Chapter Ninety-Seven:
The Truth Will Out

Spencer House, neighboring woods.

Laura walks ahead of Nikolas, who is insisting on keeping a distance of roughly two steps between them. He doesn't feel like this is real. Out here, in the woods, with his mother, who is preparing to tell him God knows what. They reach a fallen log in a small clearing and Laura stops at it, turning back to see just how far from the house they are. She seems satisfied, then looks back at Nikolas, who is watching her, his hands dug into his pockets.

Nik: (bitterly) Far enough? I guess we don't want Luke to hear this.

Laura: (simply) This isn't about Luke. This is private, I don't want anyone hearing it. (She closes her eyes and leans against the log) Some things should really only exist between two people.... And go no further.

Nik: Like this?

Laura: (heavily) No. This has gone far enough. (She crosses her arms and tries to imagine where to start. She looks up at Nikolas) How long have you suspected?

Nik: I've known for almost a year.

Laura: (breathing in sharply) A year.

Nik: That's not what I'm here to discuss with you.

Laura: Nikolas.... This is... I'm just trying to figure out what you know.

Nik: Why? So that you can figure out how much to keep secret from me? How much stuff you can withhold?

Laura: No! This is probably hard to believe, but I was going to tell you. That's what I wanted to talk to you about.

Nik: Why?

Laura: That... Is very complicated. (She presses her lips together) I don't for life of me know where to start....

Nik: The beginning.

Laura: All right... You ... No. I've tried to make too many people understand what just isn't even comprehensible. (She looks up at him) It started on the island. You have to understand... (She looks away) Oh, I don't know how I can help this make sense to you...

Nik: Just tell me the story.

Laura: Nikolas... One day you'll have children --

Nik: Oh, spare me! Please. I won't EVER do this to my children! I'm not going to keep secrets and tell lies to them their whole lives!

Laura: Nikolas -

Nik: I'm not going to be like you and I'm not going to be like my uncle! (his face darkens) or my Father, I should say.

Laura: So you know that too.

Nik: The two secrets go hand in hand. Unless there was someone else!

Laura: Nikolas! Stop it! You're angry, you have every right to be. But if you're here, if you're talking to me, then you must want to know my side of the story!

Nik: I do. (he walks over to the log and sits down on it) I'm listening. (Laura looks over at him, and sighs heavily. She closes her eyes and prepares herself)

Laura: I wasn't very old when I came to the island. I was barely in my twenties, even though I was divorced. Divorced and remarried. I was very young. And I... Lord, Nikolas. I hadn't had a sheltered life. I knew what was out there. I'd experienced it. But... This was different. I never imagined anything like this would ever happen to me. How could I? I was a young wife. I was deeply in love with my husband. (Nikolas flinches) I know that hurts you, but it is the truth.

Nik: (gruffly) Go on.

Laura: I wanted a life with Luke. I was starting a life with him. And I believed with everything in me that we would grow old together. We would build a family and live our lives out as partners. That's really what we were. Partners in everything. And then... I came to the island.

Nik: You were kidnapped.

Laura: Things happened to me there that... There is simply no reason for you to hear about them.

Nik: I can handle it!

Laura: (sharply, and explosion) Well I can't! (She presses her lips together, regrouping) I knew about pain. I knew what it was to lose your control over your own life, over what was happening to you. Life had already taught me that lesson. But I'd survived all of it, and I had to believe that somehow I would survive the Cassadines. But that name... I loathed that name. Right until the day that I realized my child would bear it. On that day, everything changed. I had a life inside of me, and it was growing every day, and I held onto it so tightly. I refused to allow it to belong to anything else. It was mine. I was caring for it. I was nurturing it. And I would bring it into this world. It was my salvation. (She looks over at him) You and Lucky have that in common. You're both children who meant more than just... Being children. You both had a million hopes born into the world with you. All I had in me. Despite the circumstances, I felt the same way about both of you, right from the moment I knew I was going to have you. (Nikolas stares at her, without any words. He's never been compared to Lucky like this. Put on the same plateau as the son she raised. He swallows hard) It... Your father WAS Stavros. There was no doubt in that. You were going to be raised as his son. And I knew Stefan would never interfere with that. (She stops, realizing a tear is running down her face. She wipes it away with the back of her hand, and continues on, her voice remarkably steady) But in my heart, you only belonged to me. (She stares off into space a moment) Everything you ever heard about Stavros, everything Stefan has no doubt told you... It's true. He was an evil man. I can't think of another word to describe him. I tried to have pity. I tried, just so that I could survive, to find the man... The human being inside of him. I never succeeded. No. (She looks at Nikolas) The only humanity I found on that island was in your father. And as many... (Laura struggles for a polite word) Difficulties as Stefan and I may have had... I can't deny that I am relieved, and... Yes. I am. I am glad that he is your father. I'm grateful that he raised you so well. Into such a strong and empathetic young man. (She smiles sadly) You remind me of him, sometimes. Of who he was when I met him. Quiet. You have his stillness. And his fierce intelligence. But... And this may be hard for you to understand... You have his kindness. He was very kind to me. (She turns away again, sifting through half-memories, things she had buried so deep that even now, when she desperately wants to bring them back, she can't) It was so long ago....

Nik: How did it happen?

Laura: I... (She forces herself back into the moment) I would go for walks. Helena would allow that. And I would look at the sea. And mourn my dead husband. And the life I'd hoped for. And one day... there was Stefan. Until then, until I saw him alone, I didn't know much about him. He was one of them. But after our first conversation... It was so hard to trust. To believe in anyone. But I came to trust him. He kept my secrets. (She gazes off into the distance, lost in thought a moment) He was so different then... He was.... Worldly. Unlike anyone I'd ever met. He knew so much. So educated. And he seemed to soak up everything like a sponge. And... I was so alone. I may as well been on another planet. But he listened to me. And he didn't judge me. He never ever betrayed me. And I was lost. (She shakes her head, in amazement) It was impossible for me to truly understand the depths of what had happened to me. I grabbed on to Stefan like a lifeline. He was my proof. My proof that their was goodness in the world. That there was order, even in chaos. He was gentle and compassionate. He pitied me, I guess. He sympathized. That's the word he would have used then. Never pity. Never anything to make me feel small.

Nik: Did you love him?

Laura: I don't know. (She looks down at her hands, and twists the wedding band on her finger) I must have. But... it was a different kind of love.. I don't know how to describe it. It was unlike anything I'd experienced before. I put so much into him. All my optimistic hopes and dreams, my memories, my knowledge of what existed in the world. He represented so much to me.

Nik: But it wasn't like Luke.

Laura: Nothing has ever been like Luke. Never. (She looks at Nikolas) But if you're asking me if you are a child of love, Nikolas... The only answer I can give you is yes. Anything else would be a lie. I cared for Stefan deeply.

Nik: But it wasn't... romantic.

Laura: They don't make words for what it was. I don't have the words to give you. There are a million different types of love. There are as many ways to love as there are people to be loved. But as for... true love? Romantic love, as you said. No... there was only Luke. To let myself feel those sorts of feeling for anyone would have been a betrayal to him. I couldn't do that.

Nik: But you slept with him!

Laura: Yes.

Nik: Why? If you were still in love with Luke --

Laura: I thought Luke was dead. But no... you're right, there was more to it than that. I ... He was so soft with me. So caring. And no one cared for me. He treated me with consideration. He proved there was light in a place where I only saw darkness. Violence, and drunkenness. Hatred. And yes, I took the chance to give myself to him. To give what kept being taken from me, over and over again. It was proof that I held my own heart. That I had choices. I could make decisions. And what it would come to mean didn't matter to me. Not then. I didn't think about the consequences.

Nik: My conception. (Laura shakes her head, slightly)

Laura: In sleeping with Stefan I might have brought death upon myself. And instead I brought life. The time we spent together... there was beauty there. And joy. I do remember that. But I don't remember it the way he does. He remembers details, and events that... I just don't. Not that they weren't important to me. But when I left the island, I forced myself to forget. I had to. If I was ever going to move forward, I had to forget what happened there.

Nik: (hoarsely) Even me?

Laura: NO! No, never, Nikolas. You know that. You have to know -- (She stops, realizing she's nearly parroting her words to Lucky the night before. She puts a hand over her heart) Oh, here I go again. (Tears form in her eyes, a deep ache in her stomach) I never ever forgot a moment I spent with you. Every one is etched in my memory for eternity. When I left... (She stops, taking a moment to quell the overwhelming wave of emotion flooding her. She leans forward, her body wracked with anguish) I had to go! (she can't stop the sobbing now, tears flowing so fast she can't wipe them away before they are replaced) Oh, God! I had to go. When I knew he was alive... (She stops, unable to talk anymore. Nikolas watches her, in agony, but unable to offer any comfort. All the tears, all the rivers Laura has cried him since he first lay eyes on her in his memory, none have ever been like this. She sits up, one hand over her stomach, the other clenching in a fist she holds against her mouth, while she rocks herself, crying hard, even as she finds her voice) I didn't know. I was so young, I didn't have a clue. I didn't know, I didn't... (She stops, gasping for breath) I didn't know what sixteen years would turn into. And by the time I began to understand... When I knew what I'd done, it was too late. And I will NEVER forgive myself for that. (She looks over at him) You know I tried.. Oh... (She stops and allows herself to breathe a moment) I tried to find out. And they killed my mother! (She looks at him desperately) I had a husband! I had a son! (She shakes her head, hard) But if I hadn't... Oh, God. (She stops. Her sides ache, intense pain. Her head is pounding, and every fiber of her being is shaking with such intense grief, she feels like she may split in two.) I made a huge mistake. And I thought, somehow, that we'd both be better off. That I wouldn't have been a good mother to you the way I was -- a prisoner, a shell. That you would be safer with Stefan.... Because I knew he loved you. And I knew he was good. I knew he wasn't like the rest of them. He had a heart. And he would be good to you. (She breaks down again) And I could have the life that they had stolen from me... My life, what I'd planned, what I'd hoped for, all that had been RIPPED out of my hands. (She gasps fro breath between each word, aware of how selfish they sound) I thought it was the right choice. And I was so wrong. I have never been that wrong since. (She stops, leaning over again, the image of the look on Lucky's face as he broke down last night, burned in her mind.) I thought I'd never make a mistake like that again. But I did. (Nikolas stares at her. It takes him an eternity to find his voice)

Nik: What? (Laura struggles to compose herself. There is no way to say this but to get it all out).

Laura: (in a burst) Lucky knows. (She looks at Nikolas) He's known for a long time. And as far as I know, he's never breathed a word of it to anyone. (She sighs) I'm not sure. He may have told Emily... I hope he did. I hope he had someone to talk to about it. (She looks over at him) He'll never use it to hurt you. That isn't what he wants.

Nik: I know.

Laura: You ... You know?

Nik: He told me. Or... we told each other. We figured it out. (Laura stares at him in shock. It becomes clear to her -- Lucky and Nikolas's sudden... tolerance for each other. Bonding over their mother's inadequacies.)

Laura: My lord.

Nik: He... We haven't talked about it much. He said he'd known for two years.

Laura: (distantly, still stunned) He has.

Nik: And Luke doesn't.

Laura: That... is going to change. (Nikolas feels himself go cold, starting at his scalp, and slowly spreading through him)

Nik: (a whisper) What?

Laura: I let Lucky keep this secret for two years. And I watched while it slowly tore him apart. Lucky can barely look at me. I can live with that. What I can't live with is the fact that ... I've just come to realize this. (Her voice cracks) He can barely look at himself.

Nik: That's why... (He lets his voice trail off) Then you think that's why he's working for Jason? (Laura looks up sharply)

Laura: He's what? (Nikolas stares at her)

Nik: I thought you knew.

Laura: No. Knew what? What is he doing?

Nik: He's.. (Nikolas shakes his head) I don't really know.

Laura: (barely audible) He's ... He's in the mob? (Nikolas shakes his head)

Nik: I don't know! Not really. (Laura looks at him, her eyes boring into his. Nikolas looks away, shamed) All right. He's in the mob. Somehow. (Laura stands up suddenly, all the breath in her lungs rushing out of her.)

Laura: Oh my God. (Lucky's words come back to her, words he said to her days ago... "Do you really think I don't keep secrets from you, Mom? After all, it's a skill I learned from the master.") Oh MY GOD!

Nik: Laura -- (Laura claps a hand hard over her mouth, shaking her head. No. No, even with all this... Lucky wouldn't do something that crazy. Nikolas looks at her pained) I really thought you knew. I thought Luke would have told you!

Laura: Luke knows?

Nik: He...

Laura: The accident!

Nik: No... No, Jason's says that had nothing to do with him.

Laura: JASON says!

Nik: I believe him. (Laura stares at him)

Laura: You talked to him?

Nik: I'm trying to help. I really am. I'm trying to help him.

Laura: Oh, Nikolas

Nik: I will make sure he's all right. I promise you.

Laura: There's only one way to really help him now. I have to release him. I have to tell Luke the truth.

Nik: I know.

Laura: I need.... I NEED you to understand that I'm not trying to put Lucky first. But he feels like I put you first when I let him keep this secret. And I just can't.... I have to be honest. I have to tell my husband the truth.

Nik: I have to tell my uncle you're doing that, then.

Laura: No. (Nikolas opens his mouth to protest) NO, Nikolas. I have to tell Stefan. This is between us. It's time I faced up to that. (She grabs his hands) But please understand this is not about putting one of you above the other. But... I really believe this will kill Lucky if it keeps on. And now... Now that I know about Jason... Well. I have to believe I'm right. I have to believe that this is the only way to save him. (Nikolas nods numbly, and pulls away, sitting down on the log again)

Nik: Then go. Go tell him.

Laura: Nikolas...

Nik: I need to be alone. I need to think. (Laura looks at him helplessly)

Laura: I love you, Nikolas. I have loved you from the moment you came to me. You were a gift. And I have never, not for a moment, regretted who you are. (Nikolas looks up at her in amazement)

Nik: I'm a Cassadine.

Laura: You're my son. And the son of the only Cassadine I ever cared for. I knew when you were to be born. I knew that the name would never be a part of my hatred. My anger. Because it was the name of my child. And I will love you, and your name, Nikolas Cassadine, for the rest of time. (Nikolas looks at her, unable to make himself move. Finally he finds words)

Nik: Go to Lucky. I'm going to be fine.

Spencer House, Front Porch.

Lucky closes his eyes and waits for his father's reaction. Explosion, more like it. Instead all her hears is the sound of birds singing, wind rustling the trees. And his father's cigar slipping from his fingers and hitting the walkway up to the house. He waits. Nothing. Finally he looks up. His father is staring at him with an indescribable look on his face. Lucky's breath catches in his throat.

Luke: You wanna say that again, Cowboy? (Lucky forces his mouth to work, pushing the words out of him)

Lucky: You heard me. (Another unbearably long silence).

Luke: She's working for Helena.

Lucky: Yeah.

Luke: And you knew about this?

Lucky: (heavily) Yeah.

Luke: How long. (Lucky doesn't answer) HOW LONG?

Lucky: I don't know, a month, maybe. Not even. (Luke stares at him, obviously shaken)

Luke: (quietly) A month.

Lucky: Less.

Luke: You've known a month.

Lucky: Dad.

Luke: And you're just telling me NOW? (Lucky feels himself go cold. Anger. He's used to anger. But not like this. His throat closes up. Luke stands up and walk away from the porch, pacing the lawn. He stops, exhaling heavily and turns to look back at his son) Is this why --

Lucky: The car wasn't for me. It was for Emily, Dad. Helena is using Emily as leverage to get Hannah to do what she wants.

Luke: WHAT?

Lucky: That's it. That's what's going on.

Luke: (muttering) Jesus Christ Almighty. (He walks back to the porch) Why didn't you tell me about this?

Lucky: Dad -

Luke: NO EXCUSES! Tell me! Why didn't you come to me with this!

Lucky: (weakly) I tried.

Luke: You tried and WHAT? What, what did I.... (He stops) this is why you were suddenly asking me about Cassadines, right? And about .... Christ, Lucky.

Lucky: I didn't know what else to do.

Luke: You didn't know what... So you lied to me?

Lucky: I didn't lie!

Luke: Come on, Lucky! Don't use that technicality on me. You know exactly what that was. (Lucky swallows hard. Luke shakes his head, trying to wrap his mind around this. The self-hatred is choking him, and he realizes that he can't swear that he's not going to do something stupid. He stands up)

Lucky: I wanted Emily to get a chance to know her aunt.

Luke: Her aunt was a Cassadine spy!

Lucky: She was a pawn! She was just a part of the game, she didn't know what she was in, she had no idea!

Luke: You should have told me!

Lucky: And what? What would you have done, Dad? You're trying to tell me you would have sit down and listened to me? That you wouldn't have gone over there and threatened to kill her? Or scared her out of town? Do you... No. No, you don't know, because you and Mom don't know a DAMN THING about my life anymore! Emily was falling apart. She was falling to pieces in front of me. Her family was destroying her. She wanted out of this God damn town so bad she was willing to drive herself crazy to do it. And she... Dad. I held her while she cried about this. And I wanted to make it easier. I wanted to make it hurt less. I couldn't tell her, I couldn't tell you... I just had to hold it. Just for a while. Just so that Emily could get what she needed. I tired. I tried so hard! (Lucky's face is red with the effort of this. He sways slightly, and Luke rushes to him, but Lucky stumbles back, sitting hard on the steps) I can do this. I can handle stuff on my own. I know I can. But... Ok. I messed up this time. I nearly got her killed.

Luke: That wasn't your fault.

Lucky: Yeah? Right. Come on, Dad. She ended up right in the middle of this God damned feud, and that's not my fault?

Luke: You should have told me.

Lucky: Yeah, but I didn't.

Luke: Where is this coming from

Lucky: Don't try to make this about you and me!

Luke: You aren't being straight with me, Lucky! How is that not about you and me?

Lucky: I don't CARE about you and me. I care about what Helena Cassadine is going to do to my girlfriend if things don't go her way.

Luke: WHAT ABOUT WHAT SHE COULD DO TO YOU?

Lucky: I don't care.

Luke: (Kicking the porch violently) WHAT DO YOU CARE ABOUT? Where the HELL is this coming from?

Lucky: I made decisions. You don't like them, fine. But I did what I had to.

Luke: Since when can't you come to me? When did it get so that you cant' tell me what's going on? How did that happen? (Lucky looks away from him. Luke stares at him, then drops down, crouching in front of Lucky. He reaches out and grips Lucky's jaw with his hand, forcing him to look at him). You listen to me. Listen. (Lucky closes his eyes) I'm TALKING to you! (Lucky opens his eyes and looks at Luke, blankly. It's like a glass wall has come down. He can see his eyes, but there is nothing there. Luke pulls back) I'm not sure I know who you are anymore, Lucky. And that scares the hell out of me. Do you understand that?

Lucky: Look. You wanted to know.. You know. I don't have anything else to tell you.

Luke: Fine. (he stands up) Fine. You want to play it like that? You want to take care of it all on your own? Well, TOUGH. (He turns and starts to walk away. Lucky tries to stand up, but the dizziness is back, as bad as ever, and his legs give out on him, forcing him back onto the steps.)

Lucky: (calling after him) What are you going to do?

Luke: (turning back to him) What I should have done a long time ago. (He opens the car door, angrily, then stops. He looks back at his son, leaning on the door. Lucky is staring at him, but he can't read the expression.) We'll work this out, Lucky. When I get back, we will work this out. (Lucky looks away, bitterness creeping into his expression. Luke leaves the door and comes back to him) Lucky?

Lucky: Just go. Do whatever you're going to do, I don't care.

Luke: This will work out.

Lucky: Yeah, now that it's out of my hands, I'm sure it will. (Luke stares at him)

Luke: (low) Cowboy ---

Lucky: It's getting old, Dad. And this (he looks at him pointedly) has nothing to do with me anymore.

Luke: I've been at this longer than you, it's that simple. It's not about anything but experience.

Lucky: Well, go for it then. Clean up the mess.

Luke: Lucky!

Lucky: JUST GO. (Luke stares at him. Finally he turns, without a word, and gets into the car, slamming the door behind him. He maneuvers out of the driveway, past Nikolas's car, nearly sideswiping it, and is gone. Lucky sits on the porch, listening to the motor die off in the distance. His heart is in his throat. After a moment he stands up. Better now. Not much, but better. Foster, having ducked under the steps, reappears and looks at Lucky hopefully. Lucky snaps his fingers, and Foster runs to his side. Lucky puts a hand on the dog's head, steadying himself.) Come on, boy. We're blowing this joint. (He starts across the lawn, heading towards the woods at the far end of the property. He just doesn't want to be here anymore, and the woods have always been a good sanctuary. Just at the corner of the house he spots his mother, entering the back door. He frowns, wondering where Nikolas is, then takes the opportunity to head off towards the path. As they reach the edge of the lawn, he hears his mother, calling his name. He forces himself to pick up speed and heads into the woods).