Chapter Sixty:
Secrets and Lies

The Spencer House.

Lucky comes around the corner of the house, from the backyard, and stares up at the darkened window that was his bedroom. Still is, he guesses. His bed, some of his clothes and books are still there. He hears the jingle of dog tags coming from the woods, but doesn't turn towards the sound. After a moment he hears Foster bark at him loudly. He doesn't turn around. The dog barks again, and starts across the lawn towards him. Lucky turns finally, and Foster stops. He cocks his head at him, then runs across the lawn, his barking less demanding, but just as loud. Lucky makes no move towards the beast, so Foster stops, right in front of him, awaiting the cursory scratch on the ears. Lucky glances down at him and looks into that animal's expectant eyes.

Lucky: What? (Before the dog can answer the front door opens cautiously)

Laura: Foster? Foster, is someone out here? (Foster remains silent. Laura gathers the folds of her sweater around her and takes a tentative step onto the porch.) Hello? (No answer again. She looks over her shoulder into the house, and looks back into the darkness, frowning) FOSTER! (The dog barks. Laura rolls her eyes, annoyed and lets the screen door slam behind her as she heads towards the dog) Foster, get in here. (Foster looks up at Lucky questioningly. Laura starts down the steps of the porch) Foster! (she sees Lucky and starts). Lucky! (she puts a hand over her heart) You nearly scared the life out of me!

Lucky: Interesting choice of words. (Laura squints into the darkness but is unable to make out his features) It seems to be a theme tonight.

Laura: Lucky? Is something wrong. (Lucky look back up at his window)

Lucky: Dad here?

Laura: He's at the club. I would have thought you'd look for him there first.

Lucky: I would have. If I was looking for him. (Laura, not liking Lucky's tone at all, takes a step towards him)

Laura: Come on. It's cold out here. Let's go inside.

Lucky: I don't want to go inside.

Laura: (sensing this is one of those times when Lucky will say up just because she says down) All right. (Lucky continues to look up at the window. Laura looks back at the still open front door, and considers how to approach this) Did something happen? (Lucky says nothing) I've heard that you and Nikolas have had some difficulties lately.

Lucky: (snapping) What makes you think this is about Nikolas?

Laura: Well, something's wrong.

Lucky: Why does it have to be about Nikolas? I'll save you the trouble of asking -- it's not about Emily either.

Laura: Ok. What's this about, then?

Lucky: (quietly) I was just trying to figure out how I got here. (Laura, already shivering in the cold weather, feels an entirely different kind of chill go through her. She looks back at the door)

Laura: Please, Lucky, come inside.

Lucky: I'm NOT going inside.

Laura: All right. Ok. I'm sorry.

Lucky: Yeah, I know. (he turns away from her). Do you remember Canada?

Laura: Of course.

Lucky: I was just thinking about the diner.

Laura: You were.

Lucky: We were there for a while..... Do you ever think about that? (he turns towards her) Back when we were on the road all the time.

Laura: Yes.

Lucky: I was wondering. (He looks back up at the house.) You know.... When we first moved here... I'd always wondered what a normal house would be like. A place that we didn't have to leave on a moment's notice. I think we were here for years before I actually stopped thinking of it as an extended layover. (he sighs) Not that it really changed things. I was so used to only having you and Dad. And Lulu, when she came along. It was always "Us" and "Them". I mean... I always knew that sometimes you had to lie to people. And you might have to trick them, or hurt them or leave them. And I never had a problem with that. Cause the line was so clear. They were "them". And we were "us". And it was Ok to do that stuff to them. But you didn't do it to your own. You didn't keep secrets, you didn't tell lies and you didn't leave. (He looks back at her) How the hell did I learn that, how did that become such a big part of who I was when I learned it from you?

Laura: Oh, Lucky...

Lucky: Spare me, Ok? I was fifteen before I let myself form any attachments that were strong enough to make leaving difficult. And you know, even when I first fell in love with Emily, I think I still would have left if we had to. Do you know how long it took for me to think about her as someone I couldn't leave? Cause there was this image in my head of us, of our family, and I could never shake it. That was all that mattered. That was.... That was EVERYTHING. And maybe that's because you and Dad were the only constant in my life, ever. But I don't think so. I don't think it would have been that different if we'd just always lived here. I can't imagine not thinking of you and Dad as the most important things in the universe. I can't even think what that would be like. But now, I look back at it, and I think of sitting in that dinner watching leaves change, or selling worms with Sly, and you always being there being "Mom". And watching me. And knowing the whole time that everything could fall apart, all this stuff that I was always told was so strong could just fall apart because of a secret. (Laura brings her hands up to her mouth, trying desperately not to cry. Lucky turns and looks her straight in the eyes, his anger, undetectable for the whole speech, is now clear, still contained just below the surface) What I don't understand is, if you knew all that time, that it could all fall apart --

Laura: It didn't, Lucky! It didn't fall apart. We got through it! (Lucky sneers at her)

Lucky: Really? Is that what we did? Is this what you think our family was like before?

Laura: I did what I thought was right, Lucky, I was trying --

Lucky: I don't care! I don't want to know anymore. I'm SO sick of rationalizing this. Because I can't Mom. I tried over and over again, and I don't understand. You saw what happened when Nikolas showed up. You saw the look on our faces when we found out that you had this whole other part of you we knew nothing about. How the hell did you watch that and then keep this other secret? What made you think that it would be Ok?

Laura: Lucky, I didn't KNOW.

Lucky: How does that work, Mom? Come on. You must have had SOME idea. (Laura turns away from him. Tears start to run down her cheeks, unchecked. In the dark, Lucky suspects she's crying, but can't tell. He looks away from her all the same) You knew there was a chance. What did you think would happen if you just told us when he first showed up?

Laura: Do you remember what your reaction WAS when Nikolas first came here? How was I supposed to say that on top of that, I wasn't sure of who his father was?

Lucky: It's better than lying about it!

Laura: Nikolas was always raised as Stavros's son.

Lucky: And that makes it Ok?

Laura: What was I supposed to do? Your father would have killed Stefan if he'd found out.

Lucky: (darkly) So?

Laura: Lucky!

Lucky: No, explain to me why that's a bad thing?

Laura: He is Nikolas's father!

Lucky: Don't remind me. You think there is a day in my life when I don't think about that? Do you think there's a day when I don't know that and feel sick to my stomach? How do you do it, Mom? God, you never taught me that. I watched you for years and I never knew what was going on. How do you do that? How do you look in the mirror and not HATE yourself? (Laura starts to sob)

Laura: Oh, God, Lucky. (She reaches out to him, her heart breaking for him)

Lucky: DON'T! (He steps back from her angrily) Don't cry and try to make me feel guilty for being this angry at you!

Laura: Lucky, please.

Lucky: What? WHAT? What do you want me to do now?

Laura: NOTHING. What do you want, Lucky? I can't.. I can't do this. I can't watch you like this. If this is causing you this much pain --

Lucky: What? You'll tell Dad and destroy Nikolas? Face it Mom. You choose between Nik and I a long time ago. And I came in second.

Laura: That's not true.

Lucky: The HELL it's not! You let me lie to my father! You KNEW what that would do to me, and if you didn't, then you just weren't thinking. All you were thinking about was Nikolas, and his inheritance, his name, his family. What about me? Or didn't it matter? I mean, you had your first born back, what the hell did you need me for?

Laura: LUCKY! Stop it! (she tries to reach out to him again, but Lucky pulls away violently)

Lucky: Sorry. I forgot the rules. Don't complain, don't get angry, don't do anything to make the situation worse. Just sit there and deal with it. I should be better at it now.

Laura: Lucky, how am I supposed to know? How am I supposed to be able to understand when you stay away and don't tell me what's going on.

Lucky: Why should I? How much honesty can you really take from me? As soon as I start to say anything you cry, or start apologizing, but nothing ever CHANGES.

Laura: Do you want me to tell your father? (Lucky doesn't say anything) I will Lucky. I will tell him if it will help you.

Lucky: It doesn't matter anymore.

Laura: Lucky, look at yourself. I knew this was tearing you apart but I had no idea how much.

Lucky: Only because you didn't WANT to know.

Laura: You never told me!

Lucky: MAN! We can go around in this circle all night, (He looks at her bitterly) Not that it hasn't been fun, but I have other things to do.

Laura: Where are going?

Lucky: (turning back to her) Why do you want to know?

Laura: Because I don't think you should be alone right now.

Lucky: don't worry about it. I have things to occupy my time. (Laura stares at him, chilled by the cold look in his eyes)

Laura: What are you talking about?

Lucky: Do you really think I don't keep secrets from you, Mom? After all, it's a skill I learned from the master. (Lucky turns and walks down the drive, leaving a shaken Laura behind. She starts after him, then stops, her mind reeling. Lucky gets into his car and is gone in record time. Laura stares after him, terrified).

Lulu: Mommy? (Laura turns around to see Lulu standing, shivering in the long forgotten open doorway. She wipes her eyes quickly and rushes up the steps to her daughter)

Laura: (unable to keep the distress out of her voice) Lulu! What are you doing out of bed?

Lulu: I heard yelling. (she narrows her eyes at her mother). Are you crying?

Laura: No, honey. (She stops, realizing she just lied to her daughter. She shakes her head) A little.

Lulu: Is Lucky Ok?

Laura: He will be. (She kneels down and wraps her arms around Lulu) I promise to you, sweetheart, he will be. I'll find a way to make it better.

* * * *

Hannah's apartment.

At the sound of her boyfriend's name, Emily is on her feet, her heart suddenly racing. Ever since this started she's been waiting for bad news. She hopes to hell it's just that he and Nikolas had another fight. At the door, Nikolas notices the movement and meets Emily's eyes. His face darkens and Emily feels her mouth go dry.

Nik: (Pushing past Hannah) I can't believe you're letting him do this.

Em: What?

Nik: You can stop him, you have to know that.

Em: Nikolas, what are you talking about?

Nik: What do you think?

Em: Is Lucky doing something? What, is he going to do something stupid? Tell me!

Nik: He's been doing something stupid for months. (Emily stares at him, still not comprehending) He's working for your brother! (Hannah closes the door quietly, trying to put meaning on these words as she watches her niece try to find words).

Em: How did you find out?

Nik: It doesn't matter. You knew, didn't you?

Em: Nikolas, it's Ok. He's finished. He's done.

Nik: That wasn't what he said to me.

Hannah: Wait. Do you mean your brother the mobster? (Emily ignores her)

Em: I don't understand, how did you find out about this?

Nik: How did you?

Em: I know you didn't find out how I found out!

Nik: (bitterly) No, probably not. (Emily takes a deep breath. She can feel herself getting upset, and she sternly tells herself not to. Nikolas is just in shock. He's probably pretty angry. She can get him to calm down if she just stays focused. After all, she knows what's going on here. The important part is protecting Lucky. She has to make sure that Nikolas doesn't tell anyone else.)

Em: (evenly) Nikolas, I know this is kind of upsetting --

Nik: KIND OF? Don't give me that. You've been walking around town like a zombie for months, fighting with your parents, getting so stressed out you can't even walk, and you're telling me that this is only "kind of upsetting"?

Em: None of that was Lucky's fault.

Hannah: (gently touching his arm) Nikolas, please.

Nik: Was this why you told me to stay out of his way? (Emily frowns. She's not going to give him anymore information than he has, but she has to get him off her case).

Em: (annoyed) I told you to do that because the last thing he needed was having you hit him, Ok? (Nikolas turns away from her)

Nik: How long have you known?

Em: Wait a minute. Why are you interrogating me?

Nik: (turning back to her, angrily) Because you're the only person he ever listens to, besides his father-- (Emily flinches) Or is he listening to his father anymore?

Em: (muttering) I hope so. He sure as hell isn't listening to me. (She looks back at Nikolas) Look, Nikolas. When the stars are in the right alignment, yeah, Lucky will do anything for me. BUT sometimes no one, not even me, can stop him from doing something he's decided on. But Jason.... I did stop him from doing that. Once he finally told me what was going on, he quit.

Nik: He quit. The mob.

Em: Yes! Jason's my brother, he wouldn't hold Lucky to anything, and he's not naive enough to go in without his eyes open wide. (she looks at Hannah) He quit. He said he'd stop until... (she covers her face with her hands, trying to regroup. How did her life get this complicated?) Ok. Nikolas, what did he tell you?

Nik: Nothing.

Em: (relieved) See? There's nothing to tell, Nikolas, because it's all over. He isn't working for Jason anymore.

Nik: He said that I couldn't know what his arrangement was.

Em: (hoarsely) Arrangement?

Nik: That's what he said.

Em: (flying into full force denial of the facts) He's doing him a favor, Ok? That's it. He needed some information, and Jason helped him out so he did him a favor.

Nik: For how many months? Emily, don't lie to me.

Hannah: Nikolas!

Em: I'M NOT LYING TO YOU! Nikolas, come on. (Nikolas stops and rethinks his tirade. He takes a deep breath)

Nik: I'm sorry. I'm just trying to figure this out, Emily.

Em: Ok. All right! Just tell me what he said, and I can explain it.

Nik: He said you couldn't have told me what he was doing.

Em: He knows I wouldn't tell you, that's all, Nikolas.

Nik: He thought you DID tell me. That's why he thought I was there. (Emily pales)

Em: (shakily) I wouldn't do that. He HAS to know I wouldn't do that.

Nik: I don't know if he does.

Em: I'm NOT going to take your word for that, Nikolas. You don't know him like I do.

Nik: I know what I saw tonight.

Em: Stop it!

Nik: Emily, he didn't deny it.

Em: NO! You don't know him, Nikolas, you don't know what.. (her voice falters) He.. He told me that -- (she sinks onto the couch, shaking) Oh my God.

Hannah: Emily...

Em: He... He can't. He wouldn't. (She covers her mouth with her hand,. Hannah shoots a nasty glare at Nikolas, and takes a tentative step towards Emily).

Hannah: Emily.

Em: DON'T. Don't tell me it makes sense, Neither of you know him.... You don't... (she loses the battle against the hysteria taking hold of her and starts to cry) GOD, Lucky! (She covers her face with her hands) Why are you doing this to yourself? (Nikolas turns away. Emily stands up) I have to leave.

Hannah: Emily, come on. Please don't.

Em: (violently) I have to! If he wants to hurt himself, then no way am I letting him think I'm Ok with it. (She shoots a nasty look at Nikolas back, finding herself enraged at him) He needs to know SOMEONE cares. (Nikolas turns around to face her)

Nik: I don't think he wants anyone to care, Emily.

Em: How would you know, Nikolas? Have you ever given him a clue, ever swallowed your pride long enough to give him a clue that maybe you care?

Nik: I did that! I did that tonight.

Em: (stunned) You what?

Nik: Do you honestly think I want him to get himself killed.

Em: I KNOW you don't, Nikolas. But he doesn't. And he won't take my word for it.

Nik: Well, he doesn't WANT to take mine either.

Em: What did you.... Nikolas, what did you say to him?

Nik: It doesn't matter.

Em: It DOES matter. Tell me!

Nik: I don't want him to get hurt. I told him that.

Em: (mind spinning) What did he do?

Nik: He told me to leave.

Em: Oh, God. (She starts to the phone) I've got to call him. (She picks the phone, much to Hannah's horror)

Hannah: NO! (Emily and Nikolas both turn to look at her) It's broken.

Em: There's a dial tone.

Hannah: Uh, yeah. I know. It's the... receiver. It's.... They can't hear you.

Nik: Is this because you threw it at the wall?

Hannah: Uh... I guess.

Em: You threw the phone at the wall?

Hannah: I was upset. (She shrugs weakly)

Nik: That was two months ago! You haven't gotten it fixed?

Em: You know, not to minimize your phone problems, but I have a slightly more pressing matter at hand here.

Nik: Emily, you don't think he's going to --

Em: I don't know what I think! All I know is that he's... He's not -- Just let me handle this, Nikolas.

Nik: What are you going to do? He's not going to --

Em: You said he listens to me!

Nik: And you said that he isn't right now!

Hannah: Nikolas, I think we should trust Emily here. (Emily turns to Hannah, and looks at her like she's grown a second head).

Em: There's a unique concept. (She turns back to Nikolas) You can't help him with this, Nikolas. He'll never let you.

Nik: (quietly) I know.

Em: I have to leave. (Nikolas looks at her helplessly)

Nik: I don't think it'll help.

Em: It doesn't matter. I have to.