Chapter Sixty-Four:
Confessional

Bannister's Wharf.

Emily and Hannah reach the wharf, now a safe distance from the house, and for the first time, Emily allows herself to breath normally. Hannah looks at her completely confused.

Em: Ok. We should be all right here.

Hannah: Are you...

Em: I'm in trouble for coming home late last night.

Hannah: Oh... right. I keep forgetting you're still in high school.

Em: Well, you're the only one.

Hannah: I'm sorry, I just meant that you seem older.

Em: (collapsing onto a bench) That's ok, I took it as a compliment. (She looks over at Hannah) I haven't told them about you.

Hannah: I didn't think you had. And I would have called, but I don't have your number.

Em: And your phone doesn't work.

Hannah: Uh... yeah. (she clear her throat) Did you see Lucky?

Em: Oh, yeah.

Hannah: Went that well, huh?

Em: I don't really have anything to say about it. (She looks at her) You said this is about him. Did something happen?

Hannah: No. No, I haven't seen Lucky in... awhile. Even when I see him, he doesn't talk to me. This just..... Nikolas told me a little about what happened between them. It sounded like Lucky's feeling pretty self destructive.

Em: That's a word for it.

Hannah: I don't know Lucky as well as you do. I don't even know him as well as Nikolas. So I'm just going to take your cue here. (she puts her hands on her temples, and rubs them, trying to clear her head) Nikolas made is sound like he's acting really out of character... Um, he was talking about how Lucky doesn't keep secrets from his father.

Em: Nikolas doesn't really know what's going on.

Hannah: No.... But I think I do.

Em: (wary) What do you mean?

Hannah: I... I think that I might be able to ... Oh God. (She sits down beside Emily, her head in her hands) I wasn't going to do this. (She looks up) This is really important, Emily.

Em: (studying her critically) I'm beginning to get that feeling.

Hannah: I need you to promise something. I know I don't have a right to ask you anything, but... I need you to just let me get through this. Just let me talk, and wait until I'm finished to tell me what you think. All right?

Em: (getting very nervous) Ok.

Hannah: (taking a deep breath) I told you I didn't come here looking for you.

Em: (slowly) Yeah.

Hannah: I never would have looked for you. I don't... Don't think that means that I'm not... Oh, I'm doing this all wrong. (She shakes her head and stares out at the lake) Ok. I wouldn't have come looking for you, because I never planned on coming back to America. I was a runaway. Not just from you, and from my family, but from everything. I didn't want to come back, and I couldn't imagine that there was anything here that I could find that would ever mean anything to me. I didn't want anything to mean anything to me. I just wanted to live my life in a cocoon. Read good books, listen to beautiful music... I somehow convinced myself that was all I'd ever need. People... I didn't want to rely on them. And I really didn't want to care for them. But then I came here. And I met you. And I met Nikolas. And Nikolas he just wouldn't let me off the hook. He pushed and pushed, and to be frank, as much as I tried to get rid of him, I always knew that I wouldn't be able to push hard enough. Because I didn't want to. It's amazing, after so many years, to have someone want you that much. I didn't really stand a chance. (She takes a deep breath and looks at Emily) And you... You terrified me. (Emily nods slowly. Hannah smiles at her, sadly) I kept pictures. They were the only things I carried with me from place to place. I had a few of you in the hospital... I came to see you there. I remember the first time I saw you, lying in a bassinet behind glass, with all these other babies. You .... The picture don't do it justice. It was the one time I don't remember feeling jealous of your mother. She was so happy. Really, she held you and her face just lit up. There was so much joy in her eyes, I couldn't even comprehend how something could make someone that happy. (She impulsively reaches out and takes Emily's hand) The thing was, it was infectious. My mother, she left us alone. The three of us, while she went to get a coffee or something. And Paige let me hold you. She showed me how to support your head, and she let me hold this little precious bundle in my arms, and it meant so much to me because... I knew she would just die if something happened to you. But she still let me, in all my eleven year old nervousness, hold you. Because she thought you were the most amazing thing in all creation, and she wanted to share that with me. (Hannah drops Emily's hand to wipe a stray tear from her cheek). When I figured out who you were, I was a mess. I didn't know what to do. But I didn't want to get to know you. I told myself that it was better for you if I stayed away. You'd be safer if I wasn't around, and you wouldn't want me parachuting into your life anyway. But ... that wasn't the truth, not really. I was afraid. I didn't want to have family, or people to care about. I didn't want that responsibility. I'd convinced myself that it was a bad thing. And I wouldn't have even told you if... (She stops and stares at the water, blinking rapidly. She speaks again, her voice tight, but purposeful) I am very thankful that this happened.... In some way. That I got to know you a little again. (she forces herself to look at Emily, who is now staring at her, wide-eyed, fighting off a sense of doom that's brewing inside her). And maybe I'd even do it all over again for the chance. (she takes a deep breath) But I didn't come here to find you, Emily. And I realize that once you know what I'm really doing here, you'll probably want nothing to do with me. But I can't watch anymore. (She clears her throat, and places her hand on her collarbone, swallowing painfully) I talked to Nikolas last night, and he said that Lucky wouldn't work for Jason to get back at his father. That he wouldn't keep anything like that from him. And I guess he wouldn't keep anything like this from him either, if I'd given him much of a choice. (She turns to look out at the water again, unable to maintain the contact with Emily). You're going to have to bear with me, here. (Hannah stands up and walks to the edge of the dock, desperately trying to find the strength to do what she has to. She turns back) I told you I used to work in people's houses in Europe. It was pretty mind-numbing work, and I was offered, out of the blue, a job as a nanny. And that was a little better than chamber maid. It was more interesting. (She puts a hand to her forehead) I'm stalling.

Em: (brings a whole new meaning to the word "tense") Just tell me. (Hannah lets out an involuntary cry)

Hannah: Ah! Ok. I'm trying. I'm really trying. I was there year, and I was offered another job. And it wasn't really presented to me like I had a choice. I was supposed to come here, I was supposed to work for Luke Spencer, and that's it. That's all I was told.

Em: (straightening up) Oh my God.

Hannah: When Lucky found out.... When looked into my past, what he found wasn't that I was your aunt. I told him that. I told him after he came to tell me he knew I had come here under a false name, and that the name originated in Greece.

Em: Oh.... (Emily leans forward, paling).

Hannah: I didn't know what I was getting into.

Em: (looking up at her) Then you....

Hannah: I'm sorry, Emily. I didn't know.

Em: You're....

Hannah: I'm working for Helena Cassadine.

Spencer House, Living room.

Laura sits, curled on a chair, lost in thought. Her brow is knit, and she stares long and hard at a photograph of Lucky, the framed one on the bookcase of Lucky and Foster. He's smiling, looks like he doesn't have a care in the world. She feels tears well up in her eyes at the sight of that smile. When was the last time she saw it? Without some sort of sadness lurking behind it? Years and years. She's startled by a knock at the door. She looks over at the clock, but it provides no answer, besides giving her the time. She wipes her eyes with the sleeve of her sweater and crosses to the door. As she nears it, she recognizes the silhouette against the curtain on the window. Her heart beats a little faster. She opens the door.

Laura: Nikolas!

Nik: Hi. The car wasn't in the driveway, so I figured it was safe.

Laura: Nikolas, you're always welcome here. (Nikolas nods, clearly unconvinced)

Nik: I doubt Luke and Lucky share that opinion.

Laura: Nikolas... (she shakes her head. There is no point in retreading this right now. She smiles at him as warmly as she can manage) Why don't you come in? (She opens the door wide. Nikolas hesitates slightly, then enters)

Nik: Ok... (Nikolas walks down the few steps into the living room, looking around at the immaculate but cluttered surroundings. There is so much stuff in this house.... Laura shuts the door and turns, studying him. She would have bet her life, years ago, that there was no way for a child to be stronger than Lucky. To be that adaptable, that willing to sacrifice. The strength in Nikolas is different. Silent, but unmistakable. Something you can sense the first time you lay eyes on him. She's overestimated Lucky's strength, though. She doesn't want to make the same mistake with Nikolas.

Laura: Lulu is at a friend's house. She'll be sorry she missed you.

Nik: (turning back) Oh. I can come back. I don't really have anything pressing to do this weekend.

Laura: She'd love that.

Nik: Has... Lucky been out?

Laura: No.... I know you and Lucky aren't getting along right now.

Nik: That can't be a surprise.

Laura: Luke said you came to blows.

Nik: (embarrassed, he turns away) Yes. That... It wasn't Lucky's fault. I lost my temper.

Laura: You did?

Nik: He.... He was the one to walk away.

Laura: I didn't know. He hasn't told me anything about it.

Nik: Well... now you do. (Laura nods, digesting this)

Laura: He... I know it doesn't always seem like it, but he does try...... (She looks up at him) I'm glad you're here, though... I was just thinking about you.

Nik: You were.

Laura: You.... Lucky.... Lulu. All of you.

Nik: Oh.

Laura: Before you have children.... Well, before I had children, I always thought that it would be a natural thing. That the children would arrive and I'd know what to do. And I did, with babies. I knew how to hold them, and what to feed them. I knew how to love them... (she looks down at her hands) Lulu is still so young. I pray to God I don't repeat the mistakes I made with her brothers with her. (Nikolas stares at Laura, confused. Brothers?)

Nik: You... You did what you had to.

Laura: No. I did what I wanted to. I let myself be convinced that it was my only choice, but there are always other options. I just didn't like them.

Nik: You mean coming back to the island?

Laura: That.... (she shakes her head) That is a hard one, Nikolas. I was a prisoner there. And I would have continued to be. And with Luke alive (Nikolas turns away, hiding the look of pain on his face) A part of me would have died. I wouldn't have... No. I always would have loved you. Nothing could ever have changed that.

Nik: it wouldn't have been a good choice. I know that. You couldn't have stayed with me. It would have killed you.

Laura: We can never know for certain.

Nik: And Luke wouldn't have let you... come back. He would have followed you.

Laura: Maybe. Maybe he would have, and brought both of us back here. Or maybe he would have been killed. I made the choices I did. And they cost you a mother. I have to live with that.

Nik: We both have to live with that. (Laura nods slowly)

Laura: You've let me, sometimes... You've let me be a mother to you, and those brief moments mean the world to me. (Nikolas searches her eyes with his. They are sad and pained. He looks down on the coffee table and sees the picture of Lucky).

Nik: What did you mean... Hurt Lulu's brothers? How have you hurt Lucky?

Laura: Oh... That's a hard question to answer. (She looks at Nikolas, her lips pressed tightly together) But I have. I know that for certain.

Nik: By having me?

Laura: No! No, Nikolas. Lucky and I have problems that... They're my doing, and mine alone. He was terribly hurt when he found out about you. But that doesn't have anything to do with you. That's about me. I know he took it out on you, but it was never your fault.

Nik: I know that.

Laura: There's more.... Lucky isn't ... Lucky's not having a very --

Nik: Something's wrong with him. (Laura looks up at him sharply. She nods)

Laura: There is. (Laura's eyes fill with tears) Nikolas.... There is something I should have done a long time ago. (Nikolas frowns at her) And I didn't. And Lucky's hurting because of it. When ANY of my children are in pain, I feel an intense need to take that pain away. Do you understand?

(Nikolas nods) And ... I have to worry that I'll cause more pain by doing that. It's an impossible choice sometimes. (The tears spill from her eyes) I've hurt both of you so much. And I don't want to do it anymore.

Nik: What... What do you want to do? (Laura shakes her head)

Laura: It's not about what I want to do anymore. It has to be about what MUST be done. No matter what the consequences. (Nikolas looks at her, chilled. His mind twists to untangle where she's going with this. If he didn't know better, he'd swear she was talking about ..... Nikolas's thoughts are cut off by the front door opening. Both he and Laura look up to see Luke Spencer standing in the doorway, staring at Nikolas with his usual "How dare you occupy space in my house" look. Nikolas breaks the gaze, to study Laura's reaction. She doesn't seem to have one. Luke also turns his focus to Laura)

Luke: We have company.

Laura: Yes. We do. (Nikolas turns to Laura)

Nik: I have to leave, actually. I have somewhere I need to be tonight. I really just stopped by to see about Lulu.

Laura: Well, give me a call on the weekend. I'm sure she'd love to see you. (Luke hold the door open)

Nik: All right.

Laura: And... (she looks at Luke out of the corner of her eye, then looks back at Nikolas) I do want to talk to you some more.

Nik: (studying her face) All right. (Nikolas turns quickly and mounts the stairs quickly, sliding past Luke without so much as a glance. Luke is too busy studying his wife's tearstained face to notice).

Luke: What did he say?

Laura: Nothing.

Luke: (shutting the door) No, he said something. What the hell did he do this time?

Laura: Luke! It's fine. It's fine, believe me. (Luke's eyes also fall on the picture of Lucky on the table. He leans down and picks it up)

Luke: Long time ago.

Laura: I know. First summer in this house!

Luke: That dog. He was never without him.

Laura: It was the first friend he could really let himself get attached to. (Luke nods silently, staring at the picture)

Luke: (distantly) Any calls?

Laura: No... It's been pretty quiet.

Luke: Ok... (He looks up) I have to go away.

Laura: (shocked) What?

Luke: There's a problem with the club. I had a friend look into it for me, but so far he's taking his sweet time getting back to me. I have to go to New York and kick his rear into gear.

Laura: (suspiciously) Is this about Lucky?

Luke: Lucky's fine. I saw him this morning.

Laura: He's fine?

Luke: The kid needs more sleep. I gave him the day off.

Laura: Luke....

Luke: Look. Everything is going to be fine. Lucky's tough. He can get through anything. (Laura looks into Luke's eyes and sees clearly that this is for her benefit. She nods, playing along)

Laura: If you say so.

Luke: Hey. I'm gonna take care of everything. (He slides his hands under her long hair and looks at her intently) Trust me.