Chapter Fifty-Four:
Why Can't We All Just Get Along?

The Quartermaine Mansion, Emily's room, the next day.

Emily stands by her window, staring out at the melting clumps of dirty snow still dotting the lawn. She can't shake this tightness in her chest that has been there since she got home last night to find no messages on her phone from Lucky. This has NEVER happened before. Every fight they've ever had, he calls before she goes to bed to make some kind of gesture. Certainly he's never left it until this late the next afternoon. She's picked up the phone to call him about a dozen times, but can't figure out what she has to say. She's feeling profoundly confused after her conversation with Hannah, but she can't figure out how to talk to him about it. Something doesn't add up for her, and she knows if it doesn't add up to her, then Lucky, no doubt, has looked into it. And if he has an answer, then he's not telling her. Hannah explained that whole story to her -- from Boston through to Europe. It had been hard to listen to. The fact that one person could make so many mistakes seemed proof to her that this was indeed a relative of hers. Her head had been pounding by the time the story was over, and while she felt strangely closer to her, she couldn't bring herself to say anything else but good night. Hannah seemed to be satisfied with that. There was a quiet respect Hannah had for her space. Emily really appreciated that. She doesn't know when or if she'll go back, but she hasn't been able to stop thinking about Hannah since. It is preferable to thinking about Lucky, since she's at a complete loss as to what to do about him. There is a knock on the door. Emily doesn't look up.)

Em: (quietly) Come in.

Monica: Sweetheart? I thought I heard you come in.

Em: You did.

Monica: Are you all right? (Emily sighs heavily) Emily, please. We used to be able to talk about things.

Em: I'm just tired. (she moves away from the window, and crosses to her bed)

Monica: Something's bothering you, Emily. I can tell. (Emily flops down on the bed, and curls up, her back to Monica.)

Em: Don't worry about it.

Monica: Is it about Lucky? (Emily laughs slightly and rolls over onto her back, looking up at the canopy over her bed.)

Em: You'd love that, wouldn't you?

Monica: No, Emily, I would not. Don't you understand that all of this has been about trying to spare you pain?

Em: (acidly) Yeah, well, everyone's doing a bang up job, as always.

Monica: Emily! You're not even giving us a chance anymore. (Emily presses her lips together, aware at the truth in this statement)

Em: (quietly) Do you realize how big a part of my life you have banned from this house? Do you know what that means? If you deny the fact that Lucky and I are together, then how I can I bring any problems I have with him into this house?

Monica; No one is denying --

Em: EVERYONE wants him to stay away from here. Don't tell me that's not because they want to pretend, on some level, that he doesn't exist. And even if it's not, I don't really feel like I can say anything about him because you'll just make it into another reason to hate him.

Monica: I don't hate him. I just don't trust him.

Em: I do. (she frowns, as she says this, realizes for the first time that she really truly believes he's hiding something from her. She turns her head away from Monica, staring at the opposite wall)

Monica: I would hate it if this meant we couldn't talk to each other anymore.

Em: (quietly) So would I.

Monica: (move to the bed) Then why don't we try.

Em: (wiping a stray tear from her cheek) Because the last time I tried, I really thought you heard what I was saying, and then two hours later, Alan was dragging me home from Lucky's.

Monica: Emily --

Em: Don't tell me that you couldn't have stopped him! Don't even tell me that you tried.

Monica: You're right. I was stunned, Emily. I was in absolute shock. And I did want you home. It was my gut reaction -- to get you back here. I know it wasn't what you wanted, but you have to understand --

Em: I understand. I always understand. That's what I spend all my time doing. Understanding everyone's reasons for treating me the way they do.

Monica: Would that include Lucky?

Em: Don't. I mean it. I'm not going to talk to you about him anymore.

Monica: All right. I get it. (she reaches out and lightly moves a strand of hair away from Emily's face). Can I at least ask how school is going? You seem to be spending a lot of time there. (Emily turns her face into the pillow. She's hardly at the school now, compared to last semester. In fact, she skipped all of her extracurricular stuff this week)

Em: It's fine.

Monica: Are you nervous about Berkeley?

Em: (heavily) To be honest, I haven't had much time to think about it.

Monica: That's probably best. You don't want to be driving yourself crazy with all this time you still have to wait. (Emily sits up impatiently)

Em: Is there something you want to know?

Monica: I'm just trying to talk to you, Emily.

Em: You're prying. (Monica shakes her head)

Monica: I swear, Emily, I don't know how to talk to you anymore! You won't offer anything, and you take offense to any questions I ask.

Em: You'll have to forgive me if I'm feeling a little persecuted.

Monica: I know the move back hasn't been easy on you. Edward... well, he can make it difficult when he grabs onto something.

Em: I've noticed.

Monica: But we ARE trying.

Em: (distantly) Don't you ever get tired of it?

Monica: Of what?

Em: Of trying so hard to maintain any sort of relationship. Don't you wish, just once, things could be easy? That they could just happen?

Monica: Life isn't like that.

Em: At least not in this house.

Monica: Emily! How long are we supposed to put up with this? You have nothing good to say about anyone. I know things haven't been easy this last year, but we have done the best we can. I don't know what else we can do for you. (Emily stares hard at the canopy, blinking rapidly.)

Em: (under her breath) That's the problem.

Monica: What was that?

Em: (sitting up) I'm going for a walk.

Monica: Emily! (Emily looks up at Monica, warily)

Em: What?

Monica: No matter what happens, we are your family. Don't forget that. (Emily sighs and stands up)

Em: I won't be back for dinner.

Nikolas's apartment

Nikolas opens his front door, mentally cursing his doorman yet again. He's relieved to see Hannah leaning against the door frame. She's smiling, always a good sign. He feels the weight of his conversation with his father lessening somewhat. He stands back from the door, and she enters, pulling off her gloves. She doesn't say anything until the door is shut. She turns and wraps her arms around him, giving him a long kiss. He revels in her, grateful to have the distraction. She pulls back and smiles at him, tentatively.

Hannah: What happened to you last night?

Nik: I had a family situation. My uncle called me out to Spoon Island.

Hannah: (frowning, feeling a certain nervous energy stir in her stomach) Anything important?

Nik: Nothing out of the ordinary, unfortunately... You look... different.

Hannah: (grinning) Emily came to see me yesterday. I think there's a chance she doesn't hate me.

Nik: (raising his eyebrows) Just like that?

Hannah: I don't know. I mean, I realize that there's probably a lot of hurt feelings there that she hasn't accessed yet, but as for last night... no, it was nice. Very civil. (She furrows her brow) You never told me that you'd kissed her.

Nik: Oh. I'd... Uh, to be honest, I didn't think of it.

Hannah: She said it was pretty one-sided.

Nik: It was a really long time ago. Before she got together with Lucky.

Hannah: I was beginning to think there wasn't a "before" with her and Lucky.

Nik: There is. But it wouldn't interest you.

Hannah: I can't imagine that. (she shakes her head) I think I'm taken with her. It's so silly. I mean, I don't know anything about her, but I'm still feeling such a rush! She's so.... I don't know. This is going to sound dumb, she was so young when he died, but she's so much like her father!

Nik: I don't know anything about him.

Hannah: Oh, he was... different. I thought he was amazing. I was something like six or seven when they got married. I really thought it was the best thing my sister ever did. (She crosses her arms, and leans against the arm of the sofa) He was very understated, but really funny. Very quiet, but he had this wonderful smile and he really thought about everything. Emily was like him from the beginning. She was such a serious baby, you have no idea. She's actually a lot more... lighthearted? That doesn't seem right. She laughs more than I ever saw her as a child. But to be fair I didn't see her that much. (She finds herself smiling again, a sad look in her eyes) I do remember when she was born, though. She was really tiny, and it was this ridiculously long labor -- I kind of wondered if that's why Paige didn't rush to have another one, because GOD did she love being a Mom. It was like it gave her this inner peace that just drove me crazy. (she shakes her head) To be fair, Paige never had to try to hard to drive me crazy. (She looks up at him) I just want to know everything now. I mean, all the good stuff, all the bad... I don't care how guilty I feel, or how ugly it is. I want to know everything I can about her. But don't worry, I'm not going to push. It's going to kill me, but I'm not going to push. Oh my god, how can something that felt like it wasn't ever going to be anything but painful turn around so quickly? I guess maybe we just had the stars in alignment last night or something. I mean, don't get me wrong, she was angry, but for the most part, she was so... She wasn't judging me. She just listened, and she actually seemed to accept that I'm human. Incredibly flawed, but still human. (she laughs, a sudden burst) I can't believe this! (Nikolas looks at her, smiling slightly. She's barely recognizable to the woman he's used to -- tense and guarded -- and he's not sure what to make of it)

Nik: You're giddy

Hannah: I don't know what's wrong with me! I'm... (she waves her hands around uselessly) I'm happy! I mean... When I first found out who she was, the smartest thing to do seemed to be to just stay out of everything. And I didn't want to talk to her or anything, because I didn't want to care. Well, not anymore than I had to. There was this thing, it was kind of immediate -- I just knew that it mattered, what happened to her. But I didn't think that I could ever be a part of it. I mean, what do I have to offer her? She already has parents and a family that can give her everything she needs. But... she still wants to know me. She still cares. And -- Ok, I don't want to get ahead of myself, because I KNOW that nothing's changed. I mean, my life is still what it was last week, but.... (she sighs) I don't know Nikolas. Have you ever wanted something so much that you can't even let yourself think about it or hope for it, because if it doesn't happen it will be so devastating... Am I making any sense?

Nik: (somberly) Yeah. Yeah, you are. (Hannah observes him, finally coming back to earth)

Hannah: Hey. Is something going on? (Nikolas sinks into an arm chair)

Nik: Uh... Nothing you should worry about.

Hannah: Then why do I suddenly feel very worried.

Nik: (switching topics) Lucky came to see me yesterday.

Hannah: Oh. (She searches for something else to say, but still can't make head or tail of that relationship, so she just frowns instead)

Nik: He wanted... I don't know what he wanted. It was really strange.

Hannah: Good strange, or bad strange?

Nik: Just strange. Let's leave it at that.

Hannah: Ok.... I'm sorry. It must be really hard to listen to me going on and on about Emily. I just... for the first time in ages, I had something I wanted to share with someone... and then I realized I could. I could share it with you. (Nikolas gazes at her, touched. She senses that he's feeling vulnerable about something, and crosses to him, standing in front of him.)

Hannah: How was your visit with your uncle? (Nikolas looks up at her. He reaches out, and pulls her closer to him, his hand on her waist. He seems to look right through her. Hannah looks down at him, concerned,) Nikolas?

Nik: You always talk like you're going to end up hurting me..... (Hannah looks down at him, furrowing her brow)

Hannah: Nikolas, what did Lucky --

Nik: I'm not going to let anything happen to you. (Hannah stares at him, uncomprehendingly. She decides not to ask any questions)

Hannah: All right.

Nik: (looking up to her face) Are you really happy?

Hannah: I am, right now, really happy.

Nik: You look so beautiful. (Hannah gazes at him, searching his face for a clue as to what this is about. She reaches out and strokes his hair with her hand)

Hannah: Don't get to serious on me, here.

Nik: Too late. (Hannah slides her hand down his face, and lifts his chin, lowering her mouth to his. She kisses him slowly, but he quickly pulls her into a more heated embrace. Hannah complies, still unable to let herself feel the full force of the uneasy feeling he's inspiring in her. She closes her eyes and lets herself forget everything outside of his touch.)

Luke's Club.

Lucky stands behind the bar, his laptop lying inconspicuously on the counter, next to a too long abandoned spread sheet assignment. His eyes keep falling on it as he attempts to sort through a pile of invoices his father has left for him to categorize. He's trying not to think too much about anything, but the only thing that is distracting him from the complete mess that is his life, is Jason's proposal. Some part of his brain can grab onto the nuts and bolts of Jason's problem without delving too deeply into the ramifications. It's not that he doesn't know what they are -- it's just that, for some reason, he can't make himself care. This thing with Jason, it is incredibly black and white, easy in comparison to everything else. He hears the door open, and steels himself for whoever it might be. Emily appears. She stops and stands just in sight, across the bar, looking at him. Lucky gazes back at her, at a complete loss. He's barely been able to think about her since yesterday afternoon. Now faced with her, looking at him with hopeful hesitation, he feels his insides knot. He can't think of anything to say. Finally Emily clears her throat.

Em: I figured it was probably my turn to make the first move, huh? (Lucky says nothing. He just stares at her, feeling completely useless. Emily feels herself tense even more. She forces herself to smile at him, as she crosses to the bar.) What, are we not talking?

Lucky: We're talking.

Em: About what, the weather? (Lucky looks away from her and sighs heavily) I'm sorry. I'm sorry I was pushing so hard yesterday. I wasn't feeling like myself. I was strung out about Hannah... you don't need this. (Lucky blinks. Emily takes a deep breath and presses on) I can't be fighting with you right now. It's stupid for us to be arguing with each other. (Lucky still stares at the opposite wall, unable to make himself say anything to her. She's trying so hard, and he can't even look at her). I don't want to do this. I need you too much right now for all of this distance. (Lucky exhales heavily. Emily furrows her brow) What did I do, Lucky? Why are you so angry at me?

Lucky: I'm not angry.

Em: Then why won't you talk to me?

Lucky: (finally looking at her) Why do you want me to? (Emily steps back, confused)

Em: What do you mean?

Lucky: Never mind.

Em: No, Lucky, come on. What do you think's going on here?

Lucky: Emily.... I can't do this now. ( Emily stands back, suddenly nervous)

Em: What's going on here?

Lucky: Nothing's going on --

Em: Don't tell me that! You've been acting weird ever since I went back home. Is it that? Or did something else happen?

Lucky: I'm fine. (Emily narrows her eyes at him, standing protected behind the bar. She turns and walks around it, coming towards him. She knows her suspicions are one hundred percent correct when he backs away from her. She refuses to be put off, and approaches him, stopping about two feet away, and looking at him intently)

Em: Why are you doing this? (Lucky says nothing, opting to study the top of the bar. Emily takes another step towards him.) Lucky. (Lucky clears his throat slightly. She closes the remaining distance between them, standing roughly an inch away from him, her breath on his neck) Why do you want to push me away? (Lucky forces himself not to step away from her. She reaches up and puts her hand to his cheek, forcing him to look at her. Given no choice, his eyes finally meet hers, and she sees clearly that he's in absolute agony.) I don't care what happened. I only care that you're hurting and you won't let me help you. Don't do this to me. (Lucky gives up and wraps his arms around her, pulling her towards him. Emily closes her eyes and hold him tightly, stroking his hair with her hands. Lucky feels all the conflicted feeling in him start to crack open. He pulls her even closer against him, but it doesn't work. Everything still continues to build. He pulls back and kisses her passionately. Emily, beyond finding anything about him surprising these days, responds, overwhelmed just to have him wanting her around again. The sense of rejection she was fighting off lessens, and she melts against him, willing to do anything, go anywhere he wants her to, just as long as she can be close to him. Lucky suddenly pulls back from her, and she stumbles slightly as he moves away from her. Emily stands, in complete shock, staring at him) What happened?

Lucky: What's going on with you, Emily?

Em: What?

Lucky: What is this, this hot and cold thing? Where did it come from?

Em: I'm not....

Lucky: You walk out on me two days in a row, and now you're here, and you're what? Throwing yourself at me --

Em: LUCKY! What are talking about?

Lucky: What do you want from me?

Em: I don't want anything from you. I just want you. You know that.

Lucky: (under his breath) Why?

Em: Lucky, come on. (she walks towards him again)

Lucky: Isn't it possible that sometimes, I just need a little space? (Emily stares at him, her heart suddenly in her throat)

Em: You don't mean that.

Lucky: Give me one reason why I don't.

Em: (tearing up, in absolute fury) I KNOW what you're doing! I may not know why, but I know you don't mean that. What is inside you that is so horrible that you have to hurt me like this? You want me to give you permission to self destruct again, don't you? You want me to play along, and walk away from you so that you don't have to face how guilty you feel about WHATEVER it is you're keeping from me. I know you too well to fall for this.

Lucky: Yeah, well, maybe I'm sick of you knowing me this well.

Em: Oh my God..... (She shakes her head, sadly) Fine, Lucky. You really want to do this? You really want me to go away? Well, guess what? I'll play it your way this time. Because I can't watch you do this. So, you go do whatever it is you want to do. (She smiles at him bitterly, co-opting his line) You know where to find me, right? (Emily turns around and walks out of the bar, as quickly as she can without actually running. Lucky feels a wave of relief with her leaving, though her accusation sticks with him. He leans against he bar)

Lucky: What are you doing, Spencer?