Chapter Thirty:
Deja Vu

Jason's Penthouse, later that evening.

Renaldo enters, letting in Lucky.

Lucky: Do you have any idea where she went?

Ren: No, she didn't say.

Lucky: Figures. (He glances over at him) Hey, how long has Jacob worked for Jason? (Renaldo coolly considers how much he should say. He shrugs, knowing that Jason was indoctrinating Lucky at one point).

Ren: Four months.

Lucky: He came from New York?

Ren: I don't know. He's only the driver.

Lucky: Ah ha. (He smirks at him) Thanks.

Ren: You can wait here for Miss Quartermaine.

Lucky: Great. (Renaldo turns and heads back to his post. Lucky walks over to the window and looks out it, trying to fend off all the emotions Nikolas stirred up. He doesn't have time for this right now. The longer she looks into this Hannah thing, the more certain he is that she's up to something. He's relatively sure she's not dangerous, at least not immediately so, but he wants the answers as soon as possible. He hears footsteps coming down the stairs and looks up to see Jason. Jason spots him and stops)

Jason: Emily's gone out.

Lucky: (gesturing to the door) Yeah, I heard. I'm waiting. Ok?

Jason: (shrugging) Ok. (He heads over to the desk. Lucky watches him, and considers how to approach this)

Lucky: Look, Jase... there's something I need to talk to you about.

Jason: Yeah?

Lucky: You know that singer my Dad hired at the club?

Jason: What about her?

Lucky: She basically walked in off the street. Never really a big deal, I mean how many musicians come in and out of the club in a week? Plus, Stefan Cassadine (Lucky can't help but smirk bitterly as he says the name) isn't exactly firing on all cylinders these days. My point here, is.... We may have made a slip.

Jason: What kind of slip?

Lucky: That's what I need to find out.

Jason: Luke know? (Lucky shakes his head)

Lucky: It's a personal project so far. I'm exercising some independence.

Jason: Don't want him taking over the game, huh?

Lucky: Something like that. Anyway, he doesn't need to be thinking about this stuff if it doesn't turn out to be anything. He's used the same theory on me a few times.

Jason: Carly? (Lucky frowns, recalling that little family bomb shell -- "Oh, by the way, this is your cousin". Granted, he should have been used to it by then.)

Lucky: Yeah, that's one. (Jason looks at Lucky blankly. Lucky shakes his head) Look, I'm not trying to leave him out off the loop here. I just want to make sure there's a loop to begin with, you know?

Jason: Where do I come in?

Lucky: You have... an impressive network. I need access to it.

Jason: (smiling) Sure. We could cut a deal.

Lucky: That's what I was hoping. (The door opens and Emily walks in. Both men turn to face her, and she lets out a groan)

Em: You're kidding me! I was just looking for you at the club.

Lucky: I just got here. Sorry to cost you the trip.

Em: (shrugging) Not a big deal.

Lucky: (looking at Jason) Look... Jason and I were just talking....

Em: (Looking over at Jason) You... (She looks back at Lucky) OH, no.

Lucky: (to Jason) Can we....?

Jason: Yeah, sure. (He nods at them.) I'll be in the back room. (He heads off. Emily stares at Lucky, uncomprehendingly)

Em: I really need you to tell me you're not going to do something stupid because Jason's driver thinks Hannah looks familiar.

Lucky: He didn't think that she looked "familiar". He thought that she looked like someone named "Sophie Clark". That's a different thing.

Em: Lucky. You promised.

Lucky: I'm not breaking any promises... I'm not going to get into trouble.

Em: "I'll lay off the hero stuff", you said that. You said that exactly!

Lucky: I'm just trying to figure out who this girl is. I didn't go looking for it.

Em: Then why don't you go to your father! (Lucky doesn't say anything) If you were anyone else I'd say you were being paranoid, but I know better than to hit you with that. What I don't understand is why you're going after this on your own, if it's just about finding out this woman is. You know, she might be who she says she is! I mean, I thought she looked familiar, too when I first saw her.

Lucky: I've called the two bars she said she sang at in her resume -- one said yeah, she'd sung there. The other one - first time I called, nothing, never heard of her. Then I get a call back saying it was a mistake, she did played there. (He raises his eyebrows at her.)

Em: (incredulously) They called you back?

Lucky: Smooth, huh? So I looked this up. Entertainment listings when they said she'd played there. There is no mention of a Hannah Hargreaves playing these places, ever.

Em: Maybe she wasn't listed! I mean, she's just a singer.

Lucky: Em. (Lucky looks at her seriously) Something is up.

Em: I hate it when you say that.

Lucky: Have I ever been wrong?

Em: THAT'S why I hate it! (she covers her face with her hands) You're really living up to your name here.

Lucky: (confused) Lucky?

Em: I was thinking of "Cowboy". As in the Lone Ranger.

Lucky: (teasing) Come on, Kimosabi. It's not going to be a disaster. If this girl turns out to be a plant or something, we just turf her. That's it.

Em: Just like that.

Lucky: Pretty much. I'm not trying to cause trouble here, but I don't have a choice. And at least I'm telling you about it this time.

Em: True. (She sighs). Ok. What does this have to do with Jason?

Lucky: I could follow paper trails all over the US with Jason's connections in about an hour. Or I can keep wading through files and old newspapers that don't tell me anything.

Em: (protesting) You can hack fairly quickly all on your own --

Lucky: Not into this stuff.

Em: Oh... this is another thing I don't want to know, isn't it?

Lucky: Probably.

Em: So... what? Why can't you just get access to this --

Lucky: It's not that simple, Em. I mean... I knew stuff Jason had to change when I backed out. If I got back into the system, then ...

Em: You know stuff again.

Lucky: Bingo.

Em: Can't somebody else... (Em lets her voice trail off) No, of course not. (She sinks onto the couch, staring ahead of herself) So what does this mean?

Lucky: Jason thought we could work something out. (Emily laughs)

Em: Oh my God. You're going to work for him.

Lucky: I think it was more like exchanging favors.

Em: Why can't you just OWE him.

Lucky: Em... I know he's your brother and everything, but being in debt to Jason Morgan isn't something I want to do.

Em: No, I guess not. I don't believe this. I thought you liked Hannah!

Lucky: As a person? Yeah, she's Ok. But I can't really afford to go around randomly liking people.

Em: (shaking her head in disbelief) You always say things like that like it's a totally normal.

Lucky: You wouldn't want me to be totally normal.

Em: (muttering) It might be an experience to try once. Having a regular boyfriend.

Lucky: (injured) Well, you've been looking in the wrong place.

Em: Excuse me. I'm just a bit freaked out by this! (She throws her hands up) I guess it's all relative. I mean, this is you we're talking about here.

Lucky: (bitterly) Yeah, and we all know what that means. (Emily hears the timber of his voice, and turns to look up at him, vexed. Lucky turns away and walks over to the window. Emily retraces the conversation, trying to locate where things suddenly went in this direction).

Em: All I meant was that... this is always going to happen, right? I'm always going to be having problems with my family, and you're always going to be --

Lucky: What? What am I always going to be? (Emily frowns, and stands up, turning to face his back)

Em: Lucky. I... Look! You can't get mad at me for worrying about you any more than I can get mad at you for doing things that I'm going to worry about. It's just who we are.

Lucky: Yet another thing I can't change.

Em: (in shock) Are we fighting AGAIN?

Lucky: (sullenly) You tell me.

Em: Ok. I admit it. I've lost the thread of this conversation.

Lucky: You're the one looking for the normal boyfriend.

Em: (light going on) Lucky. Ohhh... I'm sorry. (She walks up behind him, still looking moodily out the window, and wraps her arms around him, leaning against his back. Lucky closes his eyes. Emily speaks in hushed tones) It was a thoughtless remark. Sometimes I wish I was more normal, too. (she laughs slightly) Most of the time. But if you weren't who you are, then I wouldn't be madly in love with you. (she kisses the back of his neck lightly. Lucky continues to lean against the window, trying to gain some kind of perspective. Emily holds him in silence before gently prodding him) So what happened? (Emily feels his muscles tense)

Lucky: What makes you think something happened?

Em: Because you're being a bit sensitive, even for you. (Lucky untangles himself from her embrace, turning to face her)

Lucky: (ruefully) Sensitive. That's not something I'm accused of very often.

Emily: You know what I mean. This isn't just about some off-the-cuff remark. Something happened.

Lucky: (shaking his head) It's not important.

Em: If I have to watch you do this whole "moody/distant" thing, then it had better be important.

Lucky: I saw Nikolas, Ok? Nothing that I haven't done a million other times. (Lucky turns away from her and walks back across the apartment.)

Em: What did he do?

Lucky: He was trying to talk to me. (Emily frowns. She opens her mouth to say something, then shuts it again.)

Em: (slowly) I... don't understand

Lucky: Do you think I do? When, in the last year, have I given him the slightest sign that I want to know him, that I want him near me in any way? I gave up on hating him because it was taking up too much space in my life. And I couldn't do it to Lu. Or Mom.

Em: Lucky...

Lucky: Look, everyone was always telling me to try with him, Ok? Like the fact that we didn't get along was basically my fault. Well, I tried. And guess what? Saint Nikolas is about as interested in having me in his life as he is in voluntary root canal. I have better things to do with my time. I just want to know why he doesn't leave me the hell alone!

Em: Maybe because he wants a brother! (Emily is about as shocked as Lucky that those words came out of his mouth. Lucky turns away from her, violently . She crosses the room). Lucky, someone had to say it.

Lucky: Why? It's not true.

Em: You don't know if it's true. You won't even let yourself consider it, because you can't stand the idea of having to rely on him in any way. (Lucky doesn't answer this). You're both so protective of yourselves! I mean, I look at Nikolas when your name come up, and he gets the exact same look in his eyes that you have right now. But when I see him with you, and ... you're right. He's cold, he's unresponsive.... I think I know you too well. I can see what you're feeling from a mile away. But he doesn't. He thinks the same thing you do -- that you don't care. So you're just going to keep doing this over and over again. And each time, it gets harder to watch. (Lucky turns back to her, the look on his face letting her know immediately that he's not open to any further discussion of this topic.)

Lucky: Look. I have to finish talking to Jason. There are some things that take precedence over Nikolas Cassadine, you know? (Emily sits down on the couch and looks up at the ceiling)

Em: (heavily) Fine. Do what you want.

The Port Charles Park.

Hannah walks across the park, defiantly, though every instinct she has suggests this isn't a place for a woman to be at midnight. She's decided to walk home, however, and clear her head. If that's possible. The snow is falling heavily now, and she considers it to be a safeguard against wackos. Only the truly insane are out in this weather. Besides, she has that nauseous self-loathing feeling brewing in the pit of her stomach and she knows it will just continue to fester once she gets home. She can't stand the silence she's finding herself in. Seeing Emily, no matter how briefly, is always horrible. Talking to her is worse. She has to stop doing it. She's looked at this from all possible angles and the fact that she has a niece in this town can only be seen as a disadvantage. For starters, she's never been good with family. She hasn't had a family in her life for ten years now, and she's fine. She had barely given the girl the slightest thought since she'd last seen her. She had refused to think much on any of her family, and the child of her sister was such an intangible thing. She had barely met her, for starters, and when she had, the kid had this strange haunted thing going that gave her the creeps. Emily seemed to have grown into that disposition rather than abandoned it. She was so coolly detached from her whenever they spoke. That was a stark contrast from the few instances she'd seen her with Lucky. She reaches a clearing in the park, where the snow is almost untouched. It's deeper than she expected, and she has snow packed at the lip of her boot now. It's heavy, wet snow, sticking to her hair coat and eyelashes. She is trudging through the clearing when she notices a man sitting on a bench, head bowed, letting himself get covered in snow. As she approaches, he looks up and they both stare at each other in shock.

Nik: Believe it or not, I'm not trying to run into you this time.

Hannah: (stammering) I ... I believe you. (Nikolas looks at her belligerently) I'm... sorry I disturbed you. I'll leave you to your hypothermia.

Nik: That isn't likely.

Hannah: It's snowing. Not a choice evening to sleep on a park bench.

Nik: I have an apartment. (He smiles to himself) It's a horrible place.

Hannah: (knowing she shouldn't even ask) You've left the island?

Nik: It wasn't a place I could be anymore. (he looks up at her and smirks) If we ever had a conversation that lasted more than fifteen minutes, you'd understand why.

Hannah: Don't play on my conscience, Nikolas. I don't have one.

Nik: Do you think I could appeal on YOU to stop using my name?

Hannah: Fine.

Nik: What was that about? The name.

Hannah: How many of the questions you've asked me have I actually answered?

Nik: Enough that I keep asking. Besides, the ones you don't answer are usually more informative than the ones you do.

Hannah: (thoroughly spooked) All right. You can play this game alone. (she turns to walk away)

Nik: Am I losing my mind?

Hannah: What?

Nik: (standing up) Am I losing my mind, or is it just everyone else?

Hannah: Everyone else? That's fairly arrogant.

Nik: I've been accused of that before. (He stares at her, unapologetically) Do you remember what you said to me about Lucky Spencer? About him wanting something from me?

Hannah: Yes. (she feels her stomach knotting)

Nik: What am I supposed to do with that information? I've known Lucky for over three years now. He isn't quite as irritating as he was when I met him, but generally, he's pretty much the same guy. He has what he wants in life right now. His family, his girlfriend, following in his father's footsteps. Exactly what does he need from me?

Hannah: I am not the person to ask.

Nik: You're the person who said it! And I ... for some reason, I needed to believe it.

Hannah: Nikolas, look.

Nik: You're breaking the rules. No names. Remember?

Hannah: (quietly) All right.

Nik: Before this, basically, I was all right with how things were with Lucky and I. No, that's probably not true. But the important part is that I thought I was content. My sister seemed fine, my mother was thrilled we weren't trying to kill each other anymore... beggars can't be choosers.

Hannah: I ... I don't know anything about this.

Nik: No. But you descended into my life like some ethereal spirit, and I stupidly followed where I felt you were leading me.

Hannah: I never asked for that. I... I still don't know why you --

Nik: Fell for you? (Hannah stops, struck dumb by his honesty.) That's what happened. I'm not an irrational person, normally. I used to think people who were governed by their emotions -- people like Lucky, for instance -- were fools. There was nothing I ever felt that was so strong that I couldn't push it down and force it to go away from pure will. I had a friend... She fell in love with a man who shot her -- because he had kind eyes. I never thought I'd truly understand that. Until now.

Hannah: Ni-- (she catches herself) You ... you have no idea what you're asking of me.

Nik: Then tell me! Tell me so that I can let go of this! I don't WANT to care about you! I have had enough rejection in my life without you adding yours to the heap. My Mother walked out on me THREE times. My own brother loathes the sight of me. And now you... this person who keeps drawing me in like some magnetic force, only to push me away twice as hard -- I need to know why, Hannah.

Hannah: I can't tell you why.

Nik: Do you have a reason?

Hannah: (angrily) Why do you think this is so easy for me?

Nik: Because I know I couldn't do it. I couldn't kiss you one moment and throw you out the next.

Hannah: You don't know a thing about me! NOT a THING.

Nik: I don't care.

Hannah: Lust isn't something I choose to base relationships on. (Nikolas is stung)

Nik: Lust. (he shakes his head, a bitter smile spreading across his face) You're right. You don't know anything about me.

Hannah: (once again falling victim to his hurt feelings) Nikolas...

Nik: STOP IT! Stop doing this! Stop hurting me one second, and then trying to draw me back in the next. If you don't care, if I am making a fool of myself, if I've lost my mind, then tell me! Because, I could swear that I wasn't in this alone. That when we kissed, you were feeling exactly what I was.

Hannah: I ... I can't do this.

Nik: Nothing you say makes any sense! Half of what you say to me feels like a truth I've been looking for all my life, and the other half is so twisted that I can't even follow it! (Nikolas looks at her, deeply injured. Hannah feels tears coming to her eyes.)

Hannah: (shakily) I'm not trying to hurt you.

Nik: Then what are you trying to do?

Hannah: (infuriated at the world) I don't know what I'm doing. I don't even know what I'm protecting. But I do know that I can't let you near me, Nikolas. Not for either of us.

Nik: (quietly) What do you think you have inside of you that is so horrible that it can't come out?

Hannah: If I do... if I let you -- (she turns away from him, unable to even begin to explain what's going on inside her.) You don't want this. It would be the biggest mistake of your life.

Nik: I don't have a life. I have shadows of a life. (she looks back at him, relating deeply to that image)

Hannah: At least it's something. You have to hold on to whatever you have.

Nik: Why? What is it you're so afraid of losing?

Hannah: (laughing suddenly) I don't know! Not my freedom, that's for sure. And not my family. (tears start to fall down her cheeks) Not even my life. (Nikolas watches her, once again caught up in something that he senses he's felt himself. He reaches out to her)

Nik: Come here. (Hannah doesn't move)

Hannah: I don't think I can give you what you want.

Nik: I want you.

Hannah: You don't even know what that is.

Nik: I know what I need to. I know that I have an ache in me that goes away when you look at me like that. When I see the glimmer of understanding in your eyes. (he shakes his head) I can't be wrong about this. (Hannah's eyes well up again) I don't know why, Hannah, but I'll make the sacrifices you need. I'll stop the questions, and I'll just accept you. If you'll accept me.

Hannah: Oh, God.... (she finds herself walking towards him. She tries valiantly to make herself care. An inner voice screams that she is signing her death warrant. It falls on deaf ears. She reaches him, and stand directly in front of him, eyes shinning) I don't want to hurt you. (Nikolas shakes his head in response, and pulls her into his arms, kissing her passionately. Hannah melts, any remaining resistance falling away. The kiss breaks leaving them both breathless)

Nik: I've never felt like this. (Hannah closes her eyes, pale as a ghost)

Hannah: Neither have I.... (she begins to shiver, not from the cold. She fells overwhelmed by the feeling he inspires in her. She gasps for air) This was never supposed to happen to me. (Nikolas responds by kissing her again, deeply, his hands moving up into her hair, caressing her. Hannah lets go completely, leaving everything else behind. It doesn't matter anymore. She hasn't any life worth living.)

Hannah enters the apartment in front of Nikolas. They are both covered in snow that is beginning to melt. She turns to face him. They haven't said a word since the park, still feeling possessed by the spell that was cast there. Hannah turns to face him. She drops her purse and keys to the ground and undoes her coat. Nikolas watches her, closing the door behind them. Hannah walks to him, pressing him against the door and locking it firmly. She takes his face in her hands and kisses him. Nikolas savors this a moment. She breaks the kiss and lightly brushes her lips along his jaw. The melting snow sends rivers of water down his faces, and Hannah catches them with her mouth. Nikolas slips his hands under her coat, finding her lean frame, and pulls her against him. The coat slides from her shoulders, falling to the ground. Nikolas lifts her up, kissing her passionately, and she manages to let her boots fall to the ground. Their kisses become more passionate and demanding. Hannah slides down his body, finding the floor with her toes and pulls back slightly. She takes Nikolas's hand in hers. And leads him to her bedroom.