Chapter Fifty:
It Ain't Easy

Nikolas's apartment.

Emily stands in the doorway, Nikolas having just answered the door. She is leaning against the door jamb, her face completely blank, arms crossed. Nikolas takes one look at her, and realizes this is going to be even more uncomfortable than the phone conversation suggested.

Nik: Hi. That was fast.

Em: How long have you known?

Nik: About Hannah? Since last weekend.

Em: Hey! How 'bout that. Me too! I found out Friday, what about you?

Nik: (uncomfortably) Saturday.

Em: Well, that's only fair. I guess it makes sense for me to have found out first.

Nik: Emily....

Em: Can I come in?

Nik: Yeah, sure. (He steps aside and lets her into he apartment. She looks around as she crosses the living room)

Em: It's nice. It's exactly how I would have thought of your place as looking.

Nik: Really? Any reason?

Em: It's... It's you. Elegant but casual. (she smiles at him) And nice. How long have you been here?

Nik: Not long. Almost a month.

Em: Hmm...

Nik: Emily?

Em: Yeah?

Nik: I know this is hard. (Emily smiles at him)

Em: Yeah, I guess you would know. Do you remember how you felt? When you saw Laura again? (Nikolas jerks his head back in surprise at the question. Emily turns away) I'm sorry. That was dumb. I just... I'm trying to figure out how I'm supposed to feel. I mean, it's not like there's a support group I can go to. I can't even tell my family... And well... I know, it's NOT the same thing. Your situation is totally different, but in a way, I mean, because I knew she was out there somewhere, it's more like..... (She stops, realizing she's rambling, and looks at the wall, hard.) Lucky didn't know you existed. So that was... different.

Nik: I was angry.

Em: What?

Nik: The first time I saw her... I was angry, and I wanted to hurt her. And I did.

Em: Oh. (Emily lets out her breath) Hannah gave me her address.

Nik: That's ... Good.

Em: I guess.

Nik: Emily... Have you talked to Lucky about this?

Em: Yeah. (She turns and walks over to the window, looking out at the city)

Nik: Is everything..... (He clears his throat) Emily, are you and Lucky having problems?

Em: No! No, we're not. Well... I'm having problems, and he's having problems, and together.... They're just... (She turns back to him) I really love him, Nikolas.

Nik: I know.

Em: But.... (Emily stares off into a space. Nikolas watches her, waiting for her to come back to earth) It's incredible. Half the time, I can convince myself it doesn't matter. And the other half I just feel... (He voice trails off. Nikolas walks over to her, and leads her to the couch. She changes direction on him, and flops down in an armchair, instead.)

Nik: Yeah... (Nikolas sits on the edge of the couch, leaning towards her)

Em: Did you feel that way when you came here? I mean, you must have felt so --

Nik: Isolated. That's what I remember. Feeling like a tourist. Like I was observing this family. (Emily frowns, sliding down in her chair).

Em: I guess for me it's more like it was for Lucky, then.

Nik: I think it's a little like it was for both of us... And different at the same time.

Em: Yeah... Lucky really has been great. (She looks at Nikolas) He knows about you and Hannah.

Nik: I know.

Em: Did that have anything to do with why you hit him?

Nik: Uh..... I'm sorry, Em. (Emily rolls her eyes)

Em: Don't apologize to me.

Nik: Well, Lucky doesn't want me around, even if it is to apologize.

Em: He might surprise you. (She studies his face) You look unscathed.

Nik: He didn't... (Nikolas sighs heavily) I didn't mean to hurt him.

Em: You hit him pretty hard.

Nik: I mean, I didn't mean to hit him. I did, but... I don't know how to explain it.

Em: (heavily) He pushed, right?

Nik: No more than I did. (Emily smiles slightly)

Em: He can't help it.

Nik: How.. Uh.. How is he?

Em: (shaking her head) Not good. But I don't think it's about you. (Nikolas looks away. Of course it's not about him. Emily sits up again) Look, Lucky and I have been together a really long time. And in all of that time, I've never ever gotten into whatever it was you guys were doing. I never have taken sides, and I've never told you what to do with Lucky. But... (She sighs and looks up at the ceiling) I really think now would be a good time to stay out of his way.

Nik: Ok. (Emily searches Nikolas's face for some clue as to how he's feeling.)

Em: (slowly) Ok. Nikolas? (He looks up at her) I need you to know that I'm not asking you to do this because I think you're bad for him, or that you might hurt him --

Nik: Would I?

Em: What?

Nik: Would I? Would I hurt him? I mean, besides physically.

Em: Nikolas!

Nik: I won't hit him again. I'm not doing it again. But, Emily, come on. How many years has it been since I actually hurt Lucky.

Em: You mean... Emotionally?

Nik: Yeah.

Em: Are you KIDDING? He just about has a hemorrhage every time he sees you.

Nik: No. When he was younger, yeah, but now?

Em: You really don't get it, do you?

Nik: Get what?

Em: Look -- Which one of us knows Lucky better?

Nik: Well, I'll have to give you that, but it doesn't say much.

Em: (a little tense) Editorial comments aside, Nikolas, I do know Lucky better than you do. And I know what he's like after he's seen you. He gets quiet, and moody, and... And yeah, invariably, he's hurt. I can't believe you don't see that!

Nik: Do you want to know what I see? I see a self-satisfied smirk behind almost any thing he says to me.

Em: He's just protecting himself, Nikolas. And don't pretend you're not doing the same thing!

Nik: If I ever got to see one unguarded moment where he wasn't-- (Nikolas stops short) I know, at some points, he's tried to talk to me. And I haven't been willing. But it goes both ways. He'd like me to disappear. Maybe sometimes more than others, but the fact remains that he doesn't want me around. (Nikolas forces himself to end the tirade he can feel bubbling up inside of him)

Em: (quietly) I guess this is why I never tried to negotiate peace before. (She looks over at him) Nikolas, Lucky is in a lot of pain right now. And he might do some stuff that makes no sense to you. He might say things, or do things just to hurt you, and it's not even about you. Not really. (She looks away) I didn't even come here to talk to you about him, but I guess it's inevitable. He's too much a part of our lives to pretend that he doesn't... And now you and my aunt...

Nik: I didn't know, Emily.

Em: (laughing) Well, neither did I. But... You fall for who you fall for. (she looks over at him) I'm sorry. I'm presuming you've fallen.

Nik: I've... "fallen", I think. If I don't think too much about what that means.

Em: So... you like her, obviously.

Nik: I do.

Em: (frowning) Ok. (She stands up) I have to go. (Nikolas rises and follows Emily to the door. He leans past her as she reaches it, and opens the door for her)

Nik: Emily. (she looks up at him, questioningly) She is worth knowing.

Em: Yeah... So is Lucky.

Luke's Club

Hannah sits at a table, patiently waiting for the arrival of Luke. Lucky comes out of the back and sees her.

Lucky: Where's Emily?

Hannah: I thought she was with you! (Lucky swears under his breath)

Lucky: What did you say to her?

Hannah: NOTHING! I swear... I... (It dawns on her) Oh. I told her about Nikolas.

Lucky: You WHAT?

Hannah: I had to! She wanted to know if I'd told anyone, and --

Lucky: Great.

Hannah: Why is this a problem?

Lucky: For starters? Because that's something I should have told her.

Hannah: And you didn't.

Lucky: Frankly, I had other things on my mind. (He sighs and leans against the bar) How did she look?

Hannah: Surprised. Honestly, Lucky, I thought she went off with you.

Lucky: Well she didn't. I've been in the back counting for almost an hour.

Hannah: (wryly) I'm sorry. I take it that wasn't how you planned to spend the afternoon? (Lucky looks at her with great annoyance)

Lucky: Why are you still here?

Hannah: Your father is late.

Lucky: Sure. Fine.

Hannah: Is this a big deal? Emily knowing about Nikolas and I?

Lucky: He's my brother, he's her.... Friend. Yeah, it's a big deal.

Hannah: Is there anyone in this town who isn't totally twisted up in your lives?

Lucky: Sure. But you're not sleeping with THEM, are you? (Hannah says nothing. She taps her fingers on the table top, annoyed. Lucky ignores this, and stares at the clipboard, trying to think where Emily would have gone. His repose is interrupted by his father's entrance. Luke looks back and forth from both Hannah and Lucky and nods formally)

Luke: Good afternoon. (Lucky frowns at his father. Luke directs his attention to Hannah) Hannah, you got some levels to set, right?

Hannah: That's the idea.

Luke: I'll be right with you. Gotta talk to my son a minute. (Lucky takes the cue, picks up the clip board and heads into the back, Luke behind him. Once in the room, Lucky slumps into the chair across from his father. Luke studies this a moment, before sliding into his chair. Lucky tosses the clip board onto the desk)

Lucky: Inventory's done.

Luke: Uh huh. (he leans across the desk) What's up?

Lucky: You're the one who called the meeting.

Luke: Yeah, well... you took off so fast last night --

Lucky: I thought we settled it -- this is my thing.

Luke: I thought we decided your stuff was my stuff.

Lucky: No, Dad. That is not what we decided.

Luke: Ok. Well, then we still have stuff to talk about.

Lucky: Starting with why you were pumping my girlfriend for information in the first place.

Luke: Pumping? Hey, Cowboy. It's not my fault you got sloppy. You tell half the truth, things'll slip. Emily obviously didn't know I wasn't supposed to know the whole story. (he leans back in his chair) Assuming she knows the whole story.

Lucky: Ok. Ok, you're right. There's more. (He leans across the desk, though not too much. His father always sees through him when he's too forthcoming. He sets his face in an expression of mild annoyance) Hannah didn't change her name for stage purposes, you know? She's got some bad history she'd rather Emily doesn't find out about.

Luke: How bad?

Lucky: Ugly. Not flattering.

Luke: Illegal?

Lucky: Not that kind of ugly. (Luke nods slowly)

Luke: Right. You think this woman's going to be good for Emily?

Lucky: No. But we talked about this, right? What am I supposed to do -- pretend I didn't find her? (He looks at Luke pointedly, the Carly situation inevitably being recalled. Luke nods)

Luke: Ok. Ok, you're right. (Lucky looks away)

Lucky: Thanks.

Luke: Now you want to explain to me why you're getting pummeled by the Dark Prince?

Lucky: Not really.

Luke: Lucky, come on. You're in here asking about Cassadines last week, now you suddenly you and Nikolas are at each other's throats.

Lucky: Why does everyone always assume this is my fault?

Luke: Hey, hey hey! Wait a minute! What's gotten into you? (Lucky says nothing, just stares petulantly at the floor) I could care less what that boy does with his time, until you start coming home looking like you got jumped in a dark alley --

Lucky: I'm not a kid anymore, Dad. You know?

Luke: You're stepping on my point here. I know you're not a kid. And you've shown remarkable restraint with Nikolas. God knows, I wouldn't have been as... patient as you've been.

Lucky: Well... Lulu.

Luke: Yeah, I know. (he sighs heavily) You're not going to tell me what this was about?

Lucky: What's it always about? He must be stressed or something. Needed to fight, I was there.

Luke: That's it?

Lucky: That's it. (Luke leans across the desk)

Luke: All right. I trust you, Lucky. I trust your instincts. That's never in question.

Lucky: Uh... Yeah. Thanks. Look, right now, I gotta run.

Luke: Go to it. (Lucky gets up and walks out of the club. He walks past Hannah without a word, fighting off that same feeling of shame that hit him so hard the night before. He can feel it as he climbs the stairs to the apartment, laying in wait for him, He pulls open the door to his apartment, and stares at the empty room. What is this place? How did he end up here? Why is living in an empty room preferable to being with his family? He tosses his keys on the desk, and closes the door. His mind returns to Emily, who has walked out on him. Probably over the fact that she didn't hear about Nikolas from him. He sits down on the bed, his eyes falling on his lap top. He's been avoiding it... some kind of guilt. Guilt. He should be immune by now. He stands up and walks over the desk, opening the computer. He hits the startup button, and watches as the screen lights up, the computer whirring as it loads it's extensions. This is something he can do. He doesn't mess this up. It's not complicated, and he's good at it. He opens the desk and pulls out the books Jason gave him, and starts to fulfill his end of the bargain.)