this time. We have to talk about what happened on the island.

Emily stands on the small rounded balcony off the French doors. She is wearing a long, thin night dress, one of the shawls from the wardrobe clutched around her. There's a lot of wind, warm and invasive, whipping around her. It's making her feel ghostlike. A pale figure in white, surrounded by murky dark. Something out of an Eighteenth Century Novel. A Specter on the moors, or the old crazy woman locked up in the attic. If there had ever been a good time to lose one's mind...

I am at the end of my rope, Emily thinks miserably, leaning on the wrought iron barrier on the balcony. She'd realized this nearly an hour earlier when she had come in, collapsed on the bed, intent on crying herself to sleep and ...

Nothing.

She had sat up in confusion, certain that, with the size of the weight resting on her heart right now, she should at LEAST be able to cry. She took a couple of deep breaths, and still... Nothing. She didn't feel like she was going to cry. She felt like she was going to be sick. And her hands were shaking a little.

Emily had stood up, determined to discard this mood. She'd marched into the bathroom and washed her face, splashing cold water on her face. When that failed to do the trick, she had switched to warm. Still the knot in her stomach tightened, the dead weight in her chest grew heavier. She had kneeled on the floor of the room, her forehead pressed against the cold porcelain of the sink and managed to choke out a sob without tears. It hurt. Her throat felt raw, her head dizzy with effort.

Something had to happen. Something something something had to give, shift, change, release, just get her OUT of this! Everything else she could take. She could take getting hit by cars, swooning in public places, abandoning her parents, her friends, every single person she cared about... She could walk on eggshells for days on end, she could fight and make up, act as intermediary, make up the steps as she went along... God, she was, somehow, even managing to do this while knowing that disaster was lurking around the next corner. That the person who had exterminated the only living relative she had left was lurking in the shadows waiting to strike... All of that she could handle. But THIS was too much. She wasn't going to face it, she refused to look it in the eye -- she had not done all of this, she had not gone through hell for the last three years to just lose Lucky because they had run out of ways to apologize to each other.

In complete exhaustion, her head pounding, Emily had gotten up, stumbled back into the bedroom, and changed for bed. She had crawled between the covers feeling weak and cowardly and convinced that she'd be unconscious in minutes.

After half an hour she had angrily toss the blankets onto the floor and paced the room, pulling at her hair and whining in frustration.

NOTHING was cooperating! Not even sleep. It was almost funny, she'd thought, coming out onto the balcony. It nearly made her smile.

So. Now she stood here and waiting for something she didn't know the face of. Just whatever was going to come and change this... Because staying here was impossible. She was about to crack, stability was far beyond her grasp.

Lucky: Emily. (Emily nearly jumps out of her skin, spinning on the small balcony to see Lucky standing in the doorway. He is leaning against one side of the door jamb, his hand gripping the other, his face startlingly close to hers. In the dark she can only see the shadows obscuring his eyes, giving the impression that he's been hollowed out, empty.)

Emily: Ohmigod. (She puts her hand over her heart, trying hard to get her sanity back. She wants to move right up to him and force him to look directly at her so that she can reassure herself that his sockets aren't empty and she's not in the middle of some terrible nightmare, but she stays at the edge of the balcony, giving a short nervous laugh that seems expected in this scenario) I... I didn't hear you. At all. (Lucky doesn't say anything. After a moment he cocks his head slightly and Emily feels her knees buckle slightly as she sees a gleam of light reflected off his iris. She grips her hands around the iron fencing that is holding her weight, then feels herself go cold at the realization that he is, without a doubt, staring at her) What... Did something happen?

Lucky: (after a moment) I'm having an out of body experience. (Emily stares at him a moment, then gives a short laugh)

Em: Oh. Ok. Do you know when you'll be back? (He shakes his head and steps away from the doorway, moving towards her. Emily leans further back against the barrier, which digs into her back. She has a sudden flash, remembering leaning against a balcony barrier just like this in Italy... Only Lucky was pressed against her and kissing her until she felt everything under her start to spin. She closes her eyes a moment, then exhales, opening them again. Lucky has stopped just a foot away from her, still looking at her like she's some sort of mythological figure he didn't expect to come across. Like he's gone out to pick up the morning paper and found a leprechaun.) Is something.... (Emily looks at him oddly. Given their earlier... encounters, none of this is close to what she was expecting him to be like.) Ok. What happened? Something DID happen, right? (Lucky lowers his eyes, considering this. He looks up again)

Lucky: I think so.

Em: But you're not sure? (Lucky looks lost a moment)

Lucky: No. (Emily stands up, catching a strange hint of something in Lucky's voice. Something really familiar)

Em: Lucky, are you Ok?

Lucky: (carefully) You know, I was... And then I stood up. I think blood moves faster when you walk. It makes a difference. (Emily nods, though she's not quite following)

Em: How... much did you have to drink?

Lucky: About... (he exhales) Enough.

Em: Just about. Lucky... You don't drink. (Lucky looks away again)

Lucky: I don't not drink. (Emily can't even describe the feeling that's swirling around in her right now. She feels like she's struggling against an urge to laugh that could easily spin around into an urge to sit down on the stone she's currently standing on in her bare feet and just start to sob.)

Em: Do... you... Do you feel better? Did it help? (Lucky doesn't look back at her. She feels a sharp pang in her chest. She can relate to this just a little too much. She smiles a little) You've needed a break for a long time. (Lucky just shakes his head)

Lucky: (cautious, a bit halting) I know... I've asked you this before, but... I have to hear it again. (He swallows, his brow furrowed as if he has to summon some sort of deep energy to ask this question. On pure instinct, Emily reaches out and brushes her fingers over the back of his hand. He looks up at her, startled, his eyes locking onto hers. His hand reaches out and grabs hers, holding it tightly. Emily's eyes widen, her heart in her throat.) Emily.

Em: What? (The word is formed, but no actual sound comes out. Lucky moves closer to her. It takes effort for him to push out the question)

Lucky: Do you trust me? (Emily can't hear from a moment, floored by the question. Her throat tightens up and she realizes that she still has the capacity to cry because her eyes are suddenly brimming.)

Em: (squeaking a bit) Will you believe me? (Lucky nods, moving closer, moving his other hand up to cup her cheek. Emily tips her head up and can finally see Lucky's eyes clearly, blue and liquid... There are tears shinning in them, it looks like you could skate on them. So intensely vulnerable. She bites her lip and squeezes his hand then forces herself to blink back her own tears and answer in as steady a voice as she can muster.)

Em: Yes. Yes, I trust you. (Lucky is still staring into her eyes and he makes a quick study of her face, taking this in. His eyes settle on hers again and he breathes in)

Lucky: You do.

Em: (nodding) Do you want me to say it again?

Lucky: You've said it enough.

Em: Do you believe me? (Lucky nods slightly, and brushes her cheek with his thumb. He looks away suddenly, pulling in a breath in a sudden gasp, then looks back at her, his hand reaching out and grabbing her shoulder, pulling her towards him. Emily stumbles into his arms and, after the initial confusion, wraps her arms around his waist. Lucky holds her close, his hands pressing her against him, then moving and pulling her closer. He buries his face against her hair, breathing in the scent. He closes his eyes, and just lets go. He's too tired, too messed up, to bother trying to hold on to anything except her. Emily feels his grip on her tighten and his head comes to rest on her shoulder. She stands up on her toes, sliding her arms under his and pulling him up against her, tightly. Lucky exhales and Emily feels a tremor run through him. He lays a soft kiss on her shoulder. Emily closes her eyes and moves her hand into his hair, gently stroking it. Ok, so she doesn't understand what is going on here, but she can't even start to care. Her heart is finally starting to beat again. She can finally feel her insides start to relax, to let her go. She turns her head towards Lucky and kisses him behind his ear, the only place she can really manage. She feels him shake again and moves her mouth back to whisper to him)

Em: I love you. (Lucky's whole body shudders against her at her words. Emily tries to pull back, but his grip on her is too strong. She falls down onto her heels again, her arms still around him.) Lucky? (Lucky grinds his head against her shoulder) Lucky, are you cold? (Another shiver. She feels her heart leap, then leans her face against the side of his head and lets out a soft moan.) Lucky... Are we gonna be Ok now? (She feels him shake again.) Oh, Lucky. (She holds him tighter) Please -- (Lucky straightens up suddenly and lowers his head to hers, bringing his lips down in a deep kiss. Emily drops her hands, in shock at the possessiveness, the raw emotion in his kiss. His hands come up to her face, and he kisses her desperately. Emily's eyes close and her hands go up into his hair, feeling her knees weaken. The shawl slides off her shoulders and falls in a heap on the ground. Lucky feels her go weak against him, and that seems to twig something in his brain. He brings one arm down to wrap around her waist, holding her against him. He pulls back, looking down at her with a slightly otherworldly expression on his face. Emily stares at him, her eyes wide.)

Lucky: You didn't pull away. (Emily shakes his head slightly)

Em: Just tell me what you want. Just tell me what I can do --

Lucky: I do love you.

Em: I know.

Lucky: I don't want to lose you. (Emily shakes her head firmly)

Em: You're not. (Lucky closes his eyes a moment, trying to absorb that. He opens them, his gaze now fixed over her shoulder, on the edge of the barrier of the balcony.)

Lucky: I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know anything right now. (He looks back at her, his eyes filled with unspoken apology) I don't know what's going to happen. All I know about the future is that... I need you in it. You're the only thing... (He slides his hand under her hair, his eyes still not quite meeting hers) You're my... You're the only thing in the light. (Emily swallows hard, then wraps her arms around his neck, hugging him tightly)

Em: (feverishly) You know you have me. You know that. (She kisses his temple) Tell me you know that. (She kiss his neck, just under his ear, then his cheek. Lucky, eyes closed, moves his head and she kisses his other cheek, his jaw, soft kisses, moving towards his lips) You have to know that. (Lucky lets out a breath)

Lucky: I know... I know I have you. I know. (Emily gives him a prolonged kiss on the lips, feeling a release at his words. Her lips linger over his. She can taste the alcohol on him, she can feel it's effect in the way he returns the kiss. It's achingly sweet and slow, but she feels like he's drinking her in, engulfing her. She pulls back and looks up at him, breathless)

Em: Good. (Lucky stares up at her a long moment, then brings his hand up, in slow motion, and traces her lips with his finger tip.)

Lucky: Don't... (Lucky lets the sentence fade out, but the meaning behind it seems to stand. Emily's heart careens without warning against her rib cage and stays there. She can feel it banging against her breast bone, like it's fighting to get out. She's suddenly and inexplicably terrified. All the same, she reaches out and takes his hand in hers. She turns away from him, and moves into the room, leading him with her. She turns once inside and looks at him, her expression cautious. A voice in the back of her head tells her to say something, do something. But she just walks backwards, her eyes locked on his, until they approach the bed. At this point, she stops, her heart now beating so hard that she can't hear anything else.

Lucky is just looking at her. His gaze is soft, his expression unreadable. Emily can't put her finger on why, but it's undoing her completely. He hasn't looked at her like that is so long, she realizes. She could never figure out what he was thinking when he gave her that look in the past, and she feels like she has just as much clue now -- maybe less. They stand, in deep study of each other, for nearly a full minute, neither one making the slightest move towards each other.

Emily releases a sudden breath, feeling herself seized in the grip of a chill. She shudders and drops his hand, taking a step towards him. As she does, she realizes part of what is so haunting about this situation. It's just a little too familiar... Her in the long light gown, him in the dress clothes... In a room lit only by an old fashioned oil lamps. It's like stepping back in time, to that night when everything went wrong. She's not certain if he's noticed this or not... Her guess would be no, since he tended to bolt on the slightest reminder of just how horrible that night had been. She feels herself flush at the memory... Of how much he'd hurt her, of how her guts had twisted at the realization of what he was telling her. And then there were the things she'd said, how she had purposely tried to maim him with her words. God, she regretted a lot of things in her life already, but nothing stung like that. Knowing she was capable of doing that to him, no matter how justified.

Emily shakes her head, shooing the thoughts away. That was then... Almost a year ago. And they're here in almost identical -- though much more lavish -- surroundings. It's almost like she can let herself slip through a worm hole in time and go back to how she wishes that night had been. She looks up at Lucky, her eyes filled with apprehension and hope. He meets her gaze, without any hint of shame.

Emily reaches out and finds the top button of his shirt with shaking fingers. Oh God, she thinks. Don't stop. Please don't stop me. She can't seem to quell the trembling and she is terrified that he's going to think this means something more than it does. She just feels so overwhelmed. Her fingers fumble with the button, but she finally releases it and looks back at him. He's just watching her, his head bowed. She smiles at him, giving a short, heightened laugh. She steps closer, her eyes returning to the task at hand, and she manages, with a wave of calm, to undo the rest of the buttons, then pulls the folds of the shirt back. She looks up again, checking in with him. Same expression. She reaches her hand up hesitantly, then lays it over his heart. She's almost startled to feel how hard it's beating in his chest. She feels the nervousness leave her, all the apprehension, and she lays her cheek against his chest. Her eyes close and she lets herself feel the warmth of his skin, her face dragging across it, and coming to nestle in the crook of his neck. Her arms wind around his neck, pulling herself up against him. She feels his arms close around her and lift her up off the floor. She's not even aware of movement until she feels the back of her legs brush against the bed and everything tip as Lucky lowers her down onto the mattress.

Lucky braces his arms on the mattress, not allowing his weight to settle against her. He nuzzles her neck, breathing in the scent of her hair, her skin, entranced by her. He lets his lips drag across her skin, letting himself really feel her, absorb her. His hands gently stroke her cheek, her neck and shoulders. He's unaware of anything outside of feeling her, until he hears her give a short moan. He pulls back, moving away from her, and checking to see if she's all right. Emily's arm is still wrapped around his neck, so he unwittingly pulls her with him, and they end up settled on their side, looking at each other. Emily blinks repeatedly, then slides her hand up to cup his cheek. She gives him a slight smile, and slides closer, embracing him again. Lucky rolls them over so that he is lying on his back, Emily resting against him.

Emily lies against him a long moment, letting herself be lulled by the rise and fall of his chest. Finally she lifts herself up on her hands, her legs moving to straddle his waist. Emily lowers her mouth to his, slowly, tentatively. She's not certain what is going to happen, until Lucky raises his head, his mouth capturing hers and dragging her down onto the bed with him. His kiss is hungry, but not demanding. Emily's hands begin to move over him, up his sides. She begins to feel overwhelmed with desire for him, for this to continue. Whatever this is, this soft and pliant way he's being... It's just the alcohol, she thinks hazily as she feels his tongue slide gently along her bottom lip. He's drunk, he's been drinking...

God, but this can't just be that. His hands have moved down her body and are gripping her thighs. His touch is intimate, and full of desire... He wants her. Not in the reserved way he usually does, this isn't like the other times -- when he looks at her with a mixture of longing and regret. It's always been there. Always, ever since Carly. Ever since he betrayed her.

All she's wanted, since then... Since the day she finally admitted to herself that she just couldn't stand not having him, was for things to go back to the way they were. For him to touch her like he did before, so that it was about nothing more than being in love. That feeling like you can't get close enough, like you want to drown, to be consumed, to sink under someone else's skin and forget about everything else that came before, or after. She wants to be a part of him. The real him. That person lurking under all the pain. This person who is holding her right now.

Lucky's hands slide further up her thighs, to the hem on her night dress. He lifts it up, slightly, looking up into her eyes, assuring that he has permission. Emily sits up, and raises her arms over her head. Lucky pulls the gown up and over her head, Emily helping, then tosses the gown aside.

Lucky: (exhaling) Oh... (Emily feels herself flush. Why, she has no idea. They've done this before. Why does this feel so different? Her heart is racing, her mouth is dry... His fingers move slowly up her side, lightly caressing her pale skin over thin and recently broken bones. She closes her eyes, having a hard time watching him look at her like this. She feels Lucky's hand against her cheek, and she opens them again, looking down at him.) I want to see your eyes. (Emily feels a jolt of electricity and swallows hard. She nods, fixing her gaze on him, as she feels his hands begin to move over her again. She slowly relaxes, and moves her hands down to his belt, undoing it with a purposeful look in her eyes that she makes certain he sees. She smiles when she hears Lucky's breath catch.

She lets him roll her over onto her back, his movement careful, tender. She desperately wants his weight on her, but knows she can't take it. Her body just isn't healed enough from the road... Not from the accident... Not from any of the things she's been through. Lucky seems to sense this, however, and his hands continue to explore her intimately, as his lips caress her.)

Em: (murmuring) That feels wonderful... (Lucky brings his mouth up to her ear.)

Lucky: It'll get better.

At the mere suggestion of the island, Stefan stiffens, his chin tipping up defensively, his shoulders bracing for attack.

Stefan: Rehashing the past is not part of my business here. (Laura cocks her head to one side, a bit saddened by the change in him)

Laura: (softly, almost a sing song) But you brought me blueberries... (Stefan rocks back on his heels slightly)

Stefan: (a whisper) Lasha...

Laura: Isn't that worth something? You used that once to bring me out... I'm using it to call on you. We have a history.

Stefan: Yes. One you have endeavored over twenty years to forget.

Laura: I never thanked you. (Stefan stares at her) I don't think I really did, not truly. For what you did. I think... In the intervening years? That I felt your actions erased all debt I had to you. You have done so many things I can't support, Stefan. So many things that turn my stomach! (Stefan flinches, ever so slightly) But I think, deep down... The reason I can't hate you... The reason I still think of you... (she hesitates, not having the words) the.. Way I do... Is because I think that all the rage and anger and viciousness in you... I must have created that. (she feels tears sting her eyes) Because I never saw a trace of it in that man on the cliff.

Stefan: (raw) Don't.

Laura: Do you want me to own up to this? I will. You weren't... You and I, we weren't naive children. We weren't unaware of what our situation was. But... In my whole life, I've never really found someone I could sit down with and talk to about what happened to me. It's so gothic, it's so far out of the realm of all possibility. But I still have to admit to what I did. I still have to look at my life now... At my sons, my husband... And at you and KNOW that my decisions, my actions still had repercussions as MUCH as I want to SCREAM that I should have gotten special treatment. God owed me. It feels awful to say it, but I believed that for so many years... God owed me some kind of compensation. (She wipes her eyes with the back of her hand and looks down at the fallen tears, laughing) I could even argue that I got it. I got years of compensation... Beautiful, joyful years with a husband who worshipped me, and a son who was more than I could ever have dreamed. And then Lulu... (She sits down on the grass again, tears now flowing freely) Oh, when she got sick, it was like the agreement was broken. I swore in that chapel, it swore in Mary Mae's old church.... I said it to anyone who would listen -- I would do ANYTHING, give up anything for her to be all right, for her to live... And I got my wish. And I lost everything else.

Stefan: You still look at it that way? Your eldest son coming back into your life was a disastrous occurrence.

Laura: No. No... (she shakes her head and looks up at him) I can't never explain it... I have never found the right words. Stefan, I'd built my whole life on a fault line and then trusted that the ground would never open up to swallow me whole. And when the ground started to shake, I just grabbed everything and held on and refused to give, refused to move with it. And it all tore apart. It was me, Stefan. It was all my doing.

Stefan: You were a victim.

Laura: Yes, I was. But who cares? I could say that to my son until I was blue in the face... And Lucky would look at me, his eyes wide, and he'd agree. And at the end, if I tried to hug him, his whole body would go rigid and... I'd just know, none of it makes up for the way I hurt him. Both of them. (She looks down at her hands, smiling sadly) They were children. You can't away things like this. You wound your children and then tell them why... And they might understand, but they are still wounded. Nikolas, Lucky... They are always going to be wounded.

Stefan: Nikolas will preserver.

Laura: (wryly) I know. You want to know why I'm so certain he's all right, don't you?

Stefan: It's my entire purpose for being here.

Laura: Sit down. (Stefan looks down at the grass and then back at her) Come on, Stefan, sit down -- I know you can do it, I've seen you do it before. (After a moment, Stefan moves towards her and lowers himself carefully on the grass. Laura looks at him, bemused) Does any part of you remember that? Strolling through long grass, sitting in the dust and talking for hours?

Stefan: I remember every moment. (Laura sits up straight at the intensity of his voice)

Laura: Yes. Yes, you always said you did. (Laura absently twists her fingers along the wedding band, realizing that it's not there for her to fiddle with. She folds her hands and drops them in her lap.) Nikolas and Lucky are together.

Stefan: They... Lucky?

Laura: Before Nikolas left town he gave Lulu his cell phone and told her Lucky would call it. And he did. And he told Lulu that he'd seen Nikolas and he'd take care of him.

Stefan: And you believe him. (Laura looks at him sharply)

Laura: He's my son! He loves his sister, and he doesn't lie!

Stefan: Unless his parents asks him to.

Laura: (Coldly) I don't expect you to understand Lucky. But I AM his mother and I do know him. I know what he's like, and I am certain, wherever Nikolas is, he's with Lucky.

Stefan: Nikolas disappeared into thin air --

Laura: Lucky could make him do that.

Stefan: Helena will stop at nothing, I'm certain of it, Laura. I don't doubt for a moment that she would go as far as to abduct him.

Laura: And I'm certain that Lucky helped Nikolas disappear so that she couldn't do just that.

Stefan: (quietly) and now? You think Lucky has Nikolas safely hidden away, using all those Spencer tricks your husband taught him, and you aim to track down Helena and put an end to her yourself?

Laura: Maybe it's more of me thinking that God still owes me one... But yes, I do.

Stefan: that is utter foolishness.

Laura: And you're going to make it utterly impossible for me to do anything now, aren't you.

Stefan: If nothing else, I think I owe it to my son to keep his mother breathing.

Laura: I could do it, Stefan. I could kill her and not even blink.

Stefan: She knows that. She would never let you get close enough.

Laura: Yes she would. For the mere pleasure of looking into my eyes while she tortures me. I know her, I know her appetite for my soul hasn't been sated yet.

Stefan: (shaking his head) You're right. I won't let you do this. (Laura nods, a bitter smile on her lips. She tips her face up to the sky, and laughs)

Laura: No one ever lets me do anything... (She shakes her head) And it's my fault, because I LET you find me.

Stefan: Let me.

Laura: (glancing at him, wryly) I stayed too long. I knew you'd track me down. And I left a clue for Luke too... but none of this really felt clear to me until I was here, until I looked at Katija and thought "What am I DOING?"

Stefan: What ARE you doing, Laura? What is all of this about?

Laura: It's about my children. (Stefan looks at her grimly)

Stefan: I don't like to see you like this.

Laura: Well. I'm sorry about that, but there's not much choice, is there? You're the one who followed me out here.

Stefan: This isn't you.

Laura: Oh, who IS me? (she laughs and looks over at him) Do you want to hear something really distressing? Last Christmas Eve, we had a family diner -- and Emily Quartermaine came over for dessert to see Lucky, and I... I'd barely seen her in the last six months. We were talking over tea and she was sitting there, very poised, very careful with everything she said to me... And I was asking her about her plans for the next year, normal small talk. (She exhales) Everything she said to me was so clear, it all just rolled off her tongue without any effort. And I looked at her and thought "was I ever that sure of myself? Was I ever that aware of who I was?" -- and I think I might have been. But I don't remember it. I don't remember what it felt like. But I'm almost certain you're supposed to have a clearer idea at my age than I did when I was seventeen. But I don't. I feel like someone else descended on me one day and just took me over. I can still feel her in me. I can feel her hands around my throat, her weight pulling me down... (She lets her voice trail off, staring off at the dark line of the horizon) Why did you do it, Stefan? If you cared about me so much, why did you let them keep me there?

Stefan: (unsteadily) What could I have done?

Laura: (looking at him) More than I could have. You could have... You could have done something. You could have let my family know I was alive. (Stefan stares at her, his hands clenching into fists.)

Stefan: (Low) No.

Laura: No?

Stefan: I... (He shakes his head, determinedly)

Laura: I want an answer. I NEED an answer, Stefan!

Stefan: (turning to face her, shaken) An answer? Would you truly believe anything I have to say to you? I was WEAK, Laura! You speak so kindly of that man on the cliff -- that man was powerless! He was a dreamer, he was desperately searching for any escape life would afford him!

Laura: That's not true!

Stefan: You say you made me the man am I today? You did. I am sorry if you don't enjoy him, but he is the man who raised your son, who protected him and who expelled the toxic influence of Helena from his life.

Laura: And everything else? That soft and loving side you had, all that kindness! What happened to that?

Stefan: I decided the day you left to do what I had to do to keep your child safe. That became the driving force of my life. I didn't HAVE a life, I had nothing before Nikolas. Before you! You have no idea who I am! You have no idea what I came from!

Laura: Because you never shared that with me.

Stefan: I shared more with you than any person before or since! I gave you everything I was capable of giving and you STILL left me. You abandoned your son, Laura -- and you abandoned me! I risked my life for you, just like you risked your life for me. And I thought that meant, somehow, that you loved me. But in the end, it merely meant that the life you had to risk wasn't worth anything to you. Nothing was, without Spencer!

Laura: I did love you! Don't you dare suggest I didn't -- (she stops dead. Stefan looks utterly stunned, then rallies)

Stefan: Don't toy with me, *Laura*. You never paused a moment once you knew Spencer was alive --

Laura: That doesn't MEAN that... (she stops, losing her breath. Her chest feels like it's constricting and she fights it a moment before her expression crumbles and she starts to cry. She buries her head in her hands and lets herself sob, without any attempt to put a stop to it. After several moments she feels something brush her shoulder. She looks up to see Stefan drape his coat over her shoulders. She shudders and makes an attempt to push it off) STOP IT! I don't want your coat!

Stefan: Take it.

Laura: I don't need it! I don't want to take anything from you! (Stefan looks at her, his eyes searching hers)

Stefan: It's that horrible. To admit you... Might have..

Laura: (shaking her head) I did. (she closes her eyes) I am a terrible liar. I'm an excellent secret keeper, but I can't lie to save my life. (she leans forward, holding her stomach) Nikolas asked me... if I loved you. I told him that I did, in my way. That is was a kind of love. (She shakes her head) No, it probably wasn't or isn't the kind you felt, but it was as much as I had to give. More than I thought I would ever feel again. (She wipes her eyes with her hand) And it saved my life. (She looks up at him) That's why I can't... I find it so hard to see how we got here. How you... How WE moved from two people so in NEED, so connected and desperate for each other... to this.

Stefan: You left.

Laura: Do you really... Do you really think there was any way for me to stay? (Stefan says nothing. He lowers his eyes) I was suffocating there. And yes, once I knew Luke was alive... But even without that, Stefan. Eventually we would have been caught. And I would have been killed. And even if that hadn't happened, I would have stopped being enough.

Stefan: Nikolas.

Laura: I... (she lowers her head again) Oh God forgive me... (She looks over at him) I will always -- ALWAYS -- be grateful for you. I will always thank God from the bottom of my heart because in spite of what you told him about me, what you let him believe... You loved him, and you raised him to be a decent and loving man and when he came back to me... I used to think of him and tell myself that he was Helena's grandson, that he was being raised to be another Stavros, and my stomach would churn and I'd feel the floor fall from under me... I never knew what to believe he was like. I even wondered if maybe... if he was so little a part of me now that I wouldn't even... (She winces, choking on a sob) That maybe he would be someone I would have to hate. Maybe he'd be so much like the man who might have been his father, that I'd have to... (She stops, letting out a scream of agony. Stefan reaches out and puts his hand on her shoulder, tears escaping his own eyes) How could I have ever thought that? How could I have thought of my own child and wondered if I could even love him, now that I had lost him? (she looks up at Stefan, tears flowing freely) But I did. And it was so painful and awful that I had to put thoughts of him away, I couldn't let myself imagine him. But then -- when he came back to me and I saw him... He was so MUCH his own man. He was pained, and angry and arrogant... but he was Nikolas. And I loved him immediately. It was so easy. And I will always credit you with that. For being there for him, for... Loving him without any conditions. For protecting him from Helena. No matter what else you've done, you did that and that.... (She stops and looks at him, cocking her head to one side) That is enough. That is more than I had any right to ask for. (Stefan puts his hand to her cheek)

Stefan: I had no other choice. I could not do anything but love him, he never gave me another option. (Laura laughs and looks away, wiping her eyes with her sleeves)

Laura: They don't, do they? I should have known that. I'd love him no matter what. For ever and ever. I know that now. (She exhales) But I am proud of him too. I'm fiercely proud of everything he is now.

Stefan: As am I. (Laura nods, and they stay in silence, with her sitting on the ground, Stefan crouched beside her. After a while Laura sighs and looks over at him)

Laura: Even when I hated you... I still cared. I can finally say that. (Stefan looks at her, his expression immediately vulnerable) We should have ended this long ago. For both our sakes. I wish we could have parted as friends. I wish there had been some way for us to function together.

Stefan: There was always too much in our way.

Laura: A lot of that we put there ourselves. (she leans over and puts her head on his shoulder. Stefan is momentarily startled, then reaches down to tentatively touch her hair. His eyes close the moment his fingers touch it. Oh God...) We have to find a way to say good-bye. Once and for all. And be something new to each other. For Nikolas's sake. (Stefan squeezes his eyes shut. After a moment he swallows.)

Stefan: I have never let go, Laura... (Laura gives a sad smile)

Laura: You have to. (she straightens up and looks at him. Seeing the expression on his face, she gets up on her knees, and moves towards him. In the dark she looks years younger, her childlike motions just highlighting how much she still has in her of that woman he knew years ago. His breath catches. She brings her hands up and cups his face) This is the last thing I will ever ask you in my life, Stefan. I am asking you to let me go. To let yourself go. (she raises her chin) We had something that never should have been... but it was, and I'm grateful for it. I am... honored to have been the person that young man loved. (her lips trembles a little and she bites it hard to stop it, then takes a breath and presses on) But you have to let go of him. Of us.

Stefan: I won't believe we were wrong. I won't believe it was a mistake --

Laura: We produced a child. Neither of us considers him a mistake.

Stefan: No.

Laura: But.

Stefan: How...? After all these years, how...?

Laura: (dropping her hands) Like this. (She reaches out and takes his hands in her. Stefan comes forward in a sudden movement, dropping to his knees. Laura looks up, startled by how close he suddenly is. She sets her jaw and looks up at him) Good-bye Stefan.

Stefan: Good-bye... Lasha. (Laura smiles a little. Stefan lowers his head slightly, on impulse, then pulls back. Laura raises her head and brings her lips to his, letting them linger against his a moment in a sweet but chaste kiss. Stefan lets his eyes close, savoring the moment. She moves back and looks at him. Their eyes lock on each others for a long moment, then Stefan, very carefully, drops her hands. He bows his head in a gentlemanly gesture) Laura. (Laura lets out a soft laugh, and nods)

Laura: Yes. Laura. (she sits back and looks at him. He shakes his head)

Stefan: I... I think I wish to be alone now.

Laura: That is a wish I can grant. (She gives him another sad smile and stands up, turning and forcing herself not to look back. She starts down the hill back to Katija's Farmhouse).