Chapter One Hundred Sixty-One:
Ich Bin Dein

Hotel Room, Athens, Greece.

No reaction.

That was not a response Nikolas was used to.

Leaving was a reaction. One he couldn't read, but a reaction, anyway. But… Whatever Lucky had been doing when he'd come back to the compartment… That wasn't anything he knew how to handle. He hadn't been cold, he hadn't been angry, he hadn't been anything. Just matter of fact and quiet. Disembarking the train he had made his exit quickly, leaving Emily and Nikolas to head to the predetermined hotel on their own. Which had been alright in that Emily still didn't appear to be in the mood to kill him.

No, not kill him. Just present him with an impossible question. She would pick this time to start playing Sphinx on him.

“Why did Lucky lie?” It wasn't as if this question hadn't occurred to Nikolas. It had. Almost immediately. It was just that… The answer, any time he started to look at it, held expectations that he couldn't bring himself to invest in.

How could he trust what he thought the answer must be? How was that possible when he knew, powerfully, what he wanted the answer to be?

The answer he wanted was that Sarah had been grievously and impossibly wrong. That Hannah had been right… that Lucky had wanted something from him. Had always wanted something…

But he knew that wasn't true. All Lucky had wanted from him when they had first met, was for him to go away. To blink out of existence. He wished he didn't understand so clearly WHY.

But he did. And for exactly the reason Lucky had insisted he must. Because when he had heard that he was not Stavros' son, his whole world had shifted on it's axis. And if it hadn't immediately been blown apart afterwards, then he would probably have handled it a lot differently. He'd planned to. He's planned to leave all of them and never come back. He'd considered, in the span of a few hours, numerous plans of revenge against his uncle turned father, against Laura, against all of them. Ways to hurt them, cripple them without chance of recovery. He'd nearly had to be brought back to the island bodily that night. And he hadn't planned to stay, beyond telling Stefan to burn in hell and getting whatever he needed in order to just escape, escape anywhere.

And then he'd seen Katherine's body and everything had stopped. Suddenly it all fell away into unimportance. He'd underestimated the cruelty of the universe and leaving became immediately impossible. And the way Stefan had fallen apart… Had that been what he'd claimed? A ruse to trick Helena? OR was it just a way to manipulate him into staying? Had any of it been real? And how the hell is he supposed to trust anything we he can't even answer those most basic of questions?

Nikolas sits forward, his head in his hands, tears threatening. He'd do anything at this moment, ANYTHING, to just have Hannah back for five minutes. Just have someone who would listen to what he said. Without judgment. With the ability to say “Whatever you did, I did worse…”

The tears come and Nikolas doesn't fight them. His head is spinning, his guts tied in knots he can't begin to decipher. He squeezes his eyes shut, his shoulder shaking with sobs, and a thousand images flying past him. Too many years of pain, of being lied to, tortured, and abandoned. And now here he was, again… Alone. As alone as he has ever been, if not more so. With a brother only a few doors away that he can't even bring himself to reach out to, not again. He can't look at the lack of sympathy in Lucky's eyes, the feeling that he deserves this. He deserves to be alone. Lucky was right. He'd set the tone for their relationship, and what right did he have to ask for more than had been offered? To hope for it?

No. Nikolas sits up, wiping away the tears impatiently. What is done, is done. What matters now is what will be done. The fact that Lucky is still here, still willing. And that he knows now, beyond a shadow of a doubt, how far his brother will go.

For Lulu, for Laura… They'll put at end to this. An end to pointless murder and emotional ruin. Cut it off at its source.

He'll kill if he has to.

The Brownstone.

Carly enters using her own key, Michael balanced on her hip, and looks around. Seeing no one, she calls out as she heads into the living room.

Carly: Bobbie? (no answer) Are you around? (She spots a lap top, open on the coffee table, and moves towards it).

Luke: (entering from the kitchen) Right here, darlin'. (Carly jumps, then rolls her head around her neck, gritting her teeth before turning to face him)

Carly: Jesus Christ! What the HELL are you doing here?

Luke: (crossing to the couch) Watch your mouth in front of the little one, girl. (He pushes past her, sitting down at the computer)

Carly: Excuse me, but you should all just be happy I'm not drugging people anymore, ok? And answer my question.

Luke: (hitting a few keys) Your mom had to run some errands. I'm house sitting. (Looks at Michael) Looks like I'm baby-sitting too.

Carly: (one hand on hip) Over my dead body! (Michael occupies himself with a deep study of the computer screen, from a distance.)

Luke: Don't you have an appointment to keep?

Carly: You mean my nefarious plan to harass my ex-husband for no apparent reason? Oh, WAIT. That was YOUR nefarious plan, wasn't it?

Luke: (sitting back) Nefarious… (he looks at her) Good word. A little dramatic, but hey… (He shrugs, turning back to the computer) I can work with that. (Carly opens her mouth to respond, then stops, her attention turning to the computer).

Carly: What are you doing?

Luke: Computer science.

Carly: (long suffering) If only it were that simple. No, really. What are you up to? (Luke looks up at her. He notices Michael's attention, and immediately focuses on the kid, standing up and reaching out for him).

Luke: Hey, Michael? You another Spencer man sucked in by technology? (Moving his hands around the child to take him from Carly) Come take a look. (Carly, feeling Michael being gently pulled from her arms, starts to protest, while refusing to actually *fight* Luke for the child)

Carly: Luke, no… Luke, come on, I… (Luke pulls Michael out of her arms and into his. Michael examines Luke's hair. Carly stamps her foot in frustration) Luke!

Luke: (bouncing him a bit) Hey there, Michael. Remember me?

Michael: (still staring at the hair) Hi.

Luke: Uncle Luke. Not to be confused with Uncle Lucas, ok? (Michael looks down and actually meets Luke's gaze)

Michael: Ok. (He reaches up and runs his hand over Luke's hair, then pulls his hand back, grinning) Scratchy.

Carly: (glowering) What do you think you're doing?

Luke: Male bonding (he sits down with Michael, looks back at the computer screen) Man. This is getting messy.

Carly: Luke, come ON! (Michael looks up at Carly, eyes wide)

Luke: (sing song voice) You're upsetting the little one. (Carly rolls her eyes)

Carly: Give me back my son… Pretty please with sugar on top?

Luke: You sure you wanna go see Junior with this sweet package under your arm?

Carly: Talk about the lesser of two evils! (Luke looks up at her, insulted)

Luke: Excuse me, I have two kids, I know which end to put the food in. (Carly just glares back. He shrugs, turning back to the computer) And your mother isn't going to be that long.

Carly: That is SO beyond not the point.

Luke: What is your point, Caroline.

Carly: My point is, you're bullying me again, and I want you to knock it off!

Luke: (shifting Michael so that the boy is standing on the couch, keeping his balance by holding Luke's shoulder) Bullying. This isn't bullying.

Carly: Oh? What is it?

Luke: Trust me, sweetheart. You'll know it when you see it. (He makes a face at Michael, who laughs in response)

Carly: I really hate this.

Luke: It'll be over in a couple of hours, and this little guy is going to be just fine, trust me.

Carly: Trust you. Right.

Luke: (looking over at her) When have I done you wrong, exactly?

Carly: You threatened to kill me.

Luke: (shrugging) Please. I didn't even make an attempt.

Carly: Excuse me, you scared the LIFE out of me!

Luke: (still focused on Michael, who is now making faces back) Made ya appreciate what you had a little more, didn't I?

Carly: Stop that.

Luke: (crossing his eyes at Michael) What's that?

Carly: THAT! (Michael turns and looks back at her. Luke smiles sweetly. Carly covers her face with her hands) Ok. Ok, fine… (She exhales heavily) Just… Don't move, or anything, ok? Just wait until my mother gets back here to do anything complicated.

Luke: Ye of little faith.

Carly: Faith hasn't gotten me much so far.

Luke: (heavily, finally looking at her) You're getting a bad case of nerves.

Carly: (carefully) I haven't seen AJ in months. I liked it that way.

Luke: I thought you opened the lines of communication.

Carly: Because Lucky asked me to distract him. (Luke frowns) From Emily.

Luke: Right.

Carly: He's totally suspicious of me, you know that.

Luke: Kinda the point.

Carly: Right. That mythical trail you want me to keep them off of.

Luke: It's just a matter of time. And when I got a place to go, I want their eyes to be glued someplace else.

Carly: Fine. Fine, I have no idea how to do that, but sure.

Luke: It'll come to you.

Carly: (after a moment) All right. No point in fighting with you, you always get what you want anyway.

Luke: Imagine how much time we'd all save if everyone would just accept that and move on.

Carly: You'd be bored out of your mind. (She leans down and kisses Michael on his cheek) Ok, Magic Man… I gotta go.

Michael: Ok.

Carly: (looking back at Luke) One hair out of place, I'll hurt you so bad you won't even see it coming. (She gives a slight smile) Do you figure there will come a point when I won't feel like I owe you or something?

Luke: You don't owe me, you owe Lucky. Just collecting on his behalf.

Carly: (turning away) I'm going before I change my mind again. (Luke nods, focusing on Michael. The computer makes a beeping noise. Carly turns back) What was that?

Luke: How should I know? Maybe it ate something it didn't like. (Carly looks at the computer, then back at Luke)

Carly: I'll be back in an hour. Be here.

Luke: You betcha. (Carly turns and walks out. After the door slams, Luke leans forward, a steadying hand on Michael) Ok, kiddo… What have we got here? (He looks at the page, then stops, narrowing his eyes.) What the hell is this?

Hotel Room, Athens.

Emily sits down on the edge of the bed carefully, fingering the room key in her hands. She should just go to sleep. Really. She's feeling sick. Again. When was the last time she felt “well” anyway? Emily closes her eyes, trying to comb back through memories, finding the one where she didn't feel like she was falling apart at the seams. Nothing offers itself. Man, she thinks. I gotta get a new life.

Hearing a sound at the door, Emily leaps up. After a moment she hears a slight knock. Her heart moves into her throat and she crosses the room quickly, stopping at the door.

Em: Who's there?

Lucky: Me. Open up. (Emily breathes a sigh of relief and pulls the door open. She immediately pulls Lucky into a hug. He holds her, though not nearly as tightly as she's holding him. Emily loosens her grip and turns from the door, walking across the room, pulling her hair back from her face and lacing her fingers around the back of her neck.)

Em: I didn't think you'd be so long. (Lucky pulls the door closed behind him, glancing around the hotel room. It's eerily similar to the one in New York, same love affair with beige. But this time, there is only one window, and the total space is less impressive. He turns his attention back to Emily, who is standing a few feet away, her hands still around the back of her neck, elbows pointed forward.)

Lucky: (carefully) Yeah, sorry… Took longer than I thought. (Emily nods, pressing her lips together, eyes closed. Lucky takes a step towards her and stops). How are you feeling? (His voice is barely audible. Emily drops her hands and turns around. Her heart is still beating quicker than she'd like. She wishes she could shake the feeling that Helena is going to find them again. She clears her throat).

Em: I… I'm fine, Lucky. (He narrows her eyes at her, concerned) Really. There's nothing wrong with me. (Lucky watches her a moment, then crosses to her slowly)

Lucky: You know I'm trying, right?

Em: I know. (she feels oddly nervous as he approaches her. She's not sure, but something feels off to her. He seems too focused, too quiet. He smiles at her gently. She searches his eyes for some sort of clue as to his disposition, but there's no hint.)

Lucky: (taking her hand) I had to get something. (Emily tense, looking at him suspiciously)

Em: What? (He leans in and kisses her softly. Emily still refuses to calm).

Lucky: Sit down.

Em: (uncertain) Lucky… (He smiles at her again. It's an almost classic Lucky- smile, one that always barrels through her defenses. She feels herself soften)

Lucky: Humor me, ok? Come on.

Em: You're being too nice to me. Is this going to turn out to be a dead snake or something?

Lucky: (confused) A dead snake? No. That's your area of expertise. (Emily makes a face.) Come on. Trust me a minute.

Em: I do trust you. I just don't trust anything else right now.

Lucky: (pulling her over to the bed) Give me two minutes. Ok? (Emily follows, aware that she's being a complete freak of nature. She just has absolutely no faith in anything right now. She wouldn't be surprised if Lucky's eyes started to glow red, or if he turned out to be a robot or something. The fact that she doesn't seem even the slightest bit stressed is making her incredibly scared. He sits down on the edge of the bed and she follows suit)

Em: Where'd you go, Lucky? For real.

Lucky: I told you, I had an errand. (she looks at him questioning and Lucky sighs) and I had… I had to walk or something. I just… Needed a minute.

Em: I know something must have happened with you and… (She takes a breath before pushing on) Nikolas.

Lucky: Yeah. Well… Nothing earth shattering. (He shakes his head. Nothing that changes anything, he tells himself. The words feel hollow. Like they should mean more than they do. Unconvincing. He can feel something in him shifting. He doesn't even know how to explain it. He closes his eyes a moment. Just words… His brain won't follow the line of thought any further and he opens them again and looks back at Emily.) Don't you want to know what I got?

Em: What? (Lucky reaches into his pocket and removes a small brown bag. He tosses it to her. Emily looks at him oddly, then opens the bag and looks in. She stares at the contents a long moment, before looking back at him) Oh.

Lucky: This was the best time to take care of it. (Emily nods a moment, then looks back into the bag)

Em: Yeah. I guess so. (Lucky, realizing she isn't going to take it out of the bag, takes the bag from her and pulls the ring out. It's a simple gold wedding band, with a white tag still tied to it with a piece of string. Lucky breaks the string off and holds it out to her, placing it in her palm. Emily stares at it a long moment, then picks it up, rolling it between her fingers) I'd forgotten… (she studies it, turning it over in her hand)

Lucky: (uncomfortable) I got it in a pawnshop.

Em: This was one of your errands?

Lucky: It was THE errand. (Emily looks up at him)

Em: You didn't need to do this.

Lucky: We talked about it… we agreed… right?

Em: I mean… Right after we got off the train, you didn't… (She stops and takes a breath. Right. Nikolas. She looks back at it) It has an inscription. (Emily tips the ring to read it.) Ich Bin Dein… (Emily feels a chill. A pawn shop… Guess this is one marriage that went south. She looks up at Lucky) What does that mean? (Lucky shrugs.)

Lucky: It's German.

Em: I know. Do you know what it means? (Lucky nods after a moment) Let me guess, you lived in Germany, right?

Lucky: Austria.

Em: Oh. (She looks at him a long moment) So what does it mean?

Lucky: It's just a ring, it looked the right size…

Em: Just tell me.

Lucky: (heavily) You probably don't want to know. (Emily continues to look at him. He shifts, looking back at her hand) I am yours. (Emily feels a tingling sensation shoot through her. She stares at him. Something about the way he said that makes it sound like it there's more to that.)

Em: Is that why you chose that one? (Lucky sits, staring at the floor for a long moment, then turns back to her)

Lucky: Ok. Uh… There's this poem… (He lets his voice trail off. He wasn't going to mention this. It's a crazy poem, he doesn't even want to admit to the fact that it reminded him of her. Emily is still staring at him, her eyes wide)

Em: (a bit high pitched) A poem? (Lucky nods, then looks back at her)

Lucky: Yeah. I learned it when I was living there… from my mom. (Emily nods slowly. She swallows hard)

Em: What is it?

Lucky: Don't laugh. My pronunciation's awful. (Emily smiles)

Em: Like I would know.

Lucky: Ok, fine… Here goes. (He takes a deep breath) Du bist mein. Ich bin Dein. Das sollst du gewiss Sein… Du bist verschlossen… In meinem Herzen… (He stops, laughing slightly. Emily smiles at him, trying not to let tears well) Verloren ist das schlusselein. Du musst immer drinnen sein.

Em: Do you know what it means? (Lucky nods) Well?

Lucky: You don't want to know.

Em: Of COURSE I want to know.

Lucky: (firmly) No, you don't. Trust me.

Em: Lucky! (Lucky sighs. Clearly he's not going to get away with this)

Lucky: (cringing) Fine… “You are mine… I am yours. You must know that for certain. (He stops, takes a breath and continues) You are locked in my heart. The key is lost… (He stares at her a long moment, feeling himself get swallowed up by her gaze. His voice drops, barely above a whisper). You will always have to stay inside it… Forever. (Emily stares back at him, not blinking, not moving, deeply touched)

Em: Wow. (Lucky turns away, breaking the spell, and shaking it off of him)

Lucky: See? It's possessive, it's kinda creepy.

Em: No…

Lucky: (looking back at her) I don't want to own you, Em.

Em: I know.

Lucky: (pained) I just… (the words suddenly rip out of him, coming with an alarming speed) I love you. I love you in a way that doesn't even make sense. 'Cause I know I can't leave you, even if I thought it was the best thing I could do…

Em: Lucky…

Lucky: And… I want to make promises to you that I know I can't keep. And I want to believe in them anyway. It's just something I know, Emily… I know it every time I look at you. Even if I forget to say it, even if I try not to focus on it, because it's so… Big. I don't how… (He closes his eyes a moment, trying to make this more linear. He opens them again and looks at her) I can't imagine not loving you. I just… That's why, that's why that poem… (He stops, shaking his head) I'm not explaining this well.

Em: I think you're doing just fine.

Lucky: (meeting her eyes) I just know you're part of me. You're fingerprints are all over me, I am who I am because of you… as much as anyone else. No one else ever got in this far, Emily… And I know I try to shut you out, but it's just… Sometimes whatever is in me feels like… It has to stay there. Like it'll hurt you too much if I let it out. (Emily shakes her head)

Em: No. It's the opposite, Lucky! It's when you hold stuff in that I get hurt, don't you understand that?

Lucky: I'm trying. It's not easy. (Emily looks away)

Em: (sadly) You never used to confuse me this much.

Lucky: I know. (There's a long pause) I'm ok, Emily. I really am. (Emily looks back at him, appraising him)

Em: You are.

Lucky: Yeah. (she looks troubled)

Em: It scares me… That you never talk anymore.

Lucky: (closing his eyes, a little pleading) I'm trying.

Em: I know. I guess I know. Or that's what I want to believe… (she stops, leaning forward and burying her head against his chest) AAAH! (she pulls back looking up at him) See? I don't know how to be reasonable or understanding anymore, everything gets all jumbled up in my head and…

Lucky: Shhh… (Lucky smoothes her hair) It's ok. It's really ok.

Em: (closing her eyes, a whisper) Don't make me ask. Please? Just once don't make me ask. (Lucky winces, then takes her face in his hands, forcing her to look at him. She opens her eyes)

Lucky: (evenly) I just love you, Emily. That's all this is about. I swear to you.

Em: (pulling back) And you're coming to this realization because…? (Lucky gazes at her. After a moment he leans in, gently brushing his lips against hers. Emily closes her eyes, parting her lisp slightly. Lucky pulls back and bushing her hair back behind her shoulders. He leans in again and kisses her against, softly and achingly slow. Emily feels her heart begin to race. She reaches up, cupping his cheek in her hand. After a moment, Lucky pulls back and looks at her.)

Lucky: (quiet, but firm) I don't want to be a part of your definition of hell. (Emily stares at him, her mouth opening, but no sound comes out. She struggles to find something to say, but fails. Lucky leans in again, kissing her lower lip in the same maddeningly soft way. Emily closes her eyes, feeling weak, as he continues to kiss her, moving from her lips to her neck. She feels like she's turning to liquid, a suspicion intensified as she feels tears begin to slide down her cheeks. She gasps for air suddenly, the words she couldn't find rushing forth.)

Em: You aren't. You aren't, I swear. (She pulls back from him, grabbing his hand and meeting his eyes) I can't even tell you how you make me feel. I just know I never want it to go away. Even when I know you're hurting… And I do ache for you, Lucky. You'll never know how much. (She sucks in another breath of air, her voice shaking hard, tears still streaming down her cheeks) I don't want to stop feeling this way. I need it, I need to care about someone this much. I need to care about YOU this much. It's not hell. No one has ever made me happier… made me feel more important… (she shakes her head, her voice cracking) And I know this isn't forever. I just know it in my heart… One day, this will end. Somehow, you'll make peace with it.

Lucky: I believe it when I hear you say it.

Em: Just… Don't be afraid. Please. (She moves closer, wrapping her arms around him and holding him as tightly as she can manage, sliding up onto his lap) Don't give up on yourself. Let yourself do with you have to. (Lucky closes his eyes tightly holding her against him. After a moment, she pulls back, shaking, and opens her hand, which has been in a tight fits, displaying the ring to him. Her voice quakes) This is stupid, but… Would you put this on me? (Lucky nods silently, taking is from her. He takes her other hand, the left one, and slides the ring onto her finger. They both stare at it a moment. Lucky looks back up at her. Emily smiles unsteady) Ich bin dein. (Lucky closes his eyes. Emily tips his head up to her and gently showers kisses over his face. Lucky suddenly slides his hand around her neck, pulling her mouth over to his, and kisses her deeply. Emily shifts, putting her hands on his shoulders and pushes him down onto the bed, letting herself get lost with him, again.)