Chapter One Hundred Twenty-Two:
Sifting Through

The Wyndemere Docks.

Alexis, dressed for a business meeting, expertly navigates the steps down to the dock. She reaches the bottom, and takes a moment to breathe in the crisp early spring air blowing in off the lake. Feeling sufficiently fortified, she starts towards the launch. She stops suddenly, sensing another presence, then turns to see Nikolas emerge out of the mist behind her. Years in the company of Stefan has desensitized her from being snuck up on, and she gives him a practiced smile, knowing full well that this could be a much heavier conversation than just any visit to the island.

Alexis: You're becoming more and more like your uncle every day. (Nikolas looks at her blankly. Alexis suppresses the strong urge to ask him how he's feeling). It's nice to see you here, Nikolas. It's been too long since we have had a chance to talk.

Nik: (gesturing to the launch) Don't you have somewhere you have to be?

Alexis: Nothing that can't wait.

Nik: All right. What do you have to talk to me about?

Alexis: I need to have a particular topic in mind? (No response) All right… Then why don't we start with what brings you here today? (Nik sighs and turns away from her, walking a little ways down the docks. Alexis watches after him with concern, then turns and signals for the launch to stand by. She follows Nikolas down the dock) I heard that you and Stefan are having… difficulties.

Nik: He wants me to come home. (Alexis nods)

Alexis: That stands to reason, seeing as he didn't want you to leave in the first place. (Nikolas turns to face her).

Nik: I don't… I don't know if I want to come back or not. (Alexis nods sympathetically)

Alexis: I've always had a certain ambivalence about returning to the family fold whenever it was called for. (Nikolas shakes his head)

Nik: It's different for you, Alexis. You had a life outside the family. You left, you went to school, you had a whole world in Manhattan that only belonged to you.

Alexis: (carefully) That may have been how it appeared… But being a Cassadine is the all-consuming fact of our lives. No matter how peripheral your position may be.

Nik: (repentant) I didn't mean… I didn't mean that it isn't for you, just like the rest of us. I just mean…

Alexis: I'm not the heir. (Nikolas digests this a moment, then nods)

Nik: (quietly) I've been trying… My whole life, that's been the central fact of who I am. The Cassadine Heir, last of the Cassadine Princes. I never would have changed it for anything. Why would I want to? It was all I knew. (Alexis nods. She knows exactly where this is coming from, but Stefan had not decided yet how he wanted to handle the death of this woman, and she respects that).

Alexis: You've changed your mind?

Nik: (tense) I just get tired to having no control… And no KNOWLEDGE of what occurs in my own life. (He turns back to her, his eyes pleading with her for some sort of validation)

Alexis: I understand, Nikolas… But you know, a part of this… It isn't solely because of your position. This is also your uncle. He feels a need to know what is going on in your life, to protect you at all costs…

Nik: I know. But… At what point does that end? (Alexis presses her lips together. It's been an incredibly long time since Nikolas has come to her like this, and given what he's been through, she knows he must need Stefan desperately. She takes a deep breath, but Nikolas cuts her off). Don't you think that the reason he always thinks everyone is up to something is because HE is always up to something? The world is not full of people with secret agendas who are constantly out to get to me.

Alexis: I think Luke Spencer is enough to cause him concern.

Nik: It doesn't stop with Luke, though! It's everyone.

Alexis: Stefan doesn't trust this country, Nikolas. He doesn't trust the life you've chosen to give you security. I can see his point. Since you've lived here, I've lost track of how many times you've been hospitalized!

Nik: Never once because of any purposeful attack on my life.

Alexis: I think that's part of Stefan's concern. On the island… It's our own little microcosm. We control what happens with impunity. No fist fights…

Nik: No drive by shootings…

Alexis: (ruefully) No irate mad men knocking out guards and wrecking havoc at the slightest provocation. (Nikolas gets lost in thought a moment)

Nik: (distantly) Do you miss it?

Alexis: (laughing) I've scarcely been back since I left for school! (She looks out at the water with him) But… I grew up there. It is my home, like it or not. (She puts a hand on his shoulder, resting her chin on it) What about you?

Nik: My sister is here. That's always been the end of the debate for me. (He turns to her) It would be different there now, wouldn't it?

Alexis: For you? (She smiles) You'd have all the control you wanted there.

Nik: Is it so unreasonable to want that? Just some kind of control over my life, or my surroundings? (Nikolas' voice gets increasingly distraught as he speaks) Get to make my own decisions without having to worry about someone second guessing me, or making choices that aren't theirs to make.

Alexis: Are we still talking about Stefan? Or is this about Helena?

Nik: (desperately) Why is she here, Alexis? Do we know anything?

Alexis: Nikolas…

Nik: (frustrated) Please! (He stops, realizing he's loosing his grip, and lowers his voice). Please, just tell me what you know. (Alexis looks at him, pained).

Alexis: I'm sorry. She hasn't contacted us at all, we don't know anything.

Nik: Do you swear? (Alexis puts a hand to his face and looks directly into his eyes)

Alexis: (firmly) I'm telling you the truth.

Nik: (bitterly) As you know it.

Alexis: Of course! (Nikolas turns away in frustration).

Nik: How can you stand it? After all these years, how can you STAND not knowing for certain that you have the whole picture?

Alexis: (emotionally) Because I love my brother! (Nikolas doesn't look back at her, staring out at the lake intently. Her words are striking a chord with him, and he doesn't like it) I understand him, Nikolas. I understand why he does the things he does. I don't always approve of them, but I respect his position in the family, and I respect his desire to operate the way he does. Most of all, I trust him. With my life, I trust him. He has saved me over and over again.

Nik: He turned his back on you once.

Alexis: Not when it really counted. Once he saw that I was clearly in trouble… That I was in danger of loosing my life… (She paces the dock a moment, regaining her composure) When all is said and done, Stefan has always had my best interests at heart. (She looks back at him) And the same is true for you. (Nikolas sighs heavily)

Nik: You think I'm being a spoiled brat, don't you? Refusing to come home, refusing to tell him everything that's been happening.

Alexis: No. I understand your frustration, Nikolas. We all do. Even your uncle… Him perhaps most of all. We all know a part of what it's like to feel that your life is not your own.

Nik: (steadily) My whole life, the family has governed everything that has ever happened to me. I'm five years away from realizing my destiny, taking over the family, and I'm still just as much in the dark as I ever was… And I think I accept that. A part of me does. This is my uncle's way. It's different from Grandfather…. And it's different from Stavros. And my way will be different from his. (Alexis crosses to him, quickly)

Alexis: (emphatically) I don't think he'd have it any other way. That's all he's ever really wanted. For you to be as good and as capable a man as you can be. (She reaches out and takes Nikolas' hand) It's the same for me. When I look at you and I think that you are the future of this family, I have a pride in the name "Cassadine" that I never had before. The shadows fall away from it. The pain and the lies and the violence… It's all in the past, Nikolas. (Nikolas' face darkens)

Nik: How can you say that when SHE is here?

Alexis: She holds no power anymore, she's… (Alexis stops dead, realizing what she just said. Nikolas turns and stares hard at the water). I mean, she has no control over the family, not anymore.

Nik: She has enough. She has enough to make us live our lives on guard, to make us miserable if she wants.

Alexis: Yes… I know. (There is a long silence, Alexis aching to reach out of him, while fighting with her loyalty to Stefan. She finally speaks hesitantly) I know you have other concerns. I know… I understand about the woman…

Nik: (clipped) That's over.

Alexis: (pained) I'm sorry, Nikolas.

Nik: (turning to her) You know, don't you? (There is a long silence, Alexis looking at him, while not actually saying the words out loud) Tell me. He knows, doesn't he? And you're not supposed to speak to me about it, right? (She shakes her head sadly)

Alexis: His first priority is always your safety, you have…

Nik: I'll spare you the choice of having to decide whether or not to tell me. She was murdered, Alexis. She died. (Alexis feels tears spring to her eyes immediately at the cold expression on Nikolas' face)

Alexis: I truly am sorry. (Nikolas looks out at the water again).

Nik: I don't know how to be here anymore, Alexis. I don't know… I can't just keep waiting.

Alexis: Let us help you, Nikolas. The family will always be here for you.

Nik: The family is the reason she died.

Alexis: Helena is NOT the same as…

Nik: I know exactly what Helena is. (He continues to stare out at the water, as he speaks in a monotone) She's revealed her true nature again and again. What I question now… (He leaves the sentence unfinished. Alexis, sensing what's going on in his head, clears her throat)

Alexis: Ask for what you want. You know that your uncle will do everything in his power to deliver. (Nikolas nods, distracted)

Nik: I know what I have to do, Alexis. I just don't know how to do it. (He turns to face her) Yet. (Alexis feels a chill go up her spine).

Alexis: Talk to your uncle. Just talk to him. (Out of words, Alexis approaches him and kisses him firmly on both cheeks. She steps back and looks into his eyes again) You'll find the answers you're looking for, I'm sure of it. (Nikolas nods slowly. Alexis, aware that she is late and about to get far more emotional than Nikolas seems to be equipped to handle right now, turns and walks to the launch, leaving Nikolas to his thoughts.)

The Golden Horseshoe Motel.

Emily rolls over, and winces in pain. Right. The ribs. At some point, she's going to stop making that mistake. She settles onto her back and stares up at the stucco designs on the ceiling. After only a few hours, they've become familiar. She groans slightly and closes her eyes, trying to diagnose how she's feeling today. Headache still present, body still aches… Wonderful. She is truly beginning to believe that she is NEVER going to get better.

Emily opens her eyes again and struggles up onto her elbows, taking in the rest of the room. It's dimly lit, the curtains drawn. The door to the bathroom is open slightly. Aside from that, it's empty. She draws in a breath.

Em: (halfheartedly) Lucky? (No answer. She sighs) Of course not. (She falls back onto the bed, faced with the stucco ceiling again. No better. She feels absolutely no better. Not horizontal, at least. She closes her eyes, forcing herself to remember some of that doctor-ese that had been tossed at her before she unceremoniously left the hospital. Something about… A week. They had estimated a week. This would be useful information if she could remember what day of the week it was. The accident had happened Saturday night, that much she could remember. Not one of the more stellar weekends of her life. From that point, she wasn't really sure how much time had passed. It felt like forever. Several days at least. She knew this was her second day here, and there had been one day in the apartment… Add that to the considerably more blurred days in the hospital, and she should be getting close to at least being able see straight.

Since lying on her back feels pretty much the same as it has for the last three days, Emily struggles up to a sitting position, checking if it is any improvement. The room spins around her in a way that has become almost comforting. At least some things can be counted on. She closes her eyes and tries to remember the way the room USED to spin around her, vs. the way it's spinning now. Subtle difference, but there's less swing now. It's more of a general sway. That has to be good. After all, the theory is that she's getting better.

Sliding back to lean on the headboard, Emily conducts a small argument with herself regarding the non-presence of Lucky. It's reasonable that he's not here. After all, she's not exactly scintillating company… all she does is sleep and whine. As much as she's been trying not to, every single thing that has come out of her mouth from yesterday evening on has been three tones higher than her normal speaking voice and has had just the slightest edge of complaint about it. Either that or self-pity. She can't help it. It's easier to concentrate on how hot the room is, or how lumpy the mattress is, than it is to think about what's actually bothering her. If "bothering" is a word she can use to describe the fact that her family is freaking out… and no one freaks out QUITE like the Quartermaines… and her aunt has died. Its like this horrible nightmare that she can put a pin in and forget about as long as she can find something else to focus her mind on.

Shaking off this line of thought, Emily tries to find something else to think about. Something neutral that won't make her any more tense than she already is. The last thing she needs is to bite Lucky's head off when he comes through the door just because he went outside…

Outside… Wow, what a novel idea. Fresh air, a sky overhead… The closest she's come is the few car rides she was conscious for. Lucky's told her she was outside between the car and the room, but she doesn't remember it. The thought of it, the idea that she's out in the country, with a river and trees and fresh air just feet away, that she can't get to is suddenly all consuming. She glances over to the door. It's not that far away. In fact, she hasn't even tried this walking thing since the hospital.

Knowing it's a bad idea, Emily pulls aside the covers on the bed. She takes a deep breath, and painfully swings her legs over the side. She slides down the bed until she finds the floor with her feet, then stops and takes a deep breath. Suddenly she feels incredibly nervous. This could be a really disastrous idea. On the other hand…

She reaches out and grabs the edge of the headboard with one hand, then pulls herself with less effort than she expected, to her feet.

The room sways around her, but the ground beneath her feet feels steady. She takes a deep breath and waits for it to still. It feels like walking on a particularly unstable rope bridge. Every movement seems to making things bob and sway around her. Still, she's on her feet, unassisted, and that's a start. Loosening her white-knuckle grip on the headboard, Emily puts both of her arms out on either side of her, like she was trying to walk a balance beam, and takes a hesitant step forward.

She experiences a feeling of complete euphoria when she redistributes her weight and doesn't go crashing to the floor. A step! An honest to God step! She feels giddy for a moment, then sternly warns herself that she still has half a room to cover. She takes a breath, and tries again, sliding her feet across the floor. It feels unsteady now, insubstantial. She looks down and everything dips suddenly and violently. Giving a slight cry she reaches out and grabs onto the bedside table, stopping herself from going down altogether.

After taking several moments to still the violent beating of her heart, Emily fixes her eyes on the opposite wall. This is all right. Looking down was a mistake, she can see that now. Live and learn. The wall is her friend. It is solid and unmistakable, and while it might spin a little on occasion, it's not going to drop out from under her.

After another substantial pause, Emily takes a decidedly less confident step forward. When it doesn't end in disaster she takes another, and then another. The third one proves to be a bad idea, the room suddenly tipping on her. She waves her arms around, and manages, through some minor miracle, to stay on her feet.

Well. Now HERE is a dilemma. Four or five steps from the bed. Six or seven steps from the chair. Clearly walking is NOT such a hot idea. She can stand, that's wonderful. She can even shuffle, great. But not far, and now she has to sit down again. The problem is, where? Does she attempt to turn around… the very idea making her head swim… or does she brave the distance to the door? She stays in place, arms still out, heart pounding, a slightly sweat suddenly breaking out on her forehead. Any joy this held is now disappearing, and she's feeling helpless and scared. And angry that she's in a position to feel this way about something as dumb as walking across the room.

She's broken out of this mounting panic when the door opens, which startles her, and causing her to loose her balance again. Lucky, equally startled to see her on her feet, reacts quickly, and runs to her, catching her as she stumbles, nearly crashing against the wall.

Lucky: (breathless) Emily!

Em: (shaking her head and griping his arms tightly) Oh my God.

Lucky: What are you trying to do? (Emily shakes her head, feeling stupid)

Em: Isn't that kind of obvious? (Lucky pulls her into a hug, holding her close against him)

Lucky: Why the hell did you try to walk when I wasn't here?

Em: (muffled) Why not? (She leans against him, grateful for the solid support, to be out of that limbo she'd just been struggling with.)

Lucky: Speaking of obvious answers… (He pulls back to look at her) Are you ok?

Em: I'm fine. (She tries to straighten up a bit) I can stand!

Lucky: (hesitantly) Yeah… That's great.

Em: It is to me.

Lucky: I'm not… (He shakes his head. Emily's been more than a little irritable in the last twelve hours, and he doesn't feel like setting her off again). No, that is great. How was the walking?

Em: (heavily) No so hot. I just wanted to make it to the chair. (Lucky's first instinct is to usher her back to bed. However, bed is where she's been spending all her time, and she's clearly not to thrilled with it. Instead her pulls back, his hands on her arms. Emily is a little surprised, but quickly gets her footing) What are you doing? (Satisfied she's on her feet, Lucky takes Emily's hands in his, and holds them firmly).

Lucky: Look… Why don't we try this? (Emily smiles slowly, realizing what he wants her to do).

Em: Yeah, here we go. (She laughs, something she hasn't been doing in the dark mood she's been in) Like when you dance with your father when you're a kid and stand on his feet?

Lucky: Never did that. I danced with my mother, but stepping on her feet was not encouraged. (Emily laughs, which does not lend itself to balance, and falls purposely against him, rather than tip in some other direction)

Em: (ruefully) I think I have to surrender this little dream. For now, at least. (Lucky slides his arms around her waist)

Lucky: What were you trying to do?

Em: Save myself from death through boredom. AND I wanted to breathe something besides "motel air". (Lucky steps back slightly, his hands gripping her waist).

Lucky: Come on. You have four more feet. Keep your hands on my shoulders and forget about everything else. I'll catch you. (Emily smiles at him, cresting another wave of emotion, this time borderline adoration. It's saying a lot when you can feel grateful to be with a guy who has, repeatedly, turned your life upside down. Lucky cocks his head to one side, and smiles at her, and Emily feels her heart melt.) Ready? (She nods, fixing her eyes on the chair by the door instead of trying to see the floor or other pieces of furniture, and allows Lucky to gently lead her over to it. She moves slowly and purposefully, but with minimal dizziness, mostly due to the fact that she feels safe and secure, and doesn't have to worry about maintaining her own balance. Once they reach the chair, Lucky pulls her down onto his lap. The door to the room, which he never had a chance to close, is still slightly open. He leans over and pushes it wide, letting the outside air in. Emily closes her eyes, feeling the breeze on her face. She smiles and curls up against him, lying her hand against his neck, and breathing deeply)

Em: Wow. It's cold.

Lucky: A bit. (Emily shakes her head)

Em: I don't care if it's freezing, I'm just glad to see there still IS an outside. (She lifts her head, and gazes at him, studying his face. Lucky looks at her oddly)

Lucky: What are you doing? (Emily shakes her head, a smile creeping across her face.) What? (She leans in, and meets his lips with her, kissing him gently. Lucky doesn't respond at first, letting her part his lips with hers. Gradually, he lets himself get pulled into the embrace, and soon they're both lost in it, Lucky's hands moving up into her hair. Emily finally pulls back, gasping for breath. She leans back against Lucky's shoulder)

Em: Wow. The swing is back. (Lucky looks down at her) The room. (She gestures a pendulum motion with her hand, and smiles up at him) The earth is moving. But you know… Lately that's not as much of a compliment as it used to be. (Lucky gives a slight, insubstantial, laugh. Emily frowns) Lucky?

Lucky: Look, you should probably get back to bed, this isn't really going to help you get better.

Em: I feel a lot better! Really, Lucky. It makes a difference. (Lucky sighs, deciding that he doesn't want to get into the real reason he thinks she should go back to bed. Her occasional bursts of amorous attention are wearing on him. It's frustrating to be reunited with a girlfriend who has a concussion. Or contusion. Or whatever the correct medical dialogue is. Either way, her physical fragility is slowly driving him insane. He loosens his grip on her).

Lucky: You don't need pneumonia on top of everything.

Em: I'll be fine. (She snuggles closer to him and takes a deep breath of air. It's a distinct smell. Earth and water and sewage. Charming in its way. And particularly fresh, due to the rain that's been drizzling over the past few days. She closes her eyes). Tell me where you went.

Lucky: Running more errands. That's all.

Em: (lightly) What kind of errands?

Lucky: (reaching into his pocket) I had to collect change. (He pulls out a handful of coins) Which is really easy to do in this country. (Emily opens her eyes and looks down at the change)

Em: Wow. (She picks up a dollar coin) I'd forgotten about these.

Lucky: Yeah, they have two-dollar coins now too, but the phones only take these ones.

Em: (distantly) Phones… (She looks at him) Who are you going to call? (Lucky doesn't answer) Oh, right. Nikolas.

Lucky: Yeah.

Em: (slowly) Do you think something would have happened?

Lucky: Uh… I don't know. (Emily sits up, and looks at him critically)

Em: This is the thing we agreed not to get into yesterday, right? (She shakes her head, trying to clear out the cobwebs. This proves to be a bad idea, and she puts a hand to her forehead, closing her eyes). Whoa.

Lucky: You have to stop doing that.

Em: The idea is, at some point, it won't hurt.

Lucky: Give it another couple of days. (Emily opens her eyes, suddenly recalling her earlier debate)

Em: OH! What day is it?

Lucky: Day?

Em: You know, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday…

Lucky: Thursday.

Em: Ok… so… I've been out of commission five days already.

Lucky: Hey, you're getting better.

Em: I don't FEEL any better. I'm really getting sick of this. I mean… There's too much stuff going on, and I don't have a clue… (She sighs) Its just that the longer I have to stay in that bed, the more time I have to think about stuff I don't want to think about.

Lucky: Right. Until I show up and then you can quiz me about the things *I* don't want to think about.

Em: That's the plan. (She looks down at him) Speaking of which… why do you have to call Nikolas today?

Lucky: I'm not sure I'm going to. (Emily looks down at the change Lucky's still holding)

Em: Uh huh.

Lucky: Look, I have to, at some point.

Em: Uh huh.

Lucky: I just wanted to make sure I've got enough change.

Em: Uh huh.

Lucky: Stop that.

Em: What happened when you went back, anyway? Did you guys talk?

Lucky: Sort of.

Em: And?

Lucky: And… What? What can I say? He was… (Lucky shakes his head, not wanting to remember any of that day) It's not important. We talked, yeah, but nothing's different.

Em: I don't know… I've just been thinking… is there a reason we're so close to the border? Like you said, if we had to get back to the states in a hurry? Why would we have to do that? (Lucky doesn't say anything) Ok. I think I get it.

Lucky: Don't.

Em: Fine. I'll just keep my theories to myself. (Lucky doesn't say anything, and Emily lowers her head back onto his shoulder. Several minutes pass)

Lucky: Ok, fine.

Em: What?

Lucky: Your theory?

Em: We have to be able to get back to PC in a hurry in case 1) Nikolas makes some kind of crazy decision you don't like or 2) Helena makes some kind of move against him, and you want to be able to get back there fast and do something about it. (Long silence)

Lucky: Technically, I'm not admitting to any of that.

Em: Not technically.

Lucky: And this is kind of a nice spot.

Em: Yeah… (Another long silence)

Lucky: He wants…He wants her to pay, Emily. But… No one's ever beat her. Not really. I mean, they get rid of her, but it's like… What's that movie? With… the guy no one can ever get rid of.

Em: Nightmare on Elm Street?

Lucky: No, I was thinking of… Friday the Thirteenth.

Em: Halloween…

Lucky: That Ernest guy… (Emily giggles to herself)

Em: I'm sorry. There is just nothing funny about this. (She shakes her head) I'm losing my mind.

Lucky: Well, we all knew that was coming.

Em: (dropping the coin back into his hand) I think you should just call him.

Lucky: (heavily) I'll think about it.

Em: You do that.