Chapter Fourty:
Losing It

Luke's club

Hannah is finishing the last note of the last song of the last set when she notices Lucky come into the club. From the stage, she can see his every move. He's dripping wet from rain, and gives only the most cursory of glances towards her before heading over to his father. He leans across the bar talking to his Dad in a confidential manner that makes her stomach twist. She mumbles her thanks to the crowd, and replaces the mike in the stand. She studies Luke's face as he listens to Lucky. It's unreadable. Lucky suddenly pushes back from the bar, dodging Luke's hand which catches his hair, messing it lightly. She breathes a sigh of relief and steps off the stage. Lucky rakes his hands through his hair and turns towards the door. Hannah alters her path and follows him out of the club. Outside it is raining, hard rain that bounces back off the pavement. She squints through the water already running into her eyes, and spots Lucky at the bottom of the stairs heading up to his apartment, watching her. She starts over to him, her legs suddenly feeling weak.

Hannah: Lucky! (She realizes that she's calling out to him like he's going to take off on her, even though he's not moving. He stands still, impervious to the falling rain, waiting for her to reach him.) Have you seen her? (Lucky shakes his head. Hannah folds her arms across her, hunching her shoulders against the rain. It doesn't matter. She's already soaked, and Lucky is obviously beyond caring) Have you talked to her?

Lucky: No.

Hannah: Do you have any idea--

Lucky: I thought you didn't care, Hannah.

Hannah: (muttering) Give me a break, Ok? Just ---

Lucky: What?

Hannah: I did the best I could! How the hell can there be any right way to tell anyone something like that?

Lucky: There isn't.

Hannah: Then why the hell are you acting like I did something wrong.

Lucky: That's not what I'm doing.

Hannah: Yes, it is.

Lucky: Why do you care, Hannah? You want comfort? Run off to Nikky. I've got previous commitments.

Hannah: Lucky! (Lucky stops, at the note of desperation in her voice)

Lucky: What? (Hannah stops, realizing he's giving her a chance. She takes a deep breath)

Hannah: I didn't want any of this to happen. You have to understand that. I never wanted to even come back to the states, ever.

Lucky: I wouldn't tell Emily that.

Hannah: Lucky, I don't know what to do! I don't know how to talk to her, I don't even know if she'll want me to talk to her! You have to give me a clue here. (Lucky turns to face her)

Lucky: What I have to do is FIND her. This isn't the biggest place in the world, you know? It's been NINE hours since she took off. She's not at home, she's not at her brother's -- I've checked the restaurants, the libraries, the park, the docks -- she's not ANYWHERE. So you'll excuse me if I don't have time to worry about what YOU are going to do, Ok?

Hannah: Do you think she's --

Lucky: Don't. I can't think about that right now.

Hannah: Well, look. You know her, I don't. I don't even know what to worry about!

Lucky: I thought you didn't care about people, Hannah. Wasn't that the speech?

Hannah: STOP IT! Stop treating me like this! Lucky, you're the only person in the world who knows the whole stupid story! Every god damned thing I did, you know, and you treat me like I'm beyond contempt. Then you expect me to just roll over and do whatever you tell me to.

Lucky: I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS! Look, I'm going up to my apartment, and I'm going to see if she called my answering machine for some reason. If she didn't, then I'm right back where I started. If you want to take your frustrations out on me, fine, but wait until I know she's safe.

Hannah: (stricken) She wouldn't do anything stupid.

Lucky: (muttering as he heads up the stairs) She has a history of making strange choices when she's upset. Not that you'd know anything about that. (Hannah starts up the stairs after him)

Hannah: Look, Lucky. You made me do this

Lucky: (viciously) I'm getting really sick of hearing about you, Auntie Corey.

Hannah: Fine. Judge me all you want. But you made me get involved in this, you can't just shut me out now.

Lucky: Watch me. (He pushes open the door to the upstairs, Hannah following close behind)

Hannah: You really think I'm the antichrist, don't you. (Lucky unlocks his door, entering in front of her)

Lucky: (bored) No, Hannah. I think you're self-involved, thoughtless, and probably a complete narcissist, but that's about it.

Hannah: (deadly quiet) What?

Lucky: (hitting the button on his answering machine, which is thankfully blinking) You heard me. (The machine rewinds)

Hannah: Exactly WHO gives you the right to pass judgment on me?

Lucky: It's called freedom of thought. Besides, you've done nothing to prove me wrong. You got up there and sang your little heart out tonight -- (Lucky is cut off by the message on the machine)

Lulu: (tentatively) Hi, Lucky. I just wanted to talk to you, 'cause I think that maybe Foster misses you. (Lucky hits the off button on the machine quickly, startling Hannah).

Hannah: Who was that?

Lucky: (dryly) You and Nik are pretty tight, huh?

Hannah: What?

Lucky: Excuse me (he pushes past her, heading out into the hall again. Hannah groans and follows him)

Hannah: Look, you self-righteous little twit! (Lucky stops on the stairs and turns to face her. He'd find some amusement in that if he wasn't soaked to the skin and feeling sick about Emily.) I had a job to do. And it's not like I have a choice! You say "jump", I say "how high", right? You say "act like nothing's wrong" then THAT'S WHAT I DO! Don't EVER presume to know what I'm thinking, all right?

Lucky: (turning back to walk down the stairs) I have to go.

Hannah: Where? You said yourself she's not any of the places you expected to find her!

Lucky: So I look again.

Hannah: Want some help? (Lucky freezes, then turns slowly at the bottom of the stairs to look up at her.)

Lucky: (quietly) What?

Hannah: Look, it's another pair of eyes, Ok? And I don't want her to get hurt. Especially because of me.

Lucky: Ok. Answer this -- What's your investment here?

Hannah: Investment?

Lucky: I find her, let's say -- and for some reason she WANTS to see you again. Then what?

Hannah: I ... I guess I see her again. I mean, that's what you'd want me to do, right?

Lucky: The last thing she needs is some so-called "relative" who is cold and distant. She's got a family. If you're going to reject her in any way, tell me now.

Hannah: (surprisingly emphatic) No. If she'll see me, I'll see her.

Lucky; What if she wants to talk about Paige.

Hannah: (tightly) I'll do what she wants, all right? She's my sister's child, no matter what. I thought that the best thing to do was conceal my connection to her. That's the only reason I tried to stay away from her. And I still don't know if getting to know her is a good thing for her --

Lucky: That's for her to decide.

Hannah: What about Helena? I mean, don't you think she'll use Emily against me?

Lucky: Hannah, she already knows about Emily. No one, not even someone who has Satan himself on her side, is that lucky.

Hannah: Ok. So where does that leave us?

Lucky: Go get out of the rain.

Hannah: That's it?

Lucky: 555-7243.

Hannah: What?

Lucky: My cell phone. Call it, I'll tell you what's up. (He turns and walks across the parking lot towards his car, leaving a stunned Hannah in the rain.)

Nikolas's Apartment.

Nikolas is sitting at a desk in the corner of the room, weeding through mundane school papers, a fire burning in the fireplace. There is a knock at the door. He looks at it and frowns. Again, no warning from the doorman. He gets up and crosses to the door, and opens the door. Hannah stands on his doorstep, dripping wet from the rain.

Hannah: I wasn't sure you'd still be up.

Nik: I'm a Cassadine. We're nocturnal.

Hannah: I need... (she stops and shakes her head) I need you tonight, Nikolas. (Nikolas stares at her. He nods silently, and pulls her into the apartment. She peels off coat. Her hair falls in wet strips, slick against her neck and shoulders. Nikolas watches her and she turns back to face him.) I had to sing tonight... (he voice catches) I don't even remember it. The whole evening's just a big blur.

Nik: Are you all right. (Hannah chokes, and puts her hands across her stomach, shaking her head violently)

Hannah: NO! No, I'm not all right. I'm ... thisclose to just falling apart completely. But thanks for asking. (Nikolas takes a tentative step towards her)

Nik: (gently) What do you want? (Hannah looks up at him, eyes wide. She lets go, and begins to cry, gasping for air)

Hannah: I don't know. (Nikolas crosses to her and wraps his arms around her, cradling her head against him. Hannah lets herself cry against him) I didn't want this to happen. (Nikolas's face betrays both his confusion and empathy to see her in so much pain. He doesn't say anything) I wanted to be able to handle it. (she pushes away from him violently) Why the hell can't I just handle it! Why do I have to get you involved?

Nik: Hannah.... What happened.

Hannah: (helplessly) You know that there are things you don't know about me, Nikolas. I never pretended that there weren't. And I need something... I don't know how to do this alone! I've never been able to deal with people. I can handle any job, anywhere. I can blend into other cultures, as long as I can keep to myself. But I can't do this!

Nik: For God's sake, Hannah! Just tell me.

Hannah: I've lied to you so many times, I can't even remember anymore. And I just can't do it anymore. I didn't want to care about you, I didn't want you to get to me , but you have. (Nikolas stares at her, in shock)

Nik: Whatever it is, Hannah... you can tell me. (Hannah shakes her head)

Hannah: I don't know if I can. (Nikolas pulls her back into his arms)

Nik: Then I'll wait until you can.

Hannah: (pulling away violently) Why do you keep doing this? I know you're not this naive! How can you keep holding me when you know what I'm doing?

Nik: Because I know you don't want to. And even if you think you're going to keep lying to me -- you're not. I know liars, Hannah. And you don't have the stomach for it.

Hannah: (distantly) I've been lying all my life.

Nik: Not to me. (Hannah look up at him in amazement)

Hannah; (whisper) I'm going to annihilate you.... (Nikolas is momentarily distressed by this comment. He quickly pushes it away).

Nik: Many have tired, few have succeeded. (He steps towards her) Did you come her tonight to hurt me?

Hannah: Of course not.

Nik: What do you want?

Hannah: (suddenly burying herself in his chest) I don't want to think anymore. I don't want to be scared, or feel guilty or have this ACHE all through me. I can't do it! It's just too much. (Nikolas silently lifts her chin, and lowers his head to kiss her sweetly. She melt against him, pulling herself as close as she can. Nikolas pulls back)

Nik: Did that help.

Hannah: (hoarsely) More than you'll ever know. (Her eyes fill with tears again) I don't deserve you.

Nik: I don't care. I don't care what you did, Hannah. I know you, somehow -- I know what you're capable of, and I can accept all of it. (Hannah shakes her head, but Nikolas pulls her into another kiss).

Hannah: (losing resistance) You can't keep solving our problems this way....

Nik: Watch me.

Luke's Club, the parking lot.

Lucky pulls up and parks his car haphazardly in the deserted lot. He leans against the steering wheel, his head spinning. Two more hours, no Emily. He's at a complete loss. There is literally no where else to go. He opens the door and gets out of the car, walking numbly towards the stairs. He mounts them slowly, going over and over the days events in his mind. He lost control of this somehow. He's not going to let it happen again. He pulls open the door to the second floor, and nearly drops with shock. Emily sit sitting, curled up, in front of his door. She is soaked to the skin, and is shivering slightly.

Lucky: Emily! (Emily starts, and looks over at him.)

Em: (hollowly) I've been waiting for you for an hour and a half.

Lucky: I was looking for you! Jesus, Em. I've been everywhere, where the hell were you?

Em: Don't yell at me.

Lucky: I'm not. I'm not, just tell me... (he sighs) Never mind, I don't care. (He closes the door behind him, shutting out the weather.) How are you?

Em: (without emotion) Ok.

Lucky: Em. (Emily closes her eyes and leans back against the door) Please tell me you weren't out in the rain all night.

Em: You know you're in trouble when... Lucky Spencer gives you advice on your health.

Lucky: (starting towards her) Emily.

Em: How could you do that to me, Lucky? (Lucky freezes. He swallows hard) I mean, with no warning?

Lucky: Emily, I tried to figure out the best way to tell you -- and I thought it was better coming from Hannah.

Em; (sharply) That's not her name!

Lucky: I know.

Em: How long have you known?

Lucky: Remember that all-nighter I pulled last week?

Em: I thought that's what it was.

Lucky: I'm sorry Emily. I didn't know how to handle it.

Em: So you just let her ambush me? I mean -- (Emily fights back tears of anger) I don't even know her. And she's saying to me, "I'm Corey". That doesn't mean anything! How can she expect me to care after she just disappeared, without a thought -- forget about ME, she never once cared about my Mom, about what she went through! (She lets out a strangled sob. Lucky watches her, helplessly. She looks) Why are you still standing there? (Lucky looks at her confused. Emily forces herself to stand up. Her movements are decidedly unsteady. Lucky moves instinctively towards her, and she falls, purposely against him.) All I want you to do is hold me, Lucky. Please. (Lucky pulls her tightly against, him, feeling stupid)

Lucky: I'm sorry, Emily. I'm sorry, I should have handled this better. (He presses his lips against her temple, then pulls back, putting his hands on her shoulders, so that he can look her in the eyes) Emily. (Emily looks away) Em, you're really warm.

Em: (shrugging) I don't feel warm.

Lucky: (pulling her back into his arms) How do feel? (Emily presses her forehead against his neck, which answers Lucky's question. She has a fever. He exhales heavily) Where were you?

Em: (quietly) The ravine, mostly. I'm so tired... (Lucky pulls back again slightly, taking charge)

Lucky: Ok. I've got to get you home. (Emily shakes her head)

Em: I'm not going home.

Lucky: Emily.

Em: I'm NOT going back there.

Lucky: Ok. I didn't mean the mansion. I'll take you back to the penthouse, Ok? (Emily pulls away from him, violently)

Em: (angrily) NO. I don't want you there. (Lucky stares at her, shocked) I don't want you anywhere near there. I don't want to leave. I was there for you when you needed me. Don't try to pawn me off on someone else. You owe me this. (Lucky opens his mouth to try to say something, but fails miserably. He sighs, and wraps his arms back around her. She lets out a slight groan of protest, still angry that he'd suggest taking her anywhere else, but quickly gives in to his embrace. Lucky holds her tightly)

Lucky: Ok, Em. You don't have to go anywhere.