Chapter One Hundred Seventy-Nine:
There Are Too Many Russian Words for Snow

The Path, Greece.

It's hot. Oh, God, it's hot. It wasn't this hot in Italy… Hell, it wasn't even this hot in Athens. Or on the road yesterday. Heat is one thing. This… This is hell.

Emily can hear buzzing and she's certain it's not bugs. It's too constant and it's getting louder as she climbs the hill. Hey, at least it's something, she thinks. Other than the oppressive quiet of the last few hours. She has no idea what Nikolas and Lucky said to each other before leaving the camp, but it couldn't have been good. They have sunk into a silence so cold she should be surrounded by fog right now.

If only. Emily reaches the apex of the hill more than a little short of breath. Her throat feels raw and her eyes are watering. She feels a hand touch her shoulder from behind and angrily shrugs it off. She turns, feeling unsteady, and sees Lucky, looking at her with concern. She sits down, nearly crumbling, and pulls the canteen from around her neck. She opens it and swallows down the water until she starts to feel the sky above her dim.

Em: Mmmm… (she looks into the canteen) Tinny. (Emily runs her hand across her forehead. She's perspiring, but not much. Not given how God-awful she feels. She looks up again. Yep. Lucky's still looking at her. She scowls.) It was a steep hill. (Lucky comes towards her and crouches down Emily looks away, taking another swig of water.)

Lucky: Em… (he reaches out to touch her, but Emily pushes his hand away. She feels awful. Absolutely and undeniably awful. She notices Lucky is trying to catch her eye and she looks at him unsteadily)

Em: What?

Lucky: You're not focusing.

Em: Huh?

Lucky: Your eyes. (Emily frowns, then shakes her head dismissively)

Em: It's the pill. It makes everything… Not good.

Lucky: Is that it?

Em: (snapping) Yes! (Lucky sits back, surprised at her tone. Emily knows full well she's being vicious. She's angry and has no place to direct it. Everything seems to be fair game. She's mad at the sun for being so hot… the car for committing suicide… Hannah for dying, Helena for killing her, whoever was driving that car for having such good aim. Her search for the genesis of her current situation is so thorough she's finding herself resenting the Bolsheviks.)

Lucky: (trying again) Look, Emily… (Em hears a noise from behind them and looks up to see Nikolas arriving at the crest of the hill as well. She furrows her brow in confusion. Funny. They were AHEAD of her for most of the walk, now they're behind? How did that happen? Why didn't she notice?)

Em: (not at all convincingly) I'm fine. (Lucky gives a slight nod. Over his shoulder, Nikolas takes in Emily's appearance.)

Nik: (dropping his bag) I think… We should stop for awhile.

Em: (tersely) I said, I'm going to be fine. (Nikolas steps back, a bit shocked. Lucky exhales and, without thinking, looks at Nikolas helplessly. Their eyes meet briefly, and Lucky looks away again)

Lucky: You don't want to rest for a minute? (He gives her one of his "designed to charm" smiles) Come on, after that hill? I'm willing to take five. (Emily sighs heavily. A minute. A minute. That's really not much. She just has this feeling that if she stops she's not going to be able to start again. Well, that's just not a choice. She has to keep moving. Lucky always says, keep moving. She can do that.)

Em: I just want… (she looks back at Lucky, her eyes still refusing sharp focus) Just let me… I need to be alone for a minute, ok? (Something flickers through Lucky's eyes, and she knows he doesn't like that suggestion. He takes a few moments to work up to answering her)

Lucky: (tightly) Ok. Let me know when you're ready. (He suppresses the urge to touch her, instead tightening his hands into fists.) I'll be over there. (He gets up and walks away from her, to a boulder on the far side on of the hill, only twenty feet away. Emily watches him walk away, his eyes still on her. She manages a weak smile, then moves towards a decrepit tree and curls up against. She closes her eyes, listening to the ever increasing buzzing noise in her head.

Nikolas watches all of this, a grim expression on his face. He's feeling just this side of invisible, but given the odd behavior from Emily he has to admit to himself that Lucky is the better person to talk to about this. He looks at her a moment, in concern, then turns and walks over to Lucky. Lucky is staring out at the sea, his body rigid as he "leans" against the rock. Nikolas comes to stand beside him, but Lucky doesn't acknowledge him. He leans against the rock as well, and opens the other canteen. He takes a swig, then looks down at the ground).

Nik: That's… Disturbing.

Lucky: What?

Nik: To see her do that to herself. (Lucky's body jerks in response to Nikolas)

Lucky: She'll be ok. (His voice cracks slightly, giving away the fact that he's not at all sure of that. Nikolas holds out the canteen to him. Lucky looks at it a long moment, then takes it from him. He takes a quick swig, then wipes his mouth with the back of his hand and hand the canteen back to Nikolas without looking at him) She'll be better when she gets to the island.

Nik: I know. But she has to actually make it there for that to happen.

Lucky: She'll make it there.

Nik: (slowly) Look… (Lucky looks up at him, sharply. Nikolas realizes he's probably just wasting his breath, but pushes on, all the same.) I have a suggestion, ok? We're over half way. And… I know she doesn't want to hear it, and maybe you don't either… but I don't see how she's going to make it.

Lucky: If she has to stop, we'll stop with her.

Nik: Or… (Lucky exhales, looking away from the sea, down the other side of the hill. He can tell he's not going to like this. Nikolas with plans is a whole new kind of torture) Or you can just make sure she gets to the spring… I'll show you where it is. And you can stay and make sure she's ok.

Lucky: Stay?

Nik: I can make it the rest of the way on my own easily. I could be there in a couple of hours, at least. (Lucky looks incredulous)

Lucky: And do WHAT?

Nik: And send someone back for you. (Lucky just stares at him, and Nikolas realizes immediately that just isn't going to fly. In fact, Lucky's body language suggests that he's just this side of enraged at the suggestion. He turns away, not speaking for several moments. When his does, his voice is tightly controlled.)

Lucky: We're not splitting up.

Nik: Lucky…

Lucky: She'll be ok. She's just tired. She's been through hell… have you noticed that? Do you know how many people would have gotten this far without just completely… (He cuts himself off, as his volume begins to increase. Nikolas nods slowly)

Nik: (quietly) I know, Lucky.

Lucky: (irritably) Don't, ok? Just… Don't give me this "calm and in control" thing right now. It's annoying on a good day.

Nik: Then what am I supposed to do? You won't even consider…

Lucky: What kind of sense does any of this make, anyway? What are you going to do? Go to the island, return to your throne, or whatever the hell it is, and send the help to collect us? HOW?

Nik: The road isn't that far off. Emily could make it two or three miles north better than another eight along this path. Especially if she's had some rest.

Lucky: She'd never go for it.

Nik: Don't you think we should at least suggest it to her.

Lucky: What part of this do you not understand? We're not splitting up. This is dicey enough as it is. You make everything complicated, then…

Nik: Look at her, Lucky.

Lucky: I have! You think you have to point out… (He stops, reigning himself back in. God, he HATES it when Nikolas acts like this). Look. You just said yourself… these people, the Pappasses? They're not exactly reliable. (Nikolas looks shocked.

Nik: Reliable? They've served my family with unwavering devotion for six generations.

Lucky: But… Come on, Nikolas. You're not 100% here, you can't tell me you are. (Nikolas exhales. Ok, so there is some truth to that. But it's hard to explain WHY he feels that way. He debates, a moment, just how much he can say. Wait a minute, a voice in his head speaks up. Why can't you just say whatever you want? God, old habits die hard).

Nik: Ok. (He looks at Lucky) No one… I mean no one who hasn't lived on the island knows any of this, but…

Lucky: (quickly) I don't need to know some kind of family…

Nik: Yes, you do. Because you're not listening to me.

Lucky: (pointedly) Yeah, that's a pain, isn't it?

Nik: (pressing on) George Pappas. Old George. He stayed on the island after my grandfather… Died. (Nikolas clears his throat, realizing they've just stepped into murky waters again) And even though he had further duty to us… He continued to serve my grandfather by serving HIS children. He was… I always knew he liked Alexis. He liked everyone… but Alexis was sort of his… He talked about her like she was this prized jewel. Or a lost lamb or something. (He frowns) which, if you know Alexis, is… Hard to imagine. But he treated her like she was special. He was good to her. (Nikolas, caught momentarily, in reflection of this childhood figure, smiles) He was a good man.

Lucky: (shaking his head) What does this have to do with anything? (Nikolas clears his throat. He's not having a good day, he reminds himself.)

Nik: (a bit tense) Alexis told me, when she was a child, she avoided being alone with Helena because she'd end up getting humiliated somehow. And the only people she knew would protect her from that was Mikkos… just because, when he was around, it stopped… and George. My father couldn't do anything for her. Helena did the same things to him. (Nikolas exhales. God, this sounds like an Oprah episode. The abusive family… Cassadines never say this out loud. They come from a history of violence and brutality… mostly heaped on each other… but this is not a face that's shown to the world. He can't believe he's actually saying this) After Mikkos died, George was still there for her. And she never understood why until she found out who her father was. Then… things George said, things he'd done… Even after… YEARS after Mikkos had died… they made sense. Because in the end he did what he believed my Grandfather would have wanted. It's possible… If his son doesn't see this action as being what STAVROS would have wanted, then he'd have a problem. The thing is… Everyone can probably agree that Stavros didn't want the coup… his brother ruling the family and Helena being sent into exile. But he achieved that with the support of the Pappas family.

Lucky: Which means they are loyal to Stefan.

Nik: Or, they believed that was what was best for the heir. (Lucky sucks on his bottom lip, considering this. He shakes his head slowly)

Lucky: This is a crapshoot, Nikolas… And if we split up we divide the odds again. No way.

Nik: It's NOT. Not if Josef is on the island. (Lucky tries not to roll his eyes. Right. Josef. He'd forgotten about this figure of myth and legend)

Lucky: Ok. Piece of advice. Never rely on a plan of attack with the word "if" in it.

Nik: What CHOICE do we have? Really. Helena knows I'm gone. She's got to bet anything that THIS is where I'm going. None of this… I mean, not one second, has been about anything but her getting one over to HER side. The island is the one place when my uncle can't control what I do. He has no power there if I say he doesn't.

Lucky: And yet.

Nik: There's a big difference between making a phone call and defecting against the prince.

Lucky: (heavily) Are you familiar with the term "hanging by a thread"?

Nik: (frustrated) What is WITH you? We trek halfway around the world to get here and you have cold feet. (wrong thing to say. Lucky bristles)

Lucky: (through gritted teeth) I'm not going some place where you have absolute power… unless, of course, the servants are playing favorites between Helena and Stefan… without knowing exactly what the score is. In case you forgot, I'm a Spencer. How do you know they're not going to decide it's in your best interests to have me shot on sight?

Nik: In case YOU forgot, you're my BROTHER. (There is a moment of silence as that particular statement settles. Nikolas lowers his voice) That comes first. It's not a position of weakness. (Lucky closes his eyes, exhaling. There's an irritating feeling of relief beginning to pulse through him, entirely uninvited. What is wrong with him? He's not actually GLAD to hear Nikolas say that!)

Lucky: (carefully) I'm not going to know the score until I can see something in front of me. I'm not going to stick here and wait for you to come back. It makes no sense. There is no guarantee, it's a stupid idea.

Nik: And on the other side of that… How much further do you really think Emily's going to make it? (Lucky looks over at Emily. She's leaning against the tree, her eyes closed. She looks pale, exhausted and thoroughly spent. He can't ask her to do this. And he can't let Nikolas go on alone. Every part of him screams out against that plan of attack.)

Lucky: What's the spring like?

Nik: The spring?

Lucky: Yeah. You said it's at the bottom of this hill?

Nik: Yeah. It's a few feet off the path. A bit rocky.

Lucky: Shaded?

Nik: Yeah… (Lucky is silent a long moment. His head is, he has to admit, reeling a little. Would it kill Nikolas to deal in concretes? And why the hell is he doing this anyway? He can barely remember. His initial aim was to get Emily the hell out of town and keep her safe. Well, out of town she is. Safe? Who knows? Is this going to keep her safe? He closes his eyes, the unbidden of Hannah's cold and pale corpse on the morgue slab. This is a long-range plan, he reminds himself. This is not about now, this is about years from now. This is about Emily not ending up there. And what the hell does he do know? He knows he's been quiet too long. But he's not going to open his mouth and admit to Nikolas that he's confused. Things were supposed to work out! They always worked out. At least they did for his father. Some one, some where had blessed Luke Spencer, be it the God or the Devil to get out of any scrape. Right. And then burdened him with a son too weak to do the same. Think, God damn it. What is WRONG with you? You have to figure this out. There has to be another choice. You can't just walk into this without knowing what's going on! You can't let Emily walk into that… she's not strong enough. And you can't let Nikolas go on alone, because then… That's a big question mark. He has no idea what then. What would Nikolas do? This whole way, though Nikolas has scarcely acknowledged it, he's needed him. He doesn't need him anymore. He can do whatever he wants. "Sometimes, cowboy…" Lucky grits his teeth, remembering words of Luke wisdom. God, does he ask for these? Does he summon them? No. They just pop up around any given corner. "Sometimes you don't get good choices. But one's usually worse than the other". Yeah, yeah. Ok. So what ARE the choices this time? And what is worse? He lets out a long breath)

Lucky: (deliberate) If we left her at the spring… (Nikolas nearly falls off the rock in shock)

Nik: You want to LEAVE her there?

Lucky: (distant) Our options are limited, as you keep pointing out.

Nik: (getting angry) So you're saying, after telling me off, for leaving Emily alone last night, you are so unwilling to trust me to go on alone and handle this, that YOU'RE going to leave her alone.

Lucky: Yeah. That's what I'm saying. (Nikolas breathes in the cold look in Lucky's eyes. Well. What did he expect. Consistency?) I'm going to see how she is. (Lucky pushes himself off the rock, feeling much more shaky in that decision than he's going to admit to. He needs to talk to Emily… She's a bit rough, but if she rests… If she rests, she'll be fine. She has to be. She'll see the logic here… Once he figures out what it is. He moves over to the non- tree, a scraggy thing, that Emily is leaning against. He crouches down next to her. After a moment, she opens her eyes, looking at him. She sits up, suddenly, gasping)

Em: Did I fall asleep?

Lucky: No. No. Em… I just wanted to see how you are. (Emily looks confused, her eyes darting around the top of the hill)

Em: Oh… I'm… (She looks at him) I'm fine. Are we going? (Lucky stares at her. Oh, God. His is too familiar. That look. That exact look. It's hasn't been nearly long enough since he last saw it. They're right back where they were a few months ago… only this time he didn't see it coming. He swallows hard.)

Lucky: Emily… I… I think we have to look at our options here.

Em: (frowning) What options? We're going to the island.

Lucky: Yeah. I'm not saying we're not. But… Emily. (He takes a deep breath) I think this… This is a little beyond you right now. (Emily just stares at him) I mean… It's only been a few weeks since the accident. As much as we like to pretend that everything cool… this is draining when you're doing fine.

Em: (voice empty) What are you saying?

Lucky: There's this spring at the bottom of the hill. Lots of fresh water, some shade. (Emily narrows her eyes)

Em: Yeah? (Lucky averts his eyes. This feels dolly like telling Foster why the kennel is not a bad thing.)

Lucky: (quietly) You really… Proved yourself in Italy. Did I tell you that? (He looks back at her, but her eyes won't still to look back at him. He frowns) You proved you don't need me to hold your hand.

Em: What do you want to do? Stay here?

Lucky: Just… Rest for a bit. The road… Nikolas says it's not that far. A couple of miles? If I give you the compass… and my watch. Do you think you can make it that far? (Emily looks at him oddly. She pulls in a deep breath and holds it a moment)

Em: Ah… (she exhales) Nikolas… He's in better shape than either of us.

Lucky: I'm FINE. (Emily shakes her head, dizzily)

Em: Stitches and bruises…

Lucky: Emily.

Em: He knows the way. He'd be fine alone. Why do you have to go with him? (There's a long silence) Lucky?

Lucky: I'll give you the compass… just rest until you think you'll be ok, fill the canteen and head north.

Em: You didn't answer.

Lucky: I'm going with him.

Em: Then so am I.

Lucky: It doesn't make sense! Why run yourself out when you don't have to?

Em: Why do you have to go?

Lucky: I have to see it, ok? I have to see what is going on.

Em: And what if you don't come back.

Lucky: I'm coming back.

Em: I'm not getting left!

Lucky: I'm not leaving you!

Em: Damn right.

Lucky: Emily… I'm not… I will never leave you. Never. That's not what I'm saying! (Emily stares at him. She opens her mouth to respond, then suddenly closes it again. She presses her lips together, her eyes a little too wide, then bursts out laughing. Lucky sits back, surprised. She continues to laugh, a laugh that sounds like bubbling water, then rising into a boil. Nikolas, who has previously, been glaring at the ground in disgust, raises his head at the sound.)

Lucky: Em… (Emily shakes her head)

Em: Everyone leaves, Lucky. God. Haven't you noticed that? You don't always get a choice. (She wipes her hand across her forehead, her breathing coming in uneven gasps. Lucky stares at her. He feels immediately, that he's made a dangerously wrong move and this is, suddenly, striking him as insane. What is he doing? God… Nothing feels clear, nothing feels easy. He shakes his head. Ok, Spencer. What do you have to do now?)

Lucky: (slowly) Uh… You know what, Em… I'm rethinking this. I think you're right. I'm not leaving you. (Emily sighs and looks away. Lucky, trying hard not to let how scared he is right now show, reaches out and tentatively, and puts a hand on her shoulder. She doesn't push him away this time, but she feels warm though the material on her T-shirt. He moves closer) I… (He closes his eyes and steels himself. Only for her. He can't imagine saying this to anyone else) You're right. Nikolas is better off… Going alone. We'll stay. (Emily jerks, looking at him, her eyes wild)

Em: No!

Lucky: Emily.

Em: I don't want… I don't have to. I'll be ok. I'm really going to be ok.

Lucky: You're… You're really far from ok right now, Em.

Em: Lucky…

Lucky: Emily! Em, look at me. (Lucky tries to force her to face him, but Emily scrambles away from him) Emily, come on. (Lucky sense that Nikolas has approached them. He refuses to look back. Nik's obviously won this round, but that doesn't mean he has to give a concession speech. Lucky takes a deep breath and reaches out to her, grabbing her hand) Emily! Listen to me. (Emily stops, looking at him warily. Lucky takes her other hand and she tries to pull back. Lucky holds her tightly.) Em… (Lucky's desperation is clear and Emily stops, sliding slightly in the dirt, and looking up at him)

Em: I can do this! I have to.

Lucky: No. You don't. You don't, it's going to be ok. (Lucky closes his eyes) Right… Nikolas?

Nik: It'll be fine, Emily. (Emily shakes her head hard, tears starting to run down her face)

Em: No. No, I can… You just have to give me a minute, ok? I can do this. I can! (Lucky's not entirely sure, but he thinks he feels his heart break a little for her. God, she tries so hard. But if she were really HERE right now, she'd agree with him. He knows that. This isn't the real Emily. This is just some… Variation.)

Lucky: You don't HAVE to!

Em: (whining) No… (she gasps for air, tears falling faster now) No. You don't have to take care of me!

Lucky: I WANT to.

Em: No you don't. You don't want to have to stop… and neither do I. (She raises her face up to him, getting increasingly irate) I don't HAVE to! You don't have to protect me. I'm not going to make you, I won't. I won't do it! I won't do that to you!

Lucky: What are you talking about?

Em: (desperate) You don't have to take of me!

Lucky; Emily, I love you! I WANT to protect you!

Em: NO! I won't let you do that. (She shakes her head firmly) I won't. I won't. (Lucky looks at her, in complete bewilderment. Why… Why would she think that was doing something to him? Unnoticed by Lucky, Nikolas pales, and turns away. Emily is shaking now, almost convulsively, as if she is very cold. Her voice becomes very small) I can take care of myself. (Lucky grips her shoulders, forcing her to look at him. Fine. But not right now)

Lucky: (taking a deep breath) Em. Emily. (she shivers, but looks at him) I'm asking you to do this. Ok? I want you to do this. I want you to let me take care of you. Will you let me? (Emily looks at him a moment, then breaks down completely, sobbing. She bows her head and Lucky moves forward quickly, wrapping his arms around her, and pulling her against him. Emily fights again the embrace, but it's an unsuccessful. Lucky holds her tightly, feeling himself go cold. God, what's happening here? He lowers his voice) Nikolas? (He looks over at him, guarded but clearly scared.) She feels really warm. (Nikolas nods.)

Nik: (quietly) The spring's at the bottom of the hill. (Lucky gives a barely perceptible nod, and slides his arms under Emily's still holding her. She is still crying against him, her tears soaking through his shirt. Now her hands are gripping him, though. He lowers his lips to her ear)

Lucky: (softly) Em. Baby? (He sighs. He so rarely calls her that, and it's been slipping out a lot lately.) Emily. (She still doesn't respond. He sighs.) We gotta go, ok? Can you stand up? (Emily doesn't seem to hear him. He closes his eyes. His voice comes out pleading) Emily, you have to get up. You can do this… remember? (God, guilt. Hard guilt, at using that against her. I'll make it up to you, he thinks. I'll make all of this up to you. I'll find a way)

Em: (muffled) Go?

Lucky: Yeah. It's time to go. (He moves away from her, so that he has better balance, then stands up, pulling her to her feet with him. Emily shakes, her face incredibly red, shuddering with residual sobs. She looks completely discombobulated. Lucky swallows hard and steps back from her) You ok? You can walk?

Em: (after a moment) Yeah… (Lucky backs up, not taking his eyes off her, and picks up his bag.)

Lucky: Ok. Ok, great. We'll just get to this spring, you can have some water. You'll feel better. (Emily doesn't respond. Lucky puts the bag over his shoulder and looks at Nikolas, warily. They seem to be in agreement that there will be renegotiations.) Let's go. (His eyes, only off Emily for a second, move back to her, just in time to see her eyes flutter. She jerks, her eyes flying open again, then crumbles, only a foot away from him, to the ground).