Chapter Thirty-Three:
Should I Stay or Should I Go?

Hannah's apartment.

Hannah is now showered and changed, sitting in the living room, awaiting execution. She's weighed her options over and over again, and as much as she hates her choices, she's finding herself following Lucky's instructions because 1) she legitimately fears some of what he had to say and 2) she saw more than a flicker of humanity. That's nothing she can claim of her minimal contact with Helena Cassadine. Whatever he said, however threatening he came across, it's obvious that both Emily and Nikolas are something of an Achilles heel. That's something they have in common, at least. There's a knock at the door and Hannah sits up with a start. The knock comes again, and she starts, hesitantly, towards the door.

Nik: (through the door) Hannah! (Hannah breathes a sigh of relief and moves rapidly to the door, throwing it open. Nikolas stands in front of her, looking about as tense as he did when he left the apartments. She finds herself feeling grateful to see him again, and tries to calm those feelings). You came back.

Nik: I said I was going to.

Hannah: I just thought.... (she shakes her head) I don't know what I thought. (She steps aside and lets him in the apartment. He passes her, noting that this is the first time she hasn't left him to close the door. He turns back to her, and watches her shut the door firmly. She locks the door, remembering Lucky's warnings about bugs. Well, if the apartment is wired for sound, then she's already in as much trouble as she could possibly get into. She takes a deep breath, and turns to face him, the weight of the world on her shoulders).

Nik: So.

Hannah: So. (They look at each other and are simultaneously struck by a feeling of awkwardness. Things ended so abruptly this morning, and this is the first time they've really faced each other in the light of day. Hannah leans back against the door and bites her lip). Look...

Nik: (laughing slightly) I don't want to hear any prepared speeches.

Hannah: (heavily) I don't even know where to start.

Nik: Let me then. I meant what I said last night. I'm not going to ask you any questions. You've got a secret. I knew that going in. I'm willing to wait until you're ready to tell me.

Hannah: (stressed) I don't know if that's ever going to happen, Nikolas

Nik: (quietly) Well. That's already more honest than I get from anyone else in my life. (Hannah frowns)

Hannah: God. I really don't know anything about you.

Nik: What do you want to know? (Hannah considers this for a moment)

Hannah: I don't know. (she covers her face with her hands) This is the first time I've gone to bed with someone without even knowing where they live.

Nik: I can fix that.

Hannah: I'm not sure I want you to.

Nik: (expecting this) You do have a prepared speech, don't you?

Hannah: No. But I feel like I should.

Nik: Why?

Hannah: (launching into a prepared speech) I just don't feel like I have room in my life for this.... Whatever this is. I've had a lot of stuff change on me very quickly, and...

Nik: I don't care.

Hannah: I do.

Nik: Do you regret what happened last night?

Hannah: (blushing) No. That's not it. (she turns away from him, angry at the flush that's come over her. There's something about him that makes her feel completely exposed all the time. It's incredibly unnerving). I don't regret it....

Nik: You just think it shouldn't happen again.

Hannah: (quietly) Yes.

Nik: That wasn't what you said last night.

Hannah: Well, last night was a long time ago.

Nik: (darkly) Does this have anything to do with Lucky?

Hannah; (flustered) Why would this have anything to do with Lucky?

Nik: That's what I'm trying to figure out.

Hannah: I wasn't thinking straight last night! You confused me. (Nikolas reaches out and grabs her arm, pulling her close to him)

Nik: What's so confusing about this?

Hannah: (barely audible) Everything.

Nik: (very softly) It doesn't have to be. I want to spend time with you, Hannah. Not just to make love to you... (Hannah feels a chill run through her) Although, that's part of it. But to know you. To know your heart and soul, not just some random fact, like your phone number. (Hannah suddenly laughs)

Hannah: Where did you come from? (she looks up into his eyes in amazement) You're incomprehensible to me. That anyone on this earth could think the way you do.

Nik: I just don't see why we have to be anything other than what we are. Right now, in this room, there's more potential than I've ever felt in my life. Even though you're trying to dump me.

Hannah: You're not making it very easy.

Nik: That's the general idea.

Hannah: (Leaning against him) Why can't I do this? Why the hell can't I just walk away from you?

Nik: For the same reason I can't turn away from you. (He holds her tightly against him. She lets herself stay in this moment, allowing Nikolas to be the one to break it for once) Is Lucky going to be a problem?

Hannah: (warily) Why? What are you going to do?

Nik: I need to know the answer to that question before I answer that.

Hannah: Lucky... he and I are having a misunderstanding. (she frowns at the lie, unable to come up with anything else) It's going to work out, I think. (She looks up at him) You guys really scared me this morning. I thought ... I thought I was going to see some of that brutal carnage you were talking about.

Nik: (stiffly) This is a topic I can do without.

Hannah: All right. (She rubs his chest with her hand) I think I understand the two of you a lot better than I did before, though.

Nik: You seemed to understand something before that.

Hannah: (ruefully) I think I'm just beginning to figure out who Lucky really is.

Nik: Yeah, well if you ever figure it out, let me know.

Hannah: He was really upset about that, this morning.

Nik: What?

Hannah: About... I don't know what it was, but something you said really got to him. (Nikolas pulls away from her, uncomfortably)

Nik: Yeah, people keep telling me that. And I keep trying to see it. But I never have.

Hannah: You will when he wants you to. (Nikolas turns back to her, looking suddenly vulnerable)

Nik: I won't hold my breath. (Hannah looks down at the carpet and reflects on her situation. For some reason, in Nik's company, she feels safe. The double threat of Lucky Spencer and Helena Cassadine seems distant. She looks back up at him and smiles weakly)

Hannah: I can't believe this. I can't believe we're doing this. (Nikolas walks back over to her)

Nik: So we are going to do this, then?

Hannah: Whatever this is, yes. I think we're doing this. I don't know how to stop it. (she laughs bitterly) God knows, I've tried. (Nikolas searches her face with his eyes)

Nik: I won't hurt you Hannah. (Hannah's eyes fill immediately with tears and she wraps her arms around him, pressing against him)

Hannah: (hoarsely) That's not what I'm worried about. (Nikolas pulls back and cups her face in his hands, kissing the tears from her eyes. This gesture does nothing to calm Hannah down, and tears begin to stream down her face. He brushes his lips gently against hers, and she moves in to kiss him firmly, pulling him into her.)

Jason's Penthouse

Emily comes through the door, with her school bag slung over one shoulder. A day back and she's already feeling drained. Well. Sleep deprivation, as she proved last semester, will do that to you. She dumps the backpack on the chair and stands alone in the living room. She doesn't know what to do with herself. She sinks into the sofa, pulling her knees up under her chin. She can feel the beginnings of a headache coming on. It's been festering since lunch, when she had to make it through yet another high school conference of the inane. On some psychic level her friends -- that is, the people she hung out with at school -- must have sensed her fight with Lucky, because she had been assaulted by questions about him. They were innocuous enough, but she hadn't felt like talking about him. She is beginning to feel extremely put out by this, as the door opens, and Renaldo sticks his head in.

Ren: Lucky Spencer. (Emily puts her head down, and nods slightly. She hears the door shut, and then complete silence. She takes a deep breath and sits up, turning to see Lucky, who is looking at her like she's an apparition. She blinks at him.)

Em: Hi.

Lucky: Hey. (The look at each other both immediately sensing something is "off" with the other. Emily clears her throat)

Em; Jason's not here.

Lucky: I'm not here to see Jason. (Em's mildly relieved at this, but doesn't show it. She turns away from him, and studies the wall in front of her. Lucky watches her, realizing she's still upset about the night before. He doesn't think he has it in him to deal with this right now. He's been to the club working until the afternoon bartender got there and then the library again, and his head is spinning. He's become very aware of the fact that he hasn't slept in thirty-five hours. He walks over to the couch and sits down on the arm next to her) Is there any point in talking about this right now?

Em: I don't have anything to say. (Lucky reaches out and very lightly brushes a lock of hair away from her face. Emily flinches, a reaction Lucky is not accustomed to. He turns away from her, stung. She wraps her arms around herself protectively. She doesn't know why she's acting like this, trying to hurt him. It's not a mood she can shake off, though).

Lucky: Look, do you want me to leave?

Em: I'm still digesting this, Ok? You're going to have to give me some time. (Lucky, feeling irritable in response to her behavior, refuses to give this consideration)

Lucky: Digesting what?

Em: (frustrated) what do you think?

Lucky: I don't feel like playing games, Em.

Em: (annoyed) I'm not trying to play games.

Lucky: Then what are you trying to do? Communicate?

Em: Never mind.

Lucky: I hate it when you do this.

Em: Do what?

Lucky: Forget it. (HE stands up and heads for the door, the expectation being that she'll stop him. When she doesn't, he turns back, getting legitimately concerned) Emily, what is going on here?

Em: I'm ... (realization) I'm angry! I'm really really angry. At you, at Jason, at EVERYTHING for making this happen. I know there's no point to it, but it's how I'm feeling. And I'm scared, and I'm stressed and I go to school, and all people want to talk about is stupid stuff like the prom, like that matters, like you can dress up in expensive clothes and pin flowers on each other and everything just disappears.

Lucky: The prom...

Em: (bitterly) 'Tis the season. (Lucky still feels mildly guilty about their attempt to go to his prom, It wasn't exactly a dream evening)

Lucky: Do you... do you want to go?

Em: (laughing) I'm not going to put you through that again. (Lucky begins to feel sick)

Lucky: Emily... is this what you meant about a "normal" boyfriend?

Em: NO! No, absolutely not! I can't make myself care about stuff kids my age are supposed to care about. I guess that's part of why we're together. Any time we try to act like teenagers... (she stops and takes a much needed breath) Ok, most times we try to do teenager stuff, it just feels wrong. It feels forced. Like your prom, the best thing we did at that thing was leave after the first dance! (she shakes her head) It's suddenly all everyone wants to talk about. What are you going to wear? What's your boyfriend going to wear -- it's three months away! (she stops and bites her lip, attempting to calm down) I don't belong here anymore. And neither do you. (She looks at him, feeling tears come into her eyes) I used to think that wherever happened, wherever it was we belonged, we'd find it together. (those words hit Lucky full force)

Lucky: What are you saying, Emily?

Em: I don't know.

Lucky: Emily, don't do this.

Em: I'm not doing anything.

Lucky: We are going to get through this.

Em: What about this Hannah thing? Is it over? (Lucky looks away. He tries to think of an acceptable answer)

Lucky: (quietly) No. Not yet.

Em: And Jason?

Lucky: It's a one shot deal.

Em: No, it's not. Maybe you can't see that right now, but it's never going to be over with you.

Lucky: Emily. Whatever it is you're thinking, we'll fix it.

Em: I don't know if that's possible.

Lucky: You're not-- (he swallows hard) Where is this coming from? What happened?

Em: That's just it, Lucky, nothing happened. I just feel... I'm so tired and stressed out and I don't know how I feel about anything. Look at my life right now! I don't even live anywhere, I'm sleeping on my brother's couch. (Lucky slides down onto the couch next to her, the wind knocked out of him. He didn't see this coming. He'd thought she'd accepted it. He can't even begin to figure out why he was here -- the reason no longer seems important)

Lucky: Don't tell me I'm loosing you, Emily. I can't do it. (Emily lowers her head)

Em: (tightly) Neither can I. I just... I need time to figure out how to deal with this. I feel like I can't breathe right now. And You're not helping. (Lucky stands up. He feels like he's being strangled, and he just can't handle it right now -- too much has happened).

Lucky: I... Fine. You know where to find me. (He turns and walks out the door, leaving it for Renaldo to close. He passes by the elevator, not wanting to stay in anyone's company even long enough to wait for the car, and opens the door to the stairwell)